You you have any jokes?

Answer 1

Reasons Why Beer Is Better Than Women


1. You can enjoy a beer all month long.

2. Beer stains wash out.

3. You don't have to wine and dine beer.

4. Your beer will always wait patiently for you in the car while you play baseball/soccer/basketball/etc.

5. When your beer goes flat, you toss it out.

6. Beer is never late.

7. A beer doesn't get jealous when you grab another beer.

8. Hangovers go away.

9. Beer labels come off without a fight.

10. When you go to a bar, you know you can always pick up a beer.

11. Beer never has a headache.

12. After you've had a beer, the bottle is still worth 5 cents.

13. A beer won't get upset if you come home and have another beer on your breath.

14. If you pour a beer right, you'll always get good head.

15. A beer always goes down easy.

16. You can have more than one beer in a night and not feel guilty.

17. You can share a beer with your friends.

18. You always know you're the first one to pop a beer.

19. Beer is always wet.

20. Beer doesn't demand equality.

21. You can have a beer in public.

22. A beer doesn't care when you come.

23. A frigid beer is a good beer.

24. You don't have to wash a beer before it tastes good.

25. If you change beers, you don't have to pay alimony.

26. Good beer costs less than good women.

27. A beer doesn't change its mind after you've taken off its top.

28. Beer doesn't expect an hour of foreplay before satisfying you.

29. A beer looks as good in the morning as it did when the bar closed.

30. You can't get thrown in jail for having a beer under the grandstand at halftime.

31. Afterwards, a beer won't feel guilty, cry, propose, call her mother, your ex-wife or her therapist.

32. Beer never bugs you to have little beers.

33. If your preference for a type of beer changes, you don't have to get involved with lawyers.

34. Beers don't want a lasting relationship.

35. A beer doesn't make you sleep on the couch after you've taken six other beers on a picnic.

36. After you've put your lips to a beer, a beer never asks, "What are you doing?"

37. Finishing a beer in 3 seconds is something to be proud of.

38. You can have a beer on your lunch hour.

39. A beer never wants to stay up afterwards talking about respect.

40. A beer won't slap you in the face for putting it between your legs at a drive-in movie.

Answer 2

Here are some that I love :
A blind guy on a bar stool shouts to the bartender, "Wanna hear a blonde joke?"

In a hushed voice, the guy next to him says, "Before you tell that joke, you should know something."

Our bartender IS blonde, the bouncer is blonde. I'm a 6' tall, 200 lb black belt. The guy sitting next to me is 6'2", weighs 225, and he's a rugby player. The fella to your right is 6'5" pushing 300 and he's a wrestler. Each one of US is blonde. Think about it, Mister. Do you still wanna tell that joke?"

The blind guy says, "Nah, not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times."
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blonde goes into a nearby store and asks a clerk if she can buy the TV in the corner.

The clerk looks at her and says that he doesn't serve blondes, so she goes back home and dyes her hair black.

The next day she returns to the store and asks the same thing, and again, the clerk said he doesn't serve blondes.

Frustrated, the blonde goes home and dyes her hair yet again, to a shade of red.

Sure that a clerk would sell her the TV this time, she returns and asks a different clerk this time.

To her astonishment, this clerk also says that she doesn't serve blondes.

The blonde asks the clerk, "How in the world do you know I am a blonde?"

The clerk looks at her disgustedly and says,"That's not a TV -- it's a microwave!"
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BLONDE DEODORANT

A blonde walks into a pharmacy and asks the assistant for some bottom deodorant. The pharmacist, a little bemused, explains to the woman that they don't sell bottom deodorant, and never have.

Unfazed, the blonde assures the pharmacist that she has been buying the stuff from this store on a regular basis, and would like some more.

"I'm sorry," says the pharmacist, "we don't have any."
"But I always get it here," says the blonde.
"Do you have the container it comes in?"
"Yes!" said the blonde, "I will go and get it."

She returns with the container and hands it to the chemist who looks at it and says to her, "This is just a normal stick of underarm deodorant."

The annoyed blonde snatches the container back and reads out loud from the container, "To apply, push up bottom."

Answer 3

A first-grade teacher, Ms. Brooks, was having trouble with one of her
students. The teacher asked, "Harry, what's your problem?"
Harry answered, "I'm too smart for the 1st grade. My sister is in the
3rd grade and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in the 3rd grade
too!"
Ms. Brooks had had enough. She took Harry to the principal's office.
While Harry waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the
principal what the situation was. The principal told Ms. Brooks he
would
give the boy a test. If he failed to answer any of his questions he was to
go back to the 1st grade and behave. She agreed.

Harry was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he
agreed to take the test.

Principal: "What is 3 x 3?"
Harry: "9."
Principal: "What is 6 x 6?"
Harry: "36."
And so it went with every question the principal thought a 3rd grader
should know.
The principal looks at Ms. Brooks and tells her, "I think Harry can go to
the 3rd grade."
Ms. Brooks says to the principal, "Let me ask him some questions."

The principal and Harry both agreed.

Ms. Brooks asks, "What does a cow have four of that I have only two of?"

Harry, after a moment: "Legs."

Ms. Brooks: "What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?"

The principal wondered why would she ask such a question!

Harry replied: "Pockets."

Ms. Brooks: "What does a dog do that a man steps into?"
Harry: "Pants."
Ms. Brooks: What starts with a C, ends with a T, is hairy, oval, delicious
and contains thin, whitish liquid?"
Harry: "Coconut."

The principal sat forward with his mouth hanging open.

Ms. Brooks: "What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft and sticky?"
The principal's eyes opened really wide and before he could stop the
answer, Harry replied, "Bubble gum."

Ms. Brooks: "What does a man do standing up, a woman does sitting down
and a dog does on three legs?"

Harry: "Shake hands."
The principal was trembling.
Ms. Brooks: "What word starts with an 'F' and ends in 'K' that means alot

of heat and excitement?"

Harry: "Firetruck."

The principal breathed a sigh of relief and told the teacher, "Put Harry
in the fifth-grade, I got the last seven questions wrong

Answer 4

A woman went to a pet shop and immediately
spotted a large, beautiful parrot..

There was a sign on the cage that said $50.00.

"Why so little," she asked the pet store owner.

The owner looked at her and said,
"Well I should tell you first, that this bird used to live in a house of prostitution and sometimes it says some pretty vulgar stuff."

The woman thought about this, but decided
she wanted the bird any way.

She took it home and hung the bird's cage up
in her living room and waited for it to say something.

The bird looked around the room, then at her, and said,

"New house, new madam."

The woman was a bit shocked at the implication,
but then thought "that's really not so bad."

When her 2 teenage daughters returned from school,
the bird looked at them and said,

"New house, new madam, new girls." The Parrot said The girls and the woman were a bit offended
but then began to laugh about the situation
considering how and where the parrot had been raised.

Soon after, the woman's husband Keith
came home from work.

The bird looked at him and said,
"Hi Keith!"

Answer 5

Bud and Jim were a couple of drinking buddies who worked as aircraft mechanics in PITTSBURGH. One day the airport was fogged in and they were stuck in the hangar with nothing to do.

Bud said, "Man, I wish we had something to drink!"

Jim says, "Me too. Y'know, I've heard you can drink jet fuel and get a buzz. You wanna try it?"

So they pour themselves a couple of glasses of high octane hootch and got completely smashed.

The next morning Bud wakes up and is surprised at how
good he feels. In fact he feels GREAT! NO hangover!
NO bad side effects. Nothing!

Then the phone rings. It's Jim.
Jim says, "Hey, how do you feel this morning?"

Bud says, "I feel great. How about you?"

Jim says, "I feel great, too. You don't have a hangover?"

Bud says, "No that jet fuel is great stuff -- no hangover, nothing. We ought to do this more often."

"Yeah, well there's just one thing."

"What's that?"

"Have you farted yet?"

"No "

"Well, DON'T, 'cause I'm in Denver

Answer 6

i got lotz of joke but i dunt think u will lyk my joke so juss tring k

The rain makes all things beautiful. The grass and flowers too.
If rain makes all things beautiful why dosen't it rain on you?

Roses are red, Violents are blue monkeys
like u should be kept in zoo.
Don't feel so angry you will find me there too
not in cage but laughing at you.

When ur life is in darkness pray to God ask him to
free u from darkness and if after you pray and your
still in darkness, please pay your ELECTRICITY BILL !

sorrie if u dunt lyk it dunt know but i enjoy it

Answer 7

I have lots of jokes. IM me at Yahoo Messenger. And I'll tell you some. my screen name is dudes7593

Answer 8

a blonde walks into an electronics shop and asks the cashier if she can buy a television. the cashier says he does not sell anything to blondes. then the blonde walks in again, but with a brunette wig on. she asks him again and he says no. so she walks in AGAIN with a red head wig on, and she asks again. when the cashier says no, she takes off the wig and then asks, " Why don't you sell anything to blondes?"
in response, the cashier says, " Because that isn't a television... it's a microwave!"

Answer 9

Say this 10 times fast: I am not a fig plucker nor a fig pluckers son but I can pick figs till the fig plucking's done.

Answer 10

Q: What did the egg say to the boiling water?

A: I Might not get hard I just got laid last night!