I recently got married to my 3 yrs old sons bio-father. He was not around for the first 2 1/2 yrs of our boys life. But here we are now, married and it seems that they are both jealous over me with each other. Sometimes even mean to each other!! Our son rarely says "hi" to dad when he comes home from work & only tells him "I love you dad" when my husband or I tell him to. It really hurts dads feelings. Dad has been with us now for almost a year and our saon hasn't warmed up much at all. This is very frustrating for dad and dad is starting to take this all personal. How do break this barrier between them? my husband acts as if our son is suppose to treat him the way his other 3 kids do. His other 3 kids jump for joy when they see their daddy but not our son!! Our son tries to run off upstairs to see Granny or runs to mommy as if he's scared of dad and he won't go anywhere with dad unless he for certain that mom is going too! & sometimes that isn't even enuf! He puts on a big scene!
2006-06-30 11:09:18 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Tell his dad to do somethings that your son enjoys doing with him. The relationship will start building.
2006-06-30 11:13:03 · answer #1 · answered by christigmc 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is a child and your husband is an adult who is acting like a child. You're first job as your son's mother is to make a safe place in his home for him. A place where he doesn't have to run to his grandmother when his father is around. In theory your son knows this man is his father but in his heart he's just somebody he doesn't particularly like and is afraid of. Your husband needs to back off and be there until his son decides to let him into his life. He's young....it will happen but it'll have to be on his terms. If this situation is hard for your husband he needs to remember he's dealing with someone who's only been living a very short time and after half of his time here there's been a big change. Love is something that's given freely you can't demand it.
2006-06-30 18:28:15 · answer #2 · answered by daljack -a girl 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Trying to force him to love his father is likely to make him more resentful. You say that they are both jealous of eachother and even mean. If your husband would not contribute to the hostility between himself and your son, and try to create a good relationship, one is likely to grow. Don't try to rush or force a bond, as with any other relationship, that will probably only push your son away from his father. Your husband should (and maybe already does) try to learn about what your son likes, and be involved in it. Although he's been around for a year, he wasn't around for 2 1/2, so just give it time and don't push too hard.
2006-06-30 18:20:37 · answer #3 · answered by Jason B 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
When you are alone with your son, ask him why he doesn't like his father. If you are confident that there is no reason for his fear or dislike of his father then just reassure him that you love him as much as you always did. Your husband must be patient and understanding toward his son. He should have a special time with his son, just the two of them, to build a bond between the two. In time, he will understand that not only does he have his mommy and grammy to love him but now he has his daddy too.
2006-06-30 18:25:25 · answer #4 · answered by nonna57 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
How bout some family counseling?
Above all remember that the 3 year old is a 3 year old. It is not his responsibility nor does he have the emotional skills to bond with a stranger just because you brought him into his life and dubbed him dad.
It is particularly disturbing that a grown man would get into an emotional tug of war with a 3 yr. old for the affection of the woman who is the only security that the toddler has known.
Get help quick before this child (your husband, that is) does serious emotional damage to the 3 yr. old.
Also, you too are not equipped to bring about some fantasy harmony; It takes skills and hard work. Get help.
2006-06-30 18:21:27 · answer #5 · answered by treeof knowledge 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
the first years are the years where children learn dependency and trust. since your husband wasn't around at that time, the child doesn't know if he should trust this new person. even though it has been one year, the child hasn't spent time with his dad and that is why he hasn't learned to love him. you should talk to your son (together) or just you if you want. tell him that he should spend some time with his dad. tell dad to learn to be patient around the child, be extra kind, try to get him involved in activities. eventually, he will learn to like dad even more. also, don't force him to say i love you. when he is ready and trusting, he will say so on his own. just teach him to be civil towards his dad. that should be the first step. see how it goes from there.
2006-06-30 18:17:14 · answer #6 · answered by blah 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
he wont been there done that it wont happen like my dad left when i was born i dont even think he was @ the hospital and then i was around him for the @ the most first 11 months of my life then he was completely out of it for a while i see him like evrey 6 years and he dont even call me on holidays like my birthday that just past its rediculous in my mind dont leave your baby momma and kid and dont pay child support and all this other stuff i hate him he can kiss my *** trying to come back in my life when hes married to some other ***** no one knoes that well but his side of the family which i pretty much hate too its jusy one big mess and people use to think i was fruity cause i never had a dad and learned sports and stuff it really is stupid so in my mantality i dont think your son would love his dad if there not a round i dont he called me a chump and why cause he never tought me to fight i learn the manly stuff on my own and from other guy friends and male adult figures in my life ti really is a waste of my time though cause i think its stupid because i never learned it and lets just hope that when your babt grows up hes not gay from learning from you a woman to like men its just what happens i mean im not but it could happen to other people and end in this way you feel me ?? i think that just really how its going to be idk your child but if no father figure he will be hated by alot of other guys and i know cause ive been through it and its no happy la la story so i dont thnk your child will love his father and if you wanted him too it would be very difficult i know this please take my answere seriously. its TRUE
2006-06-30 18:22:13 · answer #7 · answered by Booco 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dad needs to act like a Dad, with patience and fortitude. You can expect the young boy to act like a child. You can do little to change it. But Dad and son need to spend some time together without you or granny.
2006-06-30 18:13:32 · answer #8 · answered by rrrevils 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i did that when i was younger. right now he is only 3 and he doesnt no. he will need a man in his life later. a mom cant give everything. he will notice. right now he only needs mom and there is no point of having a dad he thinks that he has gotten by so far without one, so why do es he need one now? but dont worry, later on, he will. now, i have a stronger relationship with my dad then my mom. dont worry. he will notice thet he needs two people not one. a mom and a dad are very critical for a child. they cant get by with just one. dont worry, he will end up loving BOTH of you, very much.
2006-06-30 18:18:38 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is something that has to develope between them. It will take time and come naturally. But try to get daddy to play ball or do things just the two of them. But things will fall into place. Just try to be patient. Best of Luck!
2006-06-30 18:21:27 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋