my ex boyfriend said his definition of love was always putting my needs before his. and that since i never did that, i didnt love him, so he stopped loving me.
2006-06-30 08:37:01 · 7 answers · asked by susieq 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
allow me to clarify. he expected his needs to be met at the moment he felt the need. example, if he wanted a massage, he wanted it that moment, or else i didnt care about his needs, it was not supposed to matter that i was tired, or whatever... he suggested that when i had a need it was met immediately. though this is not the case. i did do things for him. i did put his well being and happiness above mine, though he did not see it this way. he sold his home and wanted to move closer to me after knowing me for only about 5 months, and was upset when i suggested that since i live in LA which he hates, that he should just stay where he was until we see where things were going. He could not see that i was concerned moreso for his happiness than for my own self that would have loved to have him closer to me. these are all just examples, there is so much more to it.
2006-06-30 09:27:19 · update #1
No. Not always. Always would be codependency.
2006-06-30 08:43:25 · answer #1 · answered by ntoriano 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, if you NEVER put his needs before your own, he probably had a point.
I generally go with his definition; though, as with everything, it can be taken too far. That's what codependents, & those with a martyr complex do. Doesn't sound like you're in danger of any of that, though!
So, what did you contribute to the relationshiop, aside from allowing him the pleasure of denying his own needs for your benefit? I don't mean that to sound as harsh as it is, so don't take it too personally; but it is something you should think about before you embark on another relationship.
2006-06-30 15:45:41 · answer #2 · answered by M Huegerich 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Love is many different things.
Self sacrifice is one aspect of love, yes. If you can't find yourself willing to give up something you want for something they want, at least occasionally, then I'd wonder about where the relationship is going.
Compromise is the big one, I wouldn't say you have to constantly give up everything you want, but you should be willing to compromise on things.
If you love someone, you want to see them happy, you're eager to see a smile brighten their face. There are a lot of ways to do that, explore the possibilities.
2006-06-30 15:44:40 · answer #3 · answered by jimmy h 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I believe that is a form of love. I am in love with my guy and naturally I do put his needs before mine, within reason. I am sure he was confused about your commitment and feelings for him since you didn't return the favors. He probably felt like you didn't appreciate him and if you weren't going to use actions, maybe use words next time to show your love.
2006-06-30 15:50:27 · answer #4 · answered by Madam SupaStar 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i dont think that is true. i love my self more then i love my husband but... i love my daughter more then i love my self and my husband. dont let him play mind games with you. good luck bobby O your jokeing right? girl you did nothing wrong!
2006-06-30 15:44:29 · answer #5 · answered by Crimson_Skies 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Then find me a girl for me. and go to my E-mail fight8for20life.
2006-06-30 15:42:00 · answer #6 · answered by Midnight king dub 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I hope he has taught you a lesson... you heartless, ingrate...
2006-06-30 15:40:42 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋