I have a page of jokes and I figured you guys could give me some good ones. Thanks for the help!
2006-06-30 09:29:47 · 14 answers · asked by bdbarry09 3 in Entertainment & Music ➔ Jokes & Riddles
George Bush and Jessica Simpson are going on a fishing trip so they arrive at the lake and rent a boat.As they are heading towards the middle of the lake, they start catching a lot of fish."Hey Jessica this is such a great spot just look at all the fish." says George. Jessica replies "Yeah maybe if we mark an X on the boat we'll be able to find this spot next time." George just looks at Jessica and laughs and says "What a dumb idea!" What makes you think we'll get the same boat."
2006-06-30 10:32:35 · answer #1 · answered by jeremy&gale 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
An 80 year old woman was arrested for shop lifting. When she went before
the judge he asked her, "What did you steal?" She replied: a can of peaches. The judge asked her why she had stolen them and she replied that she was hungry.
The judge then asked her how many peaches were in the can. She replied 6. The judge then said, "I will give you 6 days in jail." Before the judge could actually pronounce the punishment the woman's husband spoke up and asked the judge if he could say something. He said, " What is it?" The husband said "She also stole a can of peas."
2006-07-01 00:14:34 · answer #2 · answered by beckyschristine 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There are 4 people on a plane: george bush, jacques cartier, a little girl, and an old,old priest. The plane starts breaking down and there going to fall to the ground. they rush over to the emergency kit thingy and it reveals 3 parachutes, but there are 4 people. George immediately grabs one and says," into the North American skies i fly!" and dives out the plane door. then jacque grabs one and says," George Bush! im with you all the way!" and dives out the door also. The little girl and old priest stare at each other. the priest says," Go on little girl. Ive lived my life already. Take it." then the little girl responds," Thats okay, theres still 2 parachutes. You know Jacques Cartier? He took my backpack..."
2006-07-10 17:26:27 · answer #3 · answered by Will 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Learn Chinese in 5 Minutes
That's not right...
Sum Ting Wong
Are you harboring a fugitive?...
Hu Yu Hai Ding?
See me ASAP...
Kum Hia Nao
Stupid Man...
Dum Gai
Small Horse...
Tai Ni Po Ni
Did you go to the beach?...
Wai Yu So Tan?
I bumped into a coffee table...
Ai Bang Mai Ni
I think you need a face lift...
Chin Tu Fat
It's very dark in here...
Wai So Dim?
I thought you were on a diet...
Wai Yu Mun Ching?
This is a tow away zone...
No Pah King
Our meeting is scheduled for next week...
Wai Yu Kum Nao?
Staying out of sight...
Lei Ying Lo
He's cleaning his automobile...
Wa Shing Ka
Your body odor is offensive...
Yu Stin Ki Pu
2006-07-11 12:16:57 · answer #4 · answered by sudjenni 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Two blondes go duck hunting for their first time. After about 3 hours they still haven't got any ducks. The first blonde says ' I can't believe we've been here for 3 hours and no ducks !! ' The second blonde replies ' Maybe we should throw the dog higher !! '
2006-07-11 20:49:03 · answer #5 · answered by retepsumdac 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A man is driving his five year old to a friend’s house when another car races in front and cuts them off, nearly causing an accident. "Douchebag!" the father yells. A moment later he realizes the indiscretion, pulls over, and turns to face his son. "Your father just said a bad word," he says. "I was angry at that driver, but that was no excuse for what I said. It was wrong. But just because I said it, it doesn’t make it right, and I don’t ever want to hear you saying it. Is that clear?" His son looks at him and says: "Too late, douchebag."
2006-07-09 08:29:16 · answer #6 · answered by Wolfie 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Alaskan Kayak Accident
The day after his wife disappeared in a kayaking accident, an Anchorage man answered his door to find two grim-faced Alaska State Troopers.
"We're sorry Mr. Wilkens, but we have some information about your wife," said one trooper.
"Tell me! Did you find her?!" Wilkens shouted.
The troopers looked at each other. One said, "We have some bad news, some good news, and some really great news. Which do you want to hear first?"
Fearing the worst, an ashen Mr. Wilkens said, "Give me the bad news first."
The trooper said, "I'm sorry to tell you, sir, but this morning we found your wife's body in Kachemak Bay."
"Oh my God!" exclaimed Wilkens. Swallowing hard, he asked, "What's the good news?"
The trooper continued, "When we pulled her up, she had 12 twenty-five pound king crabs and 6 good-size Dungeness crabs clinging to her."
Stunned, Mr. Wilkens demanded, "If that's the good news, what's the great news?"
The trooper said, "We're going to pull her up again tomorrow."
2006-07-01 02:21:53 · answer #7 · answered by pistola 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Contact "ImSoAsain". She had some really funny, clean, ones. I enjoyed them. I'm just glad to see so many people wanting clean jokes instead of nasty ones finally.... :)
2006-06-30 16:41:57 · answer #8 · answered by Asterisk_Love♥ 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
5 dumb people go to Disney Land. It took them 3 days to get there(they went in a car). About 2 miles from there they see a sign that says "Disney Land left" so they turn back and go home. :)
2006-06-30 19:37:57 · answer #9 · answered by CD 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A dad tomato, mom tomato, and a baby tomato went out for a walk. The baby tomato could not keep up. The dad tomato went back to the baby tomato, stomped on him and said catchup (ketchup).
2006-07-09 02:26:40 · answer #10 · answered by # one 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋