My mother-in-law wants my children to go to Catholic school, my husband and I came up with a compromise?

Question

She wants our children to go there since its her family tradition. Everyone in her family went to private Catholic school. My husband went there all thru school.

My husband and I agreed that we are not religious and do not plan to raise our children as Catholics or any other religion for now.

My mother-in-law is VERY upset about this and even offered to pay for Catholic schooling since we cannot afford the tuition which is nearly $10,000 a year.

We talked about it and thought a fair compromise was to allow our children to go to Catholic school, but we do not want them to be baptized, participate in communion or catechism. The school allows children who are not Catholics to attend the school, the just charge a little more for tuition.

Do you think we are being fair?

Answer 1

I think you are being more than fair. You are the parents of your children and are responsible for them.

Your mother-in-law is showing her love and concern for you, your husband, and your children in the wrong way.

Were you married in the Catholic Church?

If you were not, then please ignore the next sentence.

If you were, then you and your husband freely promised to raise your children as Catholic. Are you planning to abide by your promise?

With love and prayers in Christ.

Answer 2

Bottom line: the most important fairness is that your children get the best possible education. Whether that's in Catholic or public school is your choice.

The second most important fairness is your and your husbands' ability to determine how to raise your children. No one has the right to interfere with that.

The third most important fairness here is your relationship with your mother. Her decisions come after yours.

I can say loads of good things about Catholic school, and it is a tradition in my wife's family. That said, the choice is yours, and not all Catholic schools are as good as all public (or other private) schools.

Grandmothers are tricky when it comes to grandkids. They had their chance to parent, now its your turn. They sometimes forget that. At the same time, if you want to maintain a good relationship with your mother, that takes balance.

I will tell you that it is unfair of her to make your relationship conditional upon anything. Love should be unconditional, as should familial relationship. We're all screwups in some way, but so long as we have the love of family as a base, we can get past it.

The kids will benefit from Catholic education, especially if the school has a good reputation and a strong academic base, particularly if it is superior to that in a local public school.

Another option, if you decide against Catholic school, would be to as your mother to put the money into a college savings fund so the kids will be able to afford private Catholic higher education.

Answer 3

They will still be exposed to the Catholic teaching in someway if they attend a Catholic school. If you and your husband have decided that you are not raising your children in that way i wouldn't let them go.. I am Catholic and attended a Catholic school and are raising my children as Catholic..... Is there any private schools other than Catholic that the children can attend??
if so maybe look into them and talk to your mother-in-law about a different school... don't comprise your beliefs and the way you and your husband choose to raise your children just because of tradition and to make your mother-in-law happy!!!!

Answer 4

Remember we are human beings, created by God, and we all have a soul. As important as it is to take care of your body, more important is taking care of your soul, which will live for eternity. Denying your children the sacraments is very selfish since it seems that the only reason you are doing it is because you cant be bothered. They will be more complete humans (closer to God´s image) by receiving the sacraments--if nothing else, please don´t deny them this privilage. As for the school, Im catholic, but my parents sent me to a private protestant school, which was the best in my town, but at one point I got very confused and only after much soul searching I decided to discover my faith, and guess what--there is no better place to be than the Catholic Church--life is so much understandable. Now that I have kids, they go to Catholic school and it is so easy on the kids when the school (preschool at this point) and the home speak the same language.

Give it some thought. Your mother in law is not so concerned about the here and now, but the later...which is what counts. If your children can have the best, why settle for mediocre?

Answer 5

I have this to add... My husband and I are divorced yet for the time being we have agreed to raise our daughter in the Catholic faith (his). She has attended one year of Catholic school and 3 years of public schools and I found that the Catholic school was much more advanced than the public schools she has attended. That being said I think it would be difficult for the children to attend Catholic school without taking their sacraments. One of the things I think helps the Catholic schools function so well is the same benefit that any private school has... They have more say in their guidelines, dress codes, and conduct than a public school does. That said my daughter is free to change her religion when she is old enough to determine the consequence of her choices. Also what we decided is that the school years that I have custody she will attend public schools and the latter school years when he will have custody she will go to Catholic schools. (We live in different states) We, as her parents, even though divorced have come together to decide what is the best interest of OUR child! We did this with many opinions weighing in our decisions.... We had our spouses, our in-laws etc to consider but in the end we actually KNEW in our hearts what the answer was for our child and I'll bet you do to. Once you realize what that is then STICK TO IT!

Answer 6

I just find it sad that you do not have a religion. As far as communion or baptism, that should be the childs decision when he/she are old enough. It needs to mean something to them, not to your mother in law.

If she is so bent on your kids going to Catholic school, then I would say let her pay it if she is willing...so yes, I think you are being fair in that sense, and maybe your children will learn something you have missed when it comes to religion.

Answer 7

No. Absolutely not. Your alleged compromise is grossly unfair!

Catholic parents are obligated to bring their children up in the faith. If, for whatever reason, the parents decide not to worship as catholic anymore, you are still obligated to allow your children to find God on their own and with the help of others.

For the sake of their Spiritual well being, you and your husband are being utterly reckless in forcing them not to worship. Just because you have chosen not to seek salvation doesn't mean you should force your children not to seek it. If your children seek an active interest in faith, you have to let them explore their Spirituality.

If you will not see to their Spiritual upbringing, allow others in the family to fill that responsibility for you. Your mother-in-law is right to be upset. Take her up on her offer; allow her to see to their Spiritual well being.

Your so-called compromise is a sham! What's the point of allowing your children to learn their Catholic Faith if you will not allow them to actively participate in it by receiving the Sacraments?

Typically, I am not this forceful in answering questions but, what you are contemplating it is.....I cannot find the words for it. You, and your husband, have got to smarten up, with all due respect.

If you and your husband decide not to worship God, definitively allow your children to go ahead with their faith. Decades from now, it may very well be your own children that convince you and your husband to come back to the faith.

Give it some thought, please.

Answer 8

Yes. Your children will decide for themselves what religion really means to them in the end anyways. You can force kids to get baptized and go to Catholic school but just like your husband not end up Catholic or at least active in the faith.

Answer 9

I'm sure their grandmother would rather have them baptized and participating in communion etc. than just going to the school. You are taking what she wants which is for your children to be Catholic. That compromise is not going to work.

Answer 10

If you and your husband agree that your kids should not go to Catholic school, then your mother-in-law should stay out of it. I could understand making a compromise for your husband, but since you two agree, it's settled! Tell your mother-in-law that she should save her money and her advice. Your children are your own, not hers.

Hope that helps. ;-)