What's the funniest joke you ever heard?

Question

No sick jokes, please.

Answer 1

The Parrot Boy

An old man is sitting on a bench in central park when a teenager with a rainbow hair-dyed mohawk spiked up like a punk rocker and a nose ring sits down next to him.

The man begins to stare at him for a long time in shock.

Then the teenager says, "What you looking at old man?"

The man replys, "Nothing, nothing."

Again the man begins to stare at him for a long time and the teen says, "What's your problem, old man, you never did anything crazy when you were a kid?"

The old man replies, "Yeah, the thing is when I was a teen I got real, real drunk and f_u_c_k_e_d a parrot, and I was thinking tha you might be my son."

Answer 2

Four life-long friends, a doctor, lawyer, professor, and a businessman, belonging to the same exclusive club had made a pact.

When one dies, they agreed, the others will lay $5,000 each on his coffin so he'll have some spending money in the after life.

Well, one day the professor passes away. At his funeral the three friends took turns going up to the coffin and paying their respects.

The doctor was first, laying 50 $100 bills inside the casket.

Next was the businessman, tearfully placing his $5,000 cash next to his deceased friend.

Then the lawyer approached the coffin ..... wrote out a check for $15,000 ... laid it in the casket, and picked up the 10 grand in cash.

Answer 3

If you ever testify in court, you might wish you could have been as sharp as this policeman. He was being cross-examined by a defense attorney during a felony trial. The lawyer was trying to undermine the policeman's credibility

Q: "Officer -- did you see my client fleeing the scene?"

A: "No sir. But I subsequently observed a person matching the description of the offender, running several blocks away."

Q: "Officer -- who provided this description?"

A: "The officer who responded to the scene."

Q: "A fellow officer provided the description of this so-called offender. Do you trust your fellow officers?"

A: "Yes, sir. With my life."

Q: "With your life? Let me ask you this then officer. Do you have a room where you change your clothes in preparation for your daily duties?"

A: "Yes sir, we do!"

Q: "And do you have a locker in the room?"

A: "Yes sir, I do."

Q: "And do you have a lock on your locker?"

A: "Yes sir."

Q: "Now why is it, officer, if you trust your fellow officers with your life, you find it necessary to lock your locker in a room you share with these same officers?"

A: "You see, sir -- we share the building with the court complex, and sometimes lawyers have been known to walk through that room."

The courtroom erupted in laughter, and a prompt recess was called. The officer on the stand has been nominated for this year's "Best Comeback" line -- and we think he'll win.

Answer 4

There was a guy whose father passed away. Since he lived out of town and he couldn't make it to the funeral he asked his brother to do something nice for their father just send him the bill. A month went by and he got a bill for $200. He paid it. Then the next month another bill came. He paid that also just thinking it was some extra fees. Well the bills kept coming month after month. So he called his brother to find out what was going on. His brother said, "Well you told me to do something nice for Dad so i rented him a tux."
I thought that was funny.

Answer 5

Well,, it is a sick joke so I won't tell you. But I will say it involved a dog named chunks. Any one else know that bar joke??

Answer 6

yo momma is so stupid she got ran over a parked car

Answer 7

how does michael jackson pick his nose?
out of a catalog! HAH! :)

Answer 8

what does the wind told to the leaf? ....leaf me alone HAAAAAAAAAHA SOOOOOOOOOO FUNNY...hey, I got kicked out of class for sayin this...haha

Answer 9

your mom is so fat when she halls *** she has to make 5 trips