Should I be so mad and vengeful? Did my mother choose him over me?

Question

The other night I went into my basement knowing my mother and "her boyfriend" were down there. They invited me earlier to come down and watch a movie with them. I already held a large grudge against this man and when I went down, I caught them having sex. I know it shouldn't be a big deal but they heard me and they didn't stop and her apology was fake and crappy. She expects so much of me but makes herself out to be a whore and the man has moved into my house and taken over. He doesn't talk to me, but he tells her what to do basically. I feel like an alien in my own house and I'm thinking about moving out, even though I'm young but at my age it has been done before. Everytime I see her I just feel like vomiting and I feel so very vengeful and I feel that if I owned a shotgun, I wouldn't kill them, but I would shoot them where it hurts. I feel as if I'm over reacting but it seems like I no longer have a mother. This isn't the first time that this has happened, what should I do?

Answer 1

Don't feel that way.
Go to a Christian (not Catholic, they're different) church and ask for help from a pastor. Pray. Ask God for strength and help for fixing your home.
If you seek Him, He will come to you.

Answer 2

I'm sorry for your situation. Yes you have the right to be angry because your Mom isn't there for you like she should be, but at the same time, she is entitled to have a life of her own, however, her sex life is not something she should flaunt in front of you. That should be kept in the bedroom behind closed doors when others are in the house. Have you ever tried talking to your Mom about how you feel? You might want to try that. It may not accomplish anything, but at least you can say you tried. If that doesn't work, then do you have other family or friends you can stay with? I really hope that everything works out for you. Stay strong!

Answer 3

Stay, save your money, make a specific plan for your future and SAVE every penny, and all the while, ignore them as much as possible. If your mother didn't stop screwing when she knew you were there, she is deserving of little respect, so humor her, don't get angry because she will have one if SHE makes YOU act crazy, and plan a wonderful life for yourself while she can still help to support you. At some point, to inprove your long-term relationship, you may talk about all this, maybe not, but this shitturd of man probably won't be around long.

Answer 4

You dont have to become a religious fanatic or anything but, PLEEZZE, pray about it. Especially since you are imagining commiting violent acts. In this case, you may have to become the adult for a while, until you mom grows up and realizes, she needs to share some quality time with you, alone, so that she can keep the relationship she had with you, before he came along, intact. She also needs to have some respect for herself and you and not let her boyfriend get her is compromising positions where she is displaying this very bad scene.

Answer 5

Call a family member, if you can, and ask for help. Your mother loves you, but she sounds very caught up in a bad relationship. You have a right to be mad, but being vengeful isn't going to help. I know it's just a thought, but when anger builds it can become horrible. I think you are being very brave and mature about this, though. I hope you and your mom can work through this.

Answer 6

Wow that can be tuff I had something similar happen to me with my dad but the girlfriend was a crazed druggie whore who would threaten my life and steal my stuff... instead of killing them both (what i wanted to do soooo bad) i accepted that my dad is who he is. he has awful taste in woman and he chose that crack whore over providing a safe place for me to live but he loves me all the same. I moved out when i was 16 as soon as i got a car and drove as far away as i could get without paying out of state tuittion. I got my GED a part time job and went back to school. All you have in life is you so take care and look out for #1.

Answer 7

What a shame, but resorting to violence to venge your lousy home life is overreacting. In a perfect world, you and Mom could sit at the kitchen table and discuss what each of you think is best for your family unit. Your Mom would listen, and perhaps tell you why she feels the need to debase herself, especially in front of her child. Your Mother most likely has very little self esteem. Be forgiving when you can, young one. Counsel your mother, but not with vicious accusations and blame. But with patience and love.

Answer 8

You are vengeful and SELFISH.
Please remember your mother is a person too. With her own needs and wants.
You shouldn't do anything but support her, open lines of communication, tell her you didn't appreciate that but.. you know, its an honest mistake what can you do, you probably didn't show up immediately so they thought you weren't going to come down and watch the movie- you expect two people to just sit there akwardly not touching eachother just in case you walk in?

Answer 9

Life is tough. You don't say how old you are. Too bad there isn't a relative you can go to for a while. Don't do anything foolish that is going to be with you the rest of your life. Sometimes just knowing that you aren't going to be in this situation forever can help sustain you. I also think that it isn't very mature of your mother to have sex in the open. This is pretty shabby of her and I can understand your resentment. Hang in there, life will get better.

Answer 10

Its very sad when a mother chooses men over children,i know because my mother did this to me.I found comfort in my grandma,moved in with her and let my mother do her own thing.Find another family member to lean on,i know how the hurt feels,you need a strong shoulder to cry on,Good luck God bless:O)

Answer 11

Talk to a counselor at school. Stay out of your mom's way. STay out of the boyfriend's way. Try to get control of your anger by breathing and exercising. Mom's aren't perfect. Your mom is weak and that's why she chooses the boyfriends. She thinks she can't take care of herself and you. You need to concentrate on your own life, grades, get a job, and other things to be independent so you can move out asap.