should i hang up the phone?

Question

i am 23 and moved out and married and my dad calls me drunk all the time at all hours of the night telling me that it is all my fault that he is drinking himself to death and that i don't love him and then he starts calling my husband an asshole saying he wants to talk to him. should i hang up on him when he calls like that. and he tells me he is going to kill himself because i don't want to talk to him when he is drunk.

Answer 1

Look Honey, your Dad is a classic alcoholic, and it is quite normal for alcoholics to blame others, especially family members for their drinking. Take it from me, as my Father was just the same, and eventually drank himself to death. He also threatened to and attempted suicide several times, but it is not your fault, it is his. You don't get to pick your parents, and I think you should cut him off all together, and tell him that is what you are going to do. I did the same to my Dad, and told him if he quit drinking and being abusive that I would allow him back into my life. He chose to drink, and I hardly ever saw him again. His loss, my gain, and I have no regrets.

Answer 2

I know how you feel. My parents are divorced and I stopped visiting my dad for almost 1/2 a year. He thought I didn't love him and it crushed me. I know you love him and hate seeing him this way, but you need to have your own life. Yes, you should hang up on him. Then, in the morning, go and see him. More than likely, he'll be passed out somewhere. Get him fixed up and then talk to him. But be sure to be armed with a cell phone or some type of communication in case he tries to hurt you. I know it hurts to think your own father might do you harm, but the drink can make men do things they wouldn't even think about doing if they were sober. I have a feeling that your mom isn't around anymore, for whatever reason it may be. If she is, she could be a big help, if she's not like your father, drinking and so on. If she's not, look to an aunt or someone like that to help you talk to him. I know this will probably hurt you even worse, but try to find him a rehabilitation center to stay at for a while. That should help. If he calls when he's drunk, don't answer the phone, and if you don't have caller ID, it might help to get it. If you don't want to be straightforward about it, hang up or tell him he has the wrong number. If you do want to be straightforward about it, say, "Dad, I don't want to talk to you when you're drunk. I love you and call me back tomorrow. Goodbye." That might give him a wakeup call. Good luck!

Answer 3

This is your dad's problem, not yours. Threatening to kill himself is a means to attempt to control you. Write him a letter and let him know that you love him, but that you will not tolerate his drinking and calling you when he has been drinking. Find out where he can get help with his drinking problem, and provide him specific contact information for who to contact, how to contact them, and where to reach them in person. If money is a problem for him, let him know you'll take care of the financing for this effort (you won't give money to him -- but you will pay the people who provide any service).

Now for the hard part. Tell him NO MORE CALLS until he gets help. Set up the call blocker service with your phone company and block his phone number. Let him know that communication in writing is the only option until he can get past the drinking.

You can call him occasionally and once he has proven himself as clean and sober for, say, 30 days or so, you can undo the call blocker -- with the stipulation that it goes right back on if there is even a hint of the drinking.

It's as simple as that. I wish you all the best.

Answer 4

Wow. Your father is acting like a jilted lover. You need to call him and set up a lunch ( in a dry restaurant). You need to do a face to face and let him know he did a good job raising you but that you are grown, married and have moved on. Its hard letting go of children but he has to quit being your daddy. Suggest he stops drinking and explain that you will no longer take his calls if you think he's drunk. Its not your fault that you've grown up. Its his expectation that you would not.

Answer 5

Talk to your father when he is sober. Let him know that you love him and that you don't appreciate him calling you at all hours of the night while he is drinking. Let him know that you will not be answering the phone anymore when he calls in the middle of the night and if he continues to call you while he is drunk you will be forced to change your phone number. Your father needs professional help and you need to say goodbye to him until he gets it. Good Luck to you.

Answer 6

By talking to him when he's like that, you're enabling him in his habit. You need to talk to him about it when he's sober and try to convince him get some professional help. This conversation should be held in person. If the situation permits, you should also get someone he trusts to help you in this. The problem is probably not you or your husband. He probably has underlying issues that are much more rooted than you think.

In the meantime you should purchase an answering machine with caller ID. Screen his calls and only answer them when he's sober.

Answer 7

I would simply not answer the phone when it is him, if he has been drinking. People say all kinds of things when they are drunk, he more thank likely does not remember what he says in the morning, so if you do answer the phone, hang up and you should not feel any remorse for doing so either b/c you need to live your life the way that you want to.

Answer 8

Get together with your family and dads friends and have an intervention.((get an actual counselor)) Tell your dad that you do love him and that he should be happy for you that you became a good successful woman with a great family. Tell him that it hurts you that he thinks these things about you and your family and that he needs help. Look into progams that he could attend. Maybe he is feeling lonely and thats why he is drinking all the time. Ask him over for barbeques or activites he could do with the family but tell him that he can't be under the influence.
Good luck

Answer 9

I would hang up and call 911 if he is drunk and threatening to kill himself.
Drunk people do stupid things out of rage or emotion, so I would not take this lightly.
It will help him in the long run, he wont go to jail but will get the treatment it sounds like he needs..

Answer 10

Hang up on him, change your number and don't give it to him, have him arrested for harrassing phone calls. You and your husband do not have to put up with him and his stupid threats to kill himself. If he was going to kill himself he wouldn't call to tell you about it. He's just using that to try to make you feel guilty cause he's a drunk with no life.