My cousin who is about 9 years old does not see her mom because her mom lost custody of her; she was unable to support her daughter. The mom has no permanent residence and was unable to make sure her daughter was getting to school.
My cousin's father has a grudge against the mother and takes it out on my cousin: she is basically being shunned and ignored when matters come up that involve her mother. The mother and father are on very bad terms.
So... this month it was my cousin's mother's birthday and she wanted to send her a card (she still loves her mother very much because when she was able to take care of her, she was a great mother). So my grandma tried to help her track down her mom, she could not even find close family members on the mother's side. So she told my cousin to ask her mom's ex-boyfriend who is the father of my cousin's half-brother. He ended up telling my cousin's dad and he got FURIOUS with my grandma.
Was it wrong my grandma got involved? What would you have done?
2006-06-30 18:03:47 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Your cousin wanted to contact her mom (natural for a young child), and her grandmother wanted to help her to do so. There's nothing wrong with that. The father was wrong for getting angry about this...no matter what he feels about the mom, he shouldn't turning the child away from her mother.
Now, if the mother would be a bad influence (drug-addict, hooker, alcoholic, sex-offender, etc.) it's probably not a good idea for the girl and her mom to be hanging out...but if the girl wants to send her mom a card for her birthday, there's nothing detrimental there...in fact, it shows that the girl forgives her mother for not being there, and wants her mother in her life.
2006-06-30 18:12:01 · answer #1 · answered by Alex D. 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your cousin is only 9 years old. I think your family needs to remember that. Being a child is hard enough without having to deal with the stress of everyone elses feelings of animosity toward her mother. Your grandmother had good intentions and the rest of the family should see that. Besides, what ever happened to respecting your elders? She only went to the ex bf because she knew how your cousins dad felt about her mother. So I guess to answer your question, no I don't think it was wrong of your grandma to get involved especially since your cousin went to her. As for me, I would have tried to do the same thing you grandma did. She tried other ways to find the girls mom first, then did the only other thing she knew of. Maybe this girls dad should pay a little more attention to her and the grandma wouldn't have had to get involved. If he is angry at anyone it should be himself.
2006-07-01 01:16:51 · answer #2 · answered by skip_2015 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's so sad when a child is stuck in the middle of such situations. It's sweet that your cousin still loves her mother and wants to contact her. Just knowing her child still wants to be a part of her life could make the difference in Mom's life and help her to find direction and a a place to settle down and stay.
Knowing how young your cousin is, it was not wrong for your grandma to want to help try to find her mother. . .but family situations can get very emotionally charged, as you can see.
Is there another trusted family member that can look for the mom without causing an uproar? Does your cousin know any adult friends her mom may have had, or still has?
I wish you and your cousin luck
2006-07-01 01:16:03 · answer #3 · answered by Suzeebee 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm not sure if the grandmother should have gotten involved, but from my own experience with child visitation issues if the mother wanted to see the daughter she could make it happen. When custody papers are drawn up there are visitation guidelines. Any parent that wants to spend time with their child can legally do so. If the mother talked to child services, they would enforce the visitation.
At 9 years old, your cousin probably doesn't understand all the nuances of what is going on. It is very hard for a child to deal with not seeing one parent that they love. But from what you've stated, it is the mother who is not enforcing her right to see her child and it is your cousin who is suffering for it.
2006-07-01 01:10:09 · answer #4 · answered by TMH 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No your grandma was not wrong. She has your cousin's welfare at heart. Every child needs a mother. Nobody has the right to stop a child from communicating with her mother.She was a great mother and if she was financially capable she would have got custody. What your uncle is doing will create bad blood between him and his child. No matter how bitter he is towards his ex wife he has no right to poison the child against her mother.She is entering her pre teens and she needs womanly support and advice now with all hormonal changes starting to take place. Its GREAT that she has a caring grand ma and a loving cousin. do try to give moral and emotional support and talk to her about all her questions . God Bless you all,
2006-07-01 01:17:00 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your grandma had every right to get involved.
Keeping children away from natural parents is WRONG.
Every child has a right to have contact with their parents regardless of the dysfunctional within. Counselling for the family seems to be a solution don't you think?
The father sounds like a real bully, but then again he maybe just shielding the child from a lot of hurt and trauma.
I think there maybe more to this scenario than has been written.
2006-07-01 02:01:16 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If your cousin (#1)'s dad didn't want to her to find her mother, he had the right (legally anyway). Your grandma shouldn't have gotten involved at all. By going to the ex-boyfriend, she went above your cousin's dad and that's what pissed him off. Hopefully your cousin's dad will realize that she needs to see her mom once in a while and will quit being an asshole. you should just stay out of it!
2006-07-01 01:09:23 · answer #7 · answered by Freddy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
How old is your cousin? I think everyone has the right to try to find a parent. The thing you have to be careful about is if that parent wants to be found. Grandma's heart was in the right place ... but without knowing all the details its hard to know who is right.
I hope everything works out for your cousin ...
2006-07-01 01:08:09 · answer #8 · answered by J 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No your grandma is doing the right thing by trying to find that baby momma. My advice is to
check the shelters and any place for homeless
people and tell your cousin that her mother know she love her very much and to keep loving her mother. Know matter what because her mother love her with all her heart. And pray and god will bring her mother to her.
2006-07-01 01:11:56 · answer #9 · answered by Lorretta B 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ahhhh, the domestic fun. This can be very ugly for you and all involved. This is The reason why cops hate domestics more than any other calls!
I don't know what to say except to let grandma figure out what will be done.
2006-07-01 01:09:03 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋