Why won't my 5 year old daughter do what I tell her to do unless she is spanked?

Question

My 5 year old daughter makes me want to SCREAM............She always picks on her 2year old sister, she never wants to go to sleep unless my husband or I stay lay beside her until she falls asleep;
She picks fights with children in the park and even has an attitude when she speaks to grown up.
For example today she wanted to through away an empty plastic bottle after someone's granny, because she couldn't catch the girl she wanted to have a fight with. I told her she shouldn't do that and she said : the battle wouldn't have heart her. She doesn't understand that she shouldn't do it anyway.
Today there were three girls in the park all playing together. She asked them if she could joyn and when they said no, she wanted to hit them. I felt sorry for her because the girls refused to let her play but I know she didn't have to hit them.
I even had to fight with those girl's parents over this issue.
Sometimes she is a good girl, but other times I feel I can't take it. Can you help?

Answer 1

you need nanny 911!

Answer 2

Spanking just teaches your daughter that it is okay to hit. No wonder these kids don't want to play with her. She has learned to be aggressive by you. Sounds like you need to find other alternatives of discipline. Take away priviledges. Follow through with your consequences and don't be passive agressive. You are confusing her and she is running the show. She needs some sleep training. She is too old to be falling asleep assisted. You should get some books on these issues.
This is what spanking and hitting a child will do:
It leads to fear and avoidance. It gives children confusing messages and makes them think that using violence to solve problems is okay. It can introduce problems later on as they grow up for example bullying others, agressive behavior, criminal behaviors, stealing and domestic violence. Parents will spank out of their own anger and frustration because it makes them feel better. I believe it also makes the child become sneaky. It doesn't stop the unwanted behavior long term and children will do anything to avoid being hit. They aren't given a chance to learn from their mistakes, learn how to solve problems, use good judgement, control emotions, or feel confident and secure. Important factors needed as adults in life. You basically change who they are when you hit them. It is hard to justify the admonition "Don't hit!" while the parents are spanking the child for hitting. Some people might believe that back in the old days, children were much better behaved because they were spanked and now kids are out of control these days because parents don't spank and let their kids run the show. Well, most kids who were spanked back then are the parents you see nowadays that have completely turned the opposite and show qualities of passive parenting.
I have worked in 5 daycares and the children that were aggressive, use hitting to get their way appeared negative and unhappy. I knew that most of their parents spanked them. Check out below and watch Supernanny.

Answer 3

Children form their core personality in the first five years of life. If she was allowed to "explore" and "get away with things" becouse it was cute or harmless or she would learn better when she was older, guess what. You have her firmly convinced she is the center of the universe and you are her servants.
Lets look at your questions one at a time. All 5 y-olds pick on younger siblings becouse they arn't the baby anymore. there are plenty of books out there that deal with that problem.
The sleep thing. the problem is you want your evening quiet time and she knows how to blackmail you. Give up the quiet time for a wile and let her scream herself to sleep for a week or two, trust me she will give up. and you will have proven you are in charge, not her. Spanking at this age is to late. time outs are a useless joke. the removal of priviledges and property are the only things she will respect at this age. but remember you have an unruly prisoner and she knows how to push your buttons. Supprise her, take a valium or whatever you need and just stick to your guns. If you say no park untill you learn how to be nice to people. MEAN IT! If you take away a toy becouse she threw it at someone. destroy it in front of her and throw it away! You must take back your home. SHE IS NOT IN CHARGE! If it gets ugly for a while, so what! In the long run She will learn to respect authority , and learn the rules of society. Just remember that good behavior must be rewarded as energetically as bad behavior is punished. Also, Never reward her by allowing bad behavior "just this time" That makes the bad behavior a prize to be sought after. (( ie.) mommy will lay down with you just this once becouse you were good girl tonight. ) That reinforces the pleasure of bad behavior, and hands over control of the house to her.
Good luck
father of a strong wiilled 26 year old daughter.

Answer 4

Children reflect their parents. Did you and your husband coddle her to the point where she is now jealous of her sibling? Are you guilty of spoiling her? It would seem so because she is acting out in a demanding way. Spanking a child is not acceptable but confining her to a corner or an empty room begins to re-assert your control and let her scream, moan, beat the walls until she understands that there is acceptable and unacceptable behavior. Spanking only increases resistance to you. Remember you are the parent, you must take control but use gentle means to bring harmony to your lives.

Answer 5

Anger and aggression is common among five year olds. The best thing to do is to try and point her to other avenues for releaseing this aggression. I have been advising my daughter that when she is mad and wants to hit something hit a pillow or seat cushion. This way the cushion doesnt get hurt and she gets her anger and aggression out on an inanimate object. Works great and has actually lessened the number of times it was necessary for her to do so and she is much better at controlling her anger as I reward her for doing so by inventing new activities to try and do with her when she has shown good behavior.

Answer 6

I have a 16 year old son that was the same way. Sometimes the worse thing you can do id fight for them when they are wrong. What does that teach them. As much as it may hurt you have to be firm all of the time. And do not fight with her Dad over discipline issues. That gives the ability to move the attention (arguement ) to you and your spouse while she spectates.

Answer 7

If she acts up tell her she isn't going to the park. Then don't go or she'll figure out that you'll give in. Why are you fighting with the other girls parents? You cant force kids to play together.
Be strong, you need to set the rules and stick to them.

Answer 8

She needs a major attitude adjustment. Sit her down and have a long talk with her about respect. She needs to learn how to respect adults as well as kids her own age it sounds like. Teach her that in order for others to respect her and treat her nicely, she has to do the same to them first. If you catch her being rude or picking on someone spank her and send her to her room. She'll eventually learn, but really this isn't her fault--its yours for letting her get away with it for so long.

Answer 9

It sounds like any attention from you even negative is what she wants. Try spending one on one time with her doing things she likes to do. Talk to her during this time asking her why she gets so angry and explain to her that this behavior is wrong and will not be tolerated. Sometimes there are just simple answers to their behaviors. If thes doesn't work or it gets worst try therapy she could have ADD Attention Defficit disorder or ADHD that the one with hyperactiveness.

Answer 10

Never teach your child that violence is the answer that what your parents did you better find a better way my friend ask yourself this one why do I feel the need to use agression to to teach my child how to behave she a child she has got to learn and you half to teach her she is only five years old look how long it took you to learn what you know would you put up with a boss or anyone at that ,, that spanked you to get you to do your job or learn how to do your job THINK ABOUT IT

Answer 11

she wants to know who is in charge if it takes a spanking do it try time out some kids it works for others it doesn't spanking only works so long unless you have your husband spank her my kids are more afraid of me than their mother I don't have to spank them just the threat alone is enough it also may depend on your tone of voice don't yell at her unless absolutely neccessary also try grounding her from the things she likes and follow through she is pushing her limits and wants to see what you will do I have a seven year old and she did some of the same things this is what we did and it worked she does alot better with her peers and siblings