What would you do if you had joint custody of your 15 year old daughter and you were the primary custodian, but she decided she wanted to try to live with her father after 12 years and now she has failed a grade after being an A,B student, now is in a homosexual relationship, dropped completely out of church, cut all of her friendships with her friends from church and you also suspect she has gotten into drugs and your ex was doing nothing about it and she doesn't want to move home.
2006-06-30 11:18:33 · 14 answers · asked by Leslee L 3 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
I am trying my best to fight for her however, my ex is not helping and I can't afford an attorney at this time.
2006-06-30 11:26:42 · update #1
I would contact a good lawyer regarding custody. They would appoint a guardian ad litem, or GAL, who is, in essence, an attorney who serves "in the best interests of the child".
This does not mean that they help the kid be wherever the kid wants to be. The GAL interviews the child, does home visits at both homes, interviews parents, asks them for info on the child's friends, their parents names, other adults including teachers and doctors who have contact with and some knowledge of both the parent and child...the GAL talks to some of these people, and does a very indepth investigation. Then they make a recommendation to the court where the child should be and why.
In the process, a good GAL will give parenting pointers to help parents improve where they are lacking, and they will talk regularly to the child. When they tell the child where the kid should be, they make sure to take the responsibility for the decision, not letting the child blame either parent or get angry with them about placement.
He or she then follows the case until the child is 18, making sure the child is thriving and doesn't need further court intervention.
The GAL can be an incredibly helpful and levelheaded person to have in these situations. They've seen it all, so they don't fall for BS by the ex (in my case, with very poor parenting skills), and they know exactly what to ask to determine quickly what the issues are and why. For example, the GAL would order random drug testing. They really can help ease your fears about all these issues, and get your girl home to you.
May God bless you both, and best of luck to you. I know what it's like, I'm just about in the final resolution stages of almost identical problems with my 15 y.o. boy. So I really feel your pain. Please know that with good legal help, there is help out there. I've learned that the lawyers I've dealt with in this situation have been wonderful people, who all truly had my son's best interests at heart. They've even tried to go out of their ways to keep costs down. And the GAL's fees are to be split 50/50 between you and your ex. He has to pay it, or he's going against a court order. And how would that look, for him? Hang in there and be strong, your girl needs you, mom, I can tell.
2006-06-30 11:46:30 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you are the custodial parent you have more say than your ex. Pay for a urine test and blood test yourself. This will tell you exactly what, if any drug she has used. If they show positive for drugs the next thing you have to do is to seriously and severely confront her as to where she obtained then. Not "who" from. Was it in your area or your ex's. I think it's your ex's. That's probably why she wants to be there. The test results are "particulars" of your case. If the courts were better at child rearing than parents then the crime statistics would show that. They do NOT support that idea for wards of the court. YOU are going to have to be strong and courageous. Drag her to narcotics anonymous. The people there have been where she is now. They can smell a lie! You will have to afford an attorney. Talk to many of them. There is someone that will help you reasonably. If the results of her tests are positive for drugs you will be glad you paid for them and your ex doesn't know - yet! If she tests positive for methamphetamine you should know that only 6 out of every 100 people ever successfully quit them. They cause a PERMANENT body chemistry change. Other than what I have offered here the aforementioned advice about prayer is a good one. Good luck mum. It seems as though it falls on your shoulders with God's help!
2006-07-01 00:54:07 · answer #2 · answered by euhmerist 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think that she may not want to move home, but you have lots to show the courts that she is better off in your home then her current environment. You need to get her back - if the dad will agree, then great - if not, fight for her. This is your child and you need to get her out of the situation. She will not like it and she will be angry with you - you will probably need to get into a family counsling situation, but you can get through it. Just do what you know is best for you daugher
Good luck!
2006-06-30 18:22:19 · answer #3 · answered by pammy_6201 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to get in touch with CPS or something like that, or go back to court and prove you are a more fit parent and show what has happened to your child since she has left your home and environment. But children do go through an awkward stage where they change friends and become a new person, but maybe there is more to it.
2006-06-30 18:25:29 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
if your ex isn't don't doing anything to help.....get her back. go to court, explain, keep diaries, take notes and pictures. get a lawyer and find a way to get her back.....then find help for her. as far as the homosexuality, she is old enough to be coming into her own.....either she is gay, or this woman is giving her what she needs to get and use the drugs.....if that's the case, get them apart. but, you need to find out which...if you try to make her into something she's not...you may lose her forever. my family almost did. i'm 39 now and knew i was gay at 9. it's something you can't fight....the rest you can. good luck and God bless.
2006-06-30 18:31:29 · answer #5 · answered by melissa 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you need to go to court tell them show them evidence they might either make her move back home with you or will give her an estimated time to straighten up the homo u can do nothin about nor the freinds or church but the drugs and the student u can
2006-06-30 18:22:36 · answer #6 · answered by mommyof3 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Complicated question...I would contact my local Legal Aid and ask for their help. If nothing else try Juvenile Court and ask for the court to appoint a Child Advocate to you daughter. At any rate, you can't blame her actions and choices on your spouse. She likely chose to live with him due to her desires to explore. for all you know this behavior may have begun in your house and she spared you the problem of dealing with it by going to Dad's house. Pray for your child's safety and allow God to work His miracles. If you don't believe in God....surrender.
2006-06-30 18:45:24 · answer #7 · answered by gmommy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Pray
2006-06-30 18:22:51 · answer #8 · answered by Sunshine 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What are you waiting for, get evidence and fight for her custody! I would have done that already.
2006-06-30 18:23:14 · answer #9 · answered by xcelix 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
send her off to military school, try to get dad to understand that his little girl is on a one way trip to disaster.
2006-06-30 18:24:58 · answer #10 · answered by Alloy Boy 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋