What's the best joke you know?

Question

Or... Why can't I ever remember them?

Answer 1

A guy walks into a bar and the bartender has a 1 foot tall man playing the piano. The guy says, "Wow, where'd you get that?" And the bartender says, "From that genie over there." So the guy walks up to the genie and says, "I wish for a million bucks!" And a million ducks pop up all around him. He walks back over to the bartender and says, "There's something wrong with that genie, I wished for a million bucks, and I got a million ducks!" And the bartender says, "I think there's something wrong with his ears. I ended up with this 12 inch pianist."
Can you figure out what the bartender whished for?

Answer 2

car accident A woman and a man are involved in a car accident; it's a bad one. Both of their cars are totally demolished but amazingly neither of them are hurt. After they crawl out of their cars, the woman says, "So you're a man, that's interesting. I'm a woman. Wow, just look at our cars! There's nothing left, but fortunately we are unhurt. This must be a sign from God that we should meet and be friends and live together in peace for the rest of our days." Flattered, the man replied, "Oh yes, I agree with you completely!" "This must be a sign from God!" The woman continued, "And look at this, here's another miracle. My car is completely demolished but this bottle of wine didn't break. Surely God wants us to drink this wine and celebrate our good fortune." Then she hands the bottle to the man, The man nods his head in agreement, opens it and drinks half the bottle and then hands it back to the woman. The woman takes the bottle, immediately puts the cap back on, and hands it back to the man. The man asks, "Aren't you having any?" The woman replies, "No. I think I'll just wait for the police..."

Answer 3

The rain makes all things beautiful. The grass and flowers too.
If rain makes all things beautiful why dosen't it rain on you?

Roses are red, Violents are blue monkeys
like u should be kept in zoo.
Don't feel so angry you will find me there too
not in cage but laughing at you.

When ur life is in darkness pray to God ask him to
free u from darkness and if after you pray and your
still in darkness, please pay your ELECTRICITY BILL !

Kind, intelligent, loving and hot
This describes everything you are not.

I love your smile, your face, and your eyes
Damn, I'm good at telling lies!

My darling, my lover, my beautiful wife:
Marrying you screwed up my life.

I see your face when I am dreaming.
That's why I always wake up screaming.

The teacher says, "Children, today I will ask each of you to come to the front of the class and use a word in a sentence. Today's word is "beautiful". Little Sally, would you please come up here and use "beautiful" in a sentence?"

Little Sally walked to the front of the room, thought for a moment and said - "Teacher, my mom is the most beautiful woman in the world."
Teacher says, "Very good, Little Sally, you may sit. Little Frankie, your turn."

Little Frankie walked to the front of the room, thought for a moment and said - "Teacher, the sunrise this morning was the most beautiful sunrise I have ever seen." Teacher says, "Very good, Little Frankie, you may sit. Little Johnny, it's your turn."

Little Johnnie walked to the front of the room, thought for a moment and said - "Teacher, last night my big sister told my dad that she was pregnant and he said...
'Beautiful, just ******' BEATUIFUL!' "

Answer 4

The Lady and the Priest

A lady on a flight seated next to a priest says," I purchased a sophisticated electronic hair remover. I paid a lot for it and I fear they will confiscate it from me. Could you perhaps pass it through Customs for me under your robes?"

"I could my dear, only I am not able to lie."

And with that she hands him the hair remover.

After landing they proceed through Customs.

"Father, do you have anything to declare?" asks the Customs officer.

"From the top of my head to my waist I have nothing to declare my son."

"And from the waist to the floor, what do you have to declare?" asks the Customs officer.

The father replies, "I have a marvelous little instrument destined to be used on a woman, but which has never yet been used"

Roaring with laughter, the Custom's officer says, "Go right through, Father. Next!"

Answer 5

roses are red, violets are blue
u look like a monkey and u smell like one to

how do u keep a blond busy for hours?
put her in a cicle and tell her to find the corners

a hundred men are all up in heaven getting ready to meet God. God appears and says that before he lets them in he wants to know something. He points to one side of heaven and says,"I want alll the guys whose wives ran the household to stand over there" The he said,"I want all the guys that ran the household to come up here with me"
99 men line up on that one side of heaven. 1 man walks up to God. God asks the man what he did and the man said I don't know I'm just over here cause my wife told me to.

Answer 6

Not the best but here goes
A man spent the night with a hooker. In the morning he said 'Maam, if you get something in nine months call it Tex because that's the state I'm from'. And she said 'Mister, if you get something in nine days call it gonorrhea because that's the state I'm in.

Answer 7

The one about the guy who bets the bartender that he can pee into a shot glass without missing even one drop. You know that one?

Answer 8

this is not a yo mama but ur so ugly your mom needed to tie susage around ur neck so the dog will play with u

Answer 9

Did you hear about the dwarf who took viagra?

He won the 3-legged race! lol... :)

Answer 10

last night i had a dream i ate a giant marshmallow and when i woke up my pillow was gone