when he gets angry he throws things and punches the wall ...never at me is that okay?

Question

my fiance when he gets mad seems to take his anger out on things ....not on me.....he has never attempted to aim it at me....but it scares me and i tell him this....he has gotten much better after i told him and he assures me that he would never raise a hand to me....but is it still safe for me. He doesnt do it as much and it has gotten less ....i actually see him take deep breaths to calm himself down...he wasnt doing this before. We have only had four big fights and after the first one it has gotten better. what do you think.

Answer 1

NO! DANGER DANGER WILL ROBINSON... DANGER DANGER

Answer 2

I would never hit any of my family, friends or loved ones but that's the same way I show my anger ... I try to control it .. but it's the way my parents vented so I saw that growing up and just picked up on it ..

I can't stand it .. most of the time it's my own things which just makes me mad even more since I usually break things or hurt myself trying to do it ...

If he says he would never put a hand on you then I would believe him .. I wouldn't hit anybody else and that's why I take it out on material things ... !

It sounds like he's trying to change and that's a good thing .. at least he recognizes it as a problem and he's willing to change for you and your relationship.

Just keep an eye out on him and watch if his behavior gets worse then get some help with anger control for him and your family .. !

Answer 3

DANGER! Lights go flashing in my head when I read this.
It makes me think of my brother, he was like this, he never hit his GF, only the walls, doors, and other objects. he told her the same thing that he would never hit her, but one day he just snapped and hit her in the hall on campus. After words he spent the night in prison, and had to take anger management, after that he has been much better. (maybe before the wedding you should send your fiance to some anger management classes, it might help).
He has also became a Christian (not saying that is what you need to do, but sometimes it helps)

Answer 4

No it is not OK. As time progresses he will direct this anger and rage toward you. Does he love you? I doubit it, for if he did truly love you he would not have engaged in four serious arguments. He needs professional help. If he is unwilling to seek professional help your best bet is to leave him now before you suffer serious physical and/or mental harm. Don't make the horrible mistake of marrying this man. More importantly, don't have any children with this man. It will only increase the number of targets for his rage. He also needs to grow up and act his age instead of throwing childish temper tantrums. Walk away now, without hesitation, before it is too late. Am I a battered woman? No I am not. I am a happily married man who would never consider this type of behavior toward anyone, much less the woman I love and cherish.

Answer 5

What I think is that your fiance may have a big anger issue. Although it is good that he has never taken aim at you, things may change. People should learn how to talk things out, not have to use violence to calm down. If I were you I would be very wary.

Answer 6

That's how it starts. If I had a dollar for every time I heard a someone say he would never do that to me. Look hun, I work in health care so I'll see you in about 10 years or so give or take in the E.R. and you can tell me then how bad he's beating your @$$!
Sorry but it's the truth.

Get out while you can!

Answer 7

No, it is not OK. He needs to talk to someone about his anger. It will only get worse, even though you say it is better. He will lose control sometime and you could be hurt very badly. I know he wouldn't mean it but the doesn't make you hurt any less.

Answer 8

Honestly, I really think you know the answer to this already...or you wouldn't be asking. I think you are looking for one of two things...someone to help you justify staying with this man or someone to tell you to leave him. Only you can make that decision....all I can say, is that if he was able to control his temper, he would have, and by you accepting his behavior, you are signaling it is ok...and by doing this, it could escalate even further.

Ask yourself this...can you imagine him exploding at your kids that way? If it is OK...is it something you would be OK with your parents witnessing?

I hope you can find a way to make peace with the fact that this is quite possibly not the man fo you (or any other woman for that matter)

Answer 9

You will become a target for the fist as well as the things that get thrown. Get out of there. He has a major anger issue, and is unsafe for you to be around. One day if you have children, the children will also be targets. Worse of all he will teach this behavior to children that are exposed to him.

Answer 10

hm, if he gets so angry that he damages property because he can't control himself-you've got a problem. how embarrassing that would be if someone came over to your house for tea and you have to explain the hole your man kicked through the bathroom door? why would you be embarassed... because it's not right! he should be able to control himself. it is just a red flag, meaning he's more likely to smack someone than a man who's got his emotions in check. i would wait another year before you tie the knot. if he has any outbursts during that time, you're pretty much guaranteed he'll have them all his life.. because right now he is most likely on the best behaviour he'll ever be on because he's trying to keep you in the picture.
i'd seriously reconsider your arrangement.

Answer 11

Taking aggression out on things is the first step. Taking aggression out on you will be coming. If he is getting better that's good, but maybe he should go talk to someone who deals with anger management, so that it will not become abusive.