I'm married & need my husband to accept my child completly what can I do about this blended family.?

Question

We have been married 7yrs my daugher was 3 when we married it was all good until we had our own children(2). I see the difference in their treatment ,my daughter sees the difference, and even other people have asked what happened because they see it too. we have talked and talked and now my daughter is starting to resent him. Im hurt because I want this to work out but I can't explain this odd treatment he has built against her. She is a good kid and so loves him but this craziness has got to stop or it will force me to leave. She asks me why this or why that. I can't even explain it to her. And when I ask him what has change he says notheing. He walks around the house ignoring her, he wont even look at her he leaves the room when she comes in to wach TV and she is literally in tears about it. What do I do?

Answer 1

well,first pray...i know God is the only one who can help you....pray with all of your heart...ur intensions are good coz you want to keep the family...but keep on talking to him, and tell him what's wrong...let him talk, and tell him you will respect what's on his mind you just want to know what's inside of his heart and tell him you love him and you want a happy family...i think he will understand...in time.

some one says here that ur kid comes first, of course it is, but you have kid with him to right? so he is also as important as ur first child...so just treat them equally as possible...and don't loose hope...this things happen in a family...and if you overcomed this part, you and your family will be a lot stronger...

and remember to ask God to be a part of your family...

Answer 2

That's Really Wrong!Whats Wrong With Him How Can He Hurt Lil Girl Feeling :(...
You Need 2 Talk 2 Him About It And Tell Him He Need To Change He's Way He Need To Love Both Kids The Same Amount!And Tell Him That You See The Different too Tell Him How You Feel He Might Understand And Change He's Way!

Answer 3

Wow. This is really hard. I am living in a blended family too and contending with the male ego is a @)!()*$. Your husband needs to talk to someone about how he is feeling. He's jealous of your daughter and the fact that she is the fruit of another man's relationship with you. What can the child do about that!? Do you belong to a church? You (and me and my family, too) need a lot of prayer and counselling to help the man, father and husband learn UNCONDITIONAL LOVE AND ACCEPTANCE. My husband makes up instances claiming my daughter doesn't like or accept him from time to time. It does make you think about the big D word, but don't go there. Prayer really does change things. I will pray for you and your family and hope you'll do the same for me. Best wishes.

Answer 4

I am going out on a limb here, but was your husband's parents divorced? Did he get raised by someone other than his biological parents? If so, then maybe he feels like that was how he was treated so he knows no other way than to do the same. If not then I suggest family counseling and just tell him he has the choice to go or you will leave. He shouldn't treat her that way at all...he married you and her as a package deal, accept it. Best wishes

Answer 5

whatever you do, put your daughter first. but remember whatever you end up doing, you need to be there with her the whole way. my step-mother was the same way with me for 10 years and my dad did nothing. if you need to send your husband and your daughter on a camping trip or a day at theme park, do it. remind him he has 3 kids. not 2. biologically or not, he supports her, and it shouldn't just be financially. don't let him do a half *** job at being a parent. best advice, father/daughter time. once a week, they should have a play date. if that doesn't work...therapy.

Answer 6

I'm in this position also. Not being the mother, but being the child. I know my step mother dispises me but she tries to front like she doesn't. It's hard on me as well as my father because he's forced to choose between his daughter and his wife. As much as I don't want him to choose I know that he feels as if he must.

As a good mother, you will always choose your child.And HE as a good husband must understand that. You have to let him know that your child is a part of you...and if he loves you, he must accept ALL of you. And if he knew you had a child before you got married then he knew what he was getting into. If he can't accept her than he's not only rejecting her, he's rejecting you.

Answer 7

There is nothing wrong with your daughter. it all has to do with your husband. If you had kids with him and the first is not truelly his then he might feel that your daughter is not his fully. He needs to open his mind up to the fact that you are married and that all kids are to be treated equal. If it comes down to it then you need to choose your daughter over him. I hope it never comes to that but it might. I lived in a house where my mother chose my step father over me and it killed me inside. i now have no relationship with my mother or stepfather because i hated them so. If she keeps trying to get his affection it can eventually lead to her being alone and unstable in relationships to come. She may feel she needs to keep impressing everyone. If you need to talk more my email is [e-mail]. i will help you and support you in any way you need. along with answer any questions you have. this is a very serious problem and you need to look into it.

Answer 8

have you had a conversation with your husband about it? i am a step-child. my mother didn't get married until i was 10. it was difficult for me for a number of reasons... i was old enough within 7 years to voice that i didn't feel like i was being treated the same as the children that they have together. at this point, you have to be her voice... and with him accepting you as his wife, he also accepted your daughter. if that isn't showing, you all need to reevaluate your relationship and what is important. you can not very well be a family if your child is excluded.
if you don't fix it, she may "act out" in ways that will hurt her later in life...

Answer 9

It is not craziness on his part. It is bigotry and racism at its best. These values were probably instilled in him by his parents. If he truly loved you he would have overcome this behavior a long time ago. Divorce this man and marry someone who will love your child for who and what she is. I am a caucasian male. The color of a person's skin matters only to the ignorant.

Answer 10

Give him an ultimatum: whether he accepts your daughter or you will leave him and take the children with you. No man is worth more than your children, Remember that, otherwise, your daughter will resent not only him, but you becuase you didn't stick on her side.

Answer 11

unfortunatly this will drive you to leave. you can't keep seeing your daughter hurt and he isn't being fair. but that's how it is when men have their own children. it's just something about flesh and blood. if you have told him how this was upsetting you and her then make him aware of divorce. maybe he'll come to his senses. if not then sorry but you probably won't be able to handle it. make sure your other two kids don't treat her like she is an outsider. good luck.