my mother-in-law has always favored my husbands son over mine.she flies him out to hawaii (where she lives) for xmas, sends him the "bigger better" gifts, sends him email...etc...my son is just an after thought to her and it pisses me off! my son is 8 and he notices this. i was not raised that way...i love my step son like my own! my parents treat him like their own grandson, and love him like all their biological g-kids. now i have a new baby with my hubby...i'm scared to death things will get worse now. this woman KNOWS how we feel about it, we (my husband and i) have BOTH spoken to her about it. she just ignores it, or refuses to talk to us for several days.
considering that she is a licenced therapist...her actions are bazzar to me!!??
2006-06-30 07:33:54 · 20 answers · asked by ? 6 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Grade-Schooler
BonesofaTeacher
i will NOT accept it. she has not "been around a lot" she live off the mainland and has seen him 5 times in his 10yrs. its not OKAY and it IS a big deal, when my son asks..."why does grandma ****** hate me?"
my husband and i never discuss this in their presence, HE is picking this up on his own.
im sorry but i was not raised that way....biology doest not "define" a family! love does.
2006-06-30 07:46:47 · update #1
oh BTW...my husband and i NEVER fight about it..(or anything else for that matter), its not productive to do that. but we discuss it.
2006-06-30 07:52:27 · update #2
If it is affecting your children adversly, it's time for hubby to put his foot down (it's his mother and he needs to be the one to do this). Simply refuse to let the one son fly out without the other. Although you may not be able to control the gifting thing, you CAN control where the children go and with whom.
Your 8-year-old is old enough to notice, and be hurt. Both your and your husband need to sit down with BOTH children and explain that some people simply are not fair, and are not as caring as others to the feelings of those around them - even family. Yes, they will probably say something to the grandparents during conversations (being kids!), but so what? Just be up-front that you recognize the unfairness, but life is sometimes like that. And tell them to let you know when they see an unfairness to their new sibling as well since the baby is too yound to understand yet.
You will draw your immediate family closer together this way, and the children will understand that you see, and understand, what is going on. The grandparents will reap what they sow one day, and regret their actions.
2006-06-30 07:40:37 · answer #1 · answered by PuterPrsn 6 · 5⤊ 0⤋
You cannot change her. Accept it. Grandparents often tend to favor the first grandchild to a great extent. They may have been around more when that child was a baby and bonded with it. The grandparent has different feelings about the kids. YOu cannot determine how she treats your children. It's not that big of a deal. Chill out and let it happen. Tell her thanks for flying the other son to hawaii. Give the other one special attention and gifts while the brother is in hawaii. Make it a special time for you.
2006-06-30 07:39:11 · answer #2 · answered by BonesofaTeacher 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
At first I was going to suggest that you speak to her, but obviously that isn't working for you guys. I also think it is strange that a woman who is a licensed therapist is acting in such a childish and manipulative manner. This might be a little bit far off, but the thought occured to me that she might somehow be trying to voice her opinion about you and your husband's relationship through clearly favoring your step-son? Unfortunately, I can't think of any good advice short of giving ultimatums ("both kids or none") but I do think that you should be commended for treating all kids equally. It sounds like you have a very healthy family and that you and your husband are doing the right thing, which is rare! So, even though your MIL is being unfair, congratulations to you and your husband.
2006-06-30 07:39:34 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Say listen when your son married me and accepted me into his life you should accept me too. If she flies the step son for xmas next year....maybe just a thought you could figure out a way for your parnets take your son for xmas....that way your son doesnt feel left out in anyway. Some people never change and if it gets to be a big deal you and your husband are literally fighting about it. Then maybe the step son should just stay home this Christmas. I honestly wouldnt get bent out of shape about it cause all its hurting is you. If she doesnt change you can always tell your husband to talk to her, but other than that I am all out of ideas.
2006-06-30 07:41:40 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to put a stop to it NOW, as your baby gets older what is she going to do fly her two "biological "grandchildren to Hawaii and leave the other one at home. Like Dr Phil says " people have to know the consequence's of their behavior 100% of the time. If she gives one a better gift... exchange it for some thing else. Tell her both children will go to Hawaii or both will stay home. You say she knows how you both feel and continues to do it? That is because there is no consequence to her bad behavior. It is up to you and your husband to protect the children from her.
2006-06-30 15:32:30 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can't force a person to like or accept another. There are many cases where the parents themselves favor a particular child.
About all you can do is give the unfavored child unconditional love and leave it at that. Try not to bring your observations up in front of them. But if they ask, just keep it simple and say it is pretty unfair-Grandma has some issues that aren't about them.
2006-06-30 07:40:46 · answer #6 · answered by B 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ya, my grandpa is like that he favors my one cousin more then the rest of us. Well he favors the boys. Usually has nothing to do with the girls. He use to have a cabin in Wisconsin and he'd always invite the boys out there but never the girls. None of us claim him except for my one cousin the one he favors so we just refer to him as Sean's grandpa. the man has been married 5 times 4 different women. I dunno I think there is something wrong upstairs. Ya with her being a therapist that is kind of strange, but it could be if it's not her grandchild some people are like that i don't know why becasue they're dumb or something. I mean some people don't realize it but if you have told her about it she really doesn't have any good excuse.
2006-06-30 07:40:24 · answer #7 · answered by Dakota 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
don't let the other child go, Tell her that it is your sons turn. Or if one goes they both go. Although this make backfire with her getting your boy out there and not treating him right. Or perhaps, if you can afford it send him to your parents while hubbys son is with grama. I feel for i would hate to see one of my kids treated like this, as a therapist WHAT is she doing?
2006-06-30 16:13:52 · answer #8 · answered by beth l 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sadly some people are like this. However he is not her grandchild and you can not make her act like he is. You can either have your husband tell her that she is to treat the kids equally or not to bother with his son either and/or explain to your son that she is not his biological grandparent so he realizes he is not being shun by his "real" grand mother.
2006-06-30 07:38:02 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't let her fly your step son out and if she gives him gifts send them back. When she asks why you're doing those things tell her its because if she wants to do things like that it has to involve both of the boys..not just him.
2006-06-30 07:38:28 · answer #10 · answered by BeeFree 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋