i've recently seen my dad for the first time (tho i haven't spoken to him, and don't know if he even knew who i was). I have been trying to avoid him, as if he had any interest in me he would have shown it by now, but should i continue to avoid him, till he leaves the area again, or face my biggest fear? Please someone offer an opinion! thank you
2006-06-30 11:17:54 · 32 answers · asked by babaloo 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
I'm 25, and i wrote him a letter at 18 which he ignored. He lives at the other side of the world with his wife and 4 kids, and hopefully will be going back there soon! And even tho he may not know what i look like, if i told him who i was he would know only too well
2006-06-30 11:31:33 · update #1
Oh yea and i'm not the only abandoned child he left here! Confusing indeed!
2006-06-30 11:33:10 · update #2
that one is a hard one i am 26 yr's old and never seen my dad still to this day .so if i did see him i would be asking did you ever care about me or what if i ever seen him i would let him have it
2006-06-30 11:20:16 · answer #1 · answered by nightsky1331 3 · 6⤊ 4⤋
That's a tough one! Presumably its your biggest fear, because you think ifyou approach him and he rejects you, how will you cope? Or that you approach him and find out that maybe you don/t like each other after all?
No one can make this decision for you. Is it possible he is in the area because he knows you are there, but either doesn't know how to find you, doesn't want to rock the boat or something? I suppose if you don't confront him, you will never know whether he would have turned out to be a decent dad or not, though the fact that he has shown little interest, says more about him than about you.
Sure, it may be painful if he rejects you, or cant seem to cope, but at least you will have a tangible pain to deal with, which can be worked through in some ways, only you know if you can walk away and do nothing and NOT spend your life wondering "what if". If you think you will always have questions that remain unanswered, then I would be inclined to take the plunge and introduce yourself. He may well have known who you were, and thought you didn't know who he was, but if you don't ask, you will never know.
If you can, talk to your mum or another family member about him. Good luck.
2006-06-30 11:26:50 · answer #2 · answered by Tefi 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well it might be that your father IS interested in you but your mother/guardian/grandparents have made it impossible for him to see you. I would say at this point in your life I would just avoid him until he leaves the area again and then when you are a bit older 18 - 20 ish you could look him up and sit down and have a talk with him. At this stage of the game you have enough crap to deal with just growing up and school, you don't need to add a "new dad" into the mix.
2006-06-30 11:21:16 · answer #3 · answered by Jennifer B 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ouch: a difficult one..my heart goes out to you!!
Obviously I do not know the circumstances of why your father has not been in your life, so must be careful what I say.
But maybe he did not recognise you: maybe he did: but like you was too shy/embarrassed/angry to talk to him: maybe he felt the same, and did not know what to say to you!?
As for him not contacting you sooner:
1..He may not have been able to due to legal reasons/restrictions.
2..depending on the how's, where's, whys etc, he and your mum separated, he may not have wanted to cause anymore hurt, upset, or strife to anyone!!
3.. He may have sent cards, presents, contact details to your mum or a third party: and those details were not passed on to you!!
(These are all things I faced with my own daughter: who I did not see for 16 years)
If you love him: give him a chance ... he is your father after all!!
Hear what he has to say: if you don't like it, then you can decide what to do: but at least give him the benefit of doubt until you do!!
Swollow your pride and your fear:-
Drop him a letter if you know where he lives or is staying... In that you can say what you want to say at your own pace, and have time to think about what you are going to say, and the questions you want to ask: without any interuptions and anyone butting in. Give him your contact details, and leave it up to him to write or call back.
Or you can really bite the bullet, say hello, and introduce yourself.
It wont be easy what ever you do... but don't let this opportunity pass you by... you may end up kicking yourself for some time if you do!! You have nothing to loose.. but do have a father to gain.
Good luck & God Bless xoxox
2006-06-30 12:15:25 · answer #4 · answered by englands.glory 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I havent seen my dad for 15yrs, recently i decided that i needed to have an adult conversation with him (im 31yrs old) about why we didnt have a relationship. He was over the moon that i had contacted him, im going to see him in a months time......what happens will happen, ive already felt the rejection so nothing can be worse than that. I feel, honestly, that i have nothing to loose & everything to gain !
Go for it.....there is nothing worse than living a life of 'what if' !
x
2yrs ago he drove past me....slowed down & looked but didnt stop.....he is human just like me, he has fears too !
2006-06-30 11:25:24 · answer #5 · answered by suzairspliff 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Face your biggest fear. It's a skill you'll need for a successful life.
2006-06-30 11:25:10 · answer #6 · answered by treeof knowledge 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
next time you see him let him know who you are.Prepare yourself for the worst tho just incase.If u don't do it soon you might regret it.you say you don't think he knew who you were so how can he show an interest if he doesn't know.Go on ,take the risk.good luck
2006-06-30 11:22:40 · answer #7 · answered by jomom 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Make an effort to get to know him. Not sure how old you are, but it is important to have a relationship with your dad, if you want it.
Girls who have no father/dad typically have more dysfunctional relationships with men later in life.
2006-06-30 11:19:59 · answer #8 · answered by drsteve362005 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh My god girl .. I feel the same way i dont even want to think bout my dad .. I so think the same way u do.. But i think u should just face ur fear n if things dont work it.. JUst ignor him.. N tell him everything u feel!!!!!!!
2006-06-30 11:20:38 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I say you should stop avoiding him and start getting to know him. Who knows, by talking to him you might find out more about yourself and where you're coming from..and i think if you werent to see him, you'd probably regret it in the future.
2006-06-30 11:22:40 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you don't talk to him and let yourself be known and he leaves the area, how would you feel? Can this be your only chance to meet him? It would be an awfully big gamble to not go talk to him--what if you never see him again?
Regret what you did do, not what you didn't do...
2006-06-30 11:21:05 · answer #11 · answered by kayleenelizabeth 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋