When I was young I had a great relationship with my dad. When I started growing up, about age 13, he went cold and the relationship went bad. He became distant, we hardly spoke and that's how it stayed. I left home for university when I was 18 and he didn't call me once. He seemed embarrassed and ashamed to be around me. I always had a good relationship with my mum in the meantime. My mum and him divorced while I was at uni, and from the moment they separated he called me every day and now he wants the perfect relationship that fathers and daughters should have. I find it so hard to be close to him now - I feel I lost him years ago. I feel selfish but I'm 27 now and I have learned to live without a father figure - what do you think?
2006-06-30 09:49:49 · 20 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Tell him that because of the years spent barely talking from the age of 13 to 18 you cannot just jump into the daddy daughter relationship the way he would like.
Tell him how hurt and unhappy losing him at 13 felt and tell him that it is going to be a long, slow process of building new bridges and learning to trust him again to get back to how it was.
Tell him you're an adult now and the relationship will never be how it was but if he's truly sorry for pulling away from you like that then you are willing to try to get a closer relationship with him now.
2006-06-30 10:01:06 · answer #1 · answered by madamspud169 5 · 4⤊ 4⤋
I understand. My father and I were kind of the same way. I'm 25 now and he does call and want to go out to eat, and spend time together, but I don't really know what to talk about with him. I love him and want a relationship, and I don't care if he was a little distant, b/c I don't know what was going on in his personal life, but now that he's reaching out to me, I jumped at it, he is after all, my daddy and no one else could ever take his place. I think now that he's older too he thinks about our relationship, and he gets a little lonely. The best thing to do to help you guys get closer (if that's what you want) is to talk to him about it and let him know how you feel about not being close, and now him wanting to be close. That will break the ice and could form again a great relationship. You never know when they will pass away, so I want to make sure my dad knows I love him and that he can count on his baby girl!
2006-06-30 09:57:39 · answer #2 · answered by amyvnsn 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Kind of a similar situation. My mother left when I was young and she was always the distant one - whilst my dad was always there for me.
At 28 I now have a sort of relationship with my mother. She will always be my mother but I do envy the closeness that other people have with their mums. I have let her into my life because she has tried to make amends (as your dad is doing) in her own way BUT the closeness, the shared anxieties, the laughs and memories that should be there are not and never will be - so although we have a relationship it is not close and I have learned to live without a true mother daughter relationship.
So let him back in to your life, accept that you probably will never be as close to him as you were and could be but enjoy whatever relationship you do get without feeling any guilt upon you for what could have been.
Good luck x
2006-06-30 12:30:19 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you need to forgive him. You had a great relationship in the beginning 13 years. Who knows it could turn out to be better than ever. Maybe Your Dad never realize what he had. Doesn't he deserve a second chance. And I bet he
regrets it. And did he also play a part in you going to College finacially maybe the problems was with your mom became so overbearing for him and he didn't want to hurt you Just a thought. Anyway you don't want to closed the door on this relationship But I would express to him how it made you feel when he grew distant give him a chance to explain!!!!!!!!!!
2006-06-30 10:04:02 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I feel from what you have told us, It seems to me that your father does want a realtionship with you, maybe the reason of why he cut you off for a short period of time was the complications that were led during his and your mothers seperation and divorce. I know it may sound weird to break off during these times, but maybe he felt it was the best for you and what perhaps the court of law recommended. He clearly wants to be your dad, and loves you very dearly. You need to ask him why he was so distant during those certain years and understand that sometimes seperation and divorce from your mum could of been heartbreaking or awkward for him. If he loves you he will be honest with you and hopefully you will be able to forgive him and re-let him into your life. You only have one dad, even if he did screwed up. Sometimes we do deserve a second chance even if we dont.
2006-06-30 10:21:46 · answer #5 · answered by lonely as a cloud 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Relationships take two people to work. Put yourself in your dad's shoes and think how you would feel if you had a child do the same to you as you are contemplating now.
Why shouldn't you have the perfect relationship now? Maybe things were tough when you were growing up for him. Teenage girls are a handful dontcha know?
2006-06-30 09:56:50 · answer #6 · answered by andersonp1964 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He does not desearve you...
He does not appear to love you, only this fantasy that you are some little child he could control...
He hated you from when you became a teenager...
I am curiuos about him wanting this 'perfect realtionship' if he thinks its you being a child...
Seems to have a real problem around women why he got divorced.
He has destroyed you as he abondoned you when you most needed you...
If you are ever to build a relationship he must
Accept you are a grown up. That means you are sexaul. You will have boyfriends, kiss and make out with guys and he must accpet this. In fact he must be happy guys like you, and want to be with you and think of you as a babe.
And he must want guys to make you happy.
He must be cool with you and guys kissing infront of him and let the guys know its ok too...
Only then can you have a real relationship as it will be you not someone who no longer exists.
He has so much to make up to you...
Its up to him to make up for his crime
2006-06-30 12:47:09 · answer #7 · answered by Joey 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well I can name some.. My father and I aren't that close.. He like took advantage of my mom.. and then she got pregnant when she wasn't suppose to have a child.. my mom continued to see my dad til I was 3.. then something went wrong with me.. I had like a sickness.. A birth defect.. it made my mom cry a lot! ever since that my mom and dad never saw eachother again.. Problems: Communication..- Very important... Leaving it all to mom... It's like there are things that moms do better and they just let the moms do it.. drinking problems... with the dad of coarse.. and lots more.. those are just the ones that happen almost everytime..
2016-03-26 23:20:00 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Omg. Thats just what I'm going through...I'm 16 and my dad and I have been distant for 3 years now. I still miss him alot especially since he still having kids and I havent met my only sister and 2 brothers yet. I want to see him, but things will never be the same again if I do see him. I'm just afraid he'll want to be there for the good stuff like graduation and marriage and kids. Was your dad? I'm sorry your dad is like that, but for me I know its better to just live without him. Ask yourself...was i doing better when he was in my life or when he wasn't?? email me if you ever need to talk!!!
2006-06-30 10:49:58 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well I totally understand where your coming from. I think that its good you guys talk now and just always remember this, you only have one Daddy in this world and you wouldn't want to just let that relationship slip away. So I think you should let the pass be the pass and enjoy every moment you have with your Daddy because he wont always be here
2006-06-30 10:03:41 · answer #10 · answered by Monica B 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋