navy wife w/ questions about first long deployment of hubby since being married?

Question

I am going to be dealing with my first deployment as a navy wife in a few months & do not know how i am going to deal (newer mom & pregnant with #2 hubbies missing birth & 90% of prenancy)..it scares me because i hear of all the men cheating & wifes cheating & of all the divorces because of deployment (how true this is i dont know but i've heard it alot from other wifes and husbands). i dont want to end up as one of the unlucky ones....i love my hubby very very much and wouldnt cheat on him nor do i think he would on me. how can i assure him when he is gone that nothing like that will happen with us?...what can i send him to make deployment seem to go faster and so he knows i love him and miss him? how can i make him feel as though he helped me through the prenancy & up to date without him feeling depressed or guilty because of missing his 2d child being born?

Also what can i expect while he is gone on deployment & when he returns?


thanks in advance

just thought of something else if he is on his way back do they ever send guys home when their wives go into labor or after the baby is born?

Answer 1

deployments are hard...i'm going through my first right now. We're 8 months in....and it's going really smoothly besides the loneliness factor. I'm by no means a professional at this, i'll just give you some tips that have helped my husband and I through so far.

First off...i try to send him something twice a week. Whether it's a package with beef jerky and books and games, or just a card with some pictures in it....it keeps him going. He loves getting the mail, and it gives him something to look forward to.

Unless he's a big writer, don't expect too many letters. There honestly isn't that much to say about what's going on over there. Either he can't tell you...or he doesn't want to. Leave it at that. Don't question him. It's hard.

This first deployment will make or break your marriage. You need to be strong and supportive of everything he does. Just remind him how much you love him, and miss him, and how proud you are of what he's doing. Being a military wife is the hardest job in the military, because you're the home base and the shoulder to lean on. Again, just be strong.

If you leave on or near base, there are FRG's you can get involved with. That's a family readiness group in case you didn't know. They personally didn't help me much, but they'll keep you up to date on deployments and things happening around base that you might be interested in.

MAKE SURE you have power of attorney. It's next to impossible to do anything without it. 3 words...power of attorney.

Now what to expect...expect sleepless nights.....alot of worrying about where he is, what he's doing, when he might get the chance to call again. There are blackouts CONSTANTLY, sometimes my husband can't call for a week. Again, if you live on or near a base, from my personal experience, you're just another military wife....they aren't that sympathetic.

If you have any questions, or just feel like you need someone to talk to....feel free to contact me, i don't know much, but i'm going through the same thing you are. Good luck, and god bless....you'll do fine!!!

Answer 2

Nothing you can "say' to let him know what you will or won't do during his deployment... I am sure he already knows. I did 7 deployments of over 6 months and I know my wife never did anything behind my back, that's just the way she is. Make sure you write often, send pictures and try to respond to his letters. DON'T ARGUE via e-mail, long distance etc. Contact some of these spouses on here that have gone through the same thing. Be positive, don't complain a lot to your spouse as it only builds stress, and there's not a lot he can do half a continent away. Things are different for most folks upon return... mine was generally no big deal, some private time, a little "welcome home" sex and then back to the daily routine. Good Luck.

Answer 3

I am a Navy brat and my father was away a lot from when I was born until I was about six. I feel military brats have a respect for God, country, and other people that others don't have. I would never join the military, just because I know from watching my father, I couldn't handle it. That is why I have even more respect for those who do join the military. Sure there are a few that take advantage of the away time, but the majority are like you. My mother bonded with other Navy wives like herself and they all leaned on each other. With the internet these days, bonding with other military spouses is easier than ever and many areas have support groups where you can find others to talk with.

As for what you can write or send him? Anything and everything!! That will remind him why he is over there, who he is working to protect, also remind him why you love and respect him so much.
I hope this helps and remember that I and many others pray for all military familes everyday, especially the family of Matt Maupin.
Stay strong and God Bless!

Answer 4

As a military wife, it's almost expected that you move from base to base with him--after his classes are finished. Many jobs are available on base, it would be like any off base position, you apply and hope you get it. Don't discount the "Target" type jobs, at least they are everywhere and you'd just have to put in a transfer. If you work on base, it is considered a government job and has excellent benefits and retirement plan. You can have pets, shots have to be up to date. You can transfer out of country if he is on an accompanied tour. If he is on an unaccompanied tour you stay stateside-If you can stay with family, it's to your advantage. He makes more money if he's on an unaccompanied tour. There are some places that you will want to look into before deciding to go-overseas, some are very expensive, or if you have kids-you will want to see if there is an english speaking school available-in most cases-yes. Your hubby won't be at sea 24/7, he may be out 3-6 months generally then in for a t least a couple. If you don't have to work, it's a great time to go to school when he's out to sea. It helps pass the time. There are activities for wives when the ship is out. My son is stationed in Hawaii and it's not on a ship, He goes home every night.

Answer 5

I can remember the first time my husband was deployed as though it were yesterday and I promise you, it won't be as bad as you think. My husband recently returned from yet another Tour in Iraq. We spoke, emailed and/or wrote every day. I kept a dictaphone with me and turned it on just to mention something to him, or record the children, or our friends and family. He also had one, so we would send them every week and it was such a treat to hear each others voices and be able to re-play. I know that some Military marriages come under strain but many Personnel marry too young or for the wrong reasons and young wives can be very vulnerable. You are an established family and you love each other. He will be very busy working (alongside mostly men!) and you have a family to keep you busy. Don't dwell on it. Remember you are now representing the family at home. Stay cheerful, learn a new skill, and know that when he gets home he will love you all the more for having supported him and upheld your family whilst he was away.

Answer 6

No they don't send husbands home for labor. My husband is in the navy. We have been separated for 3 years now. You need to send him happy letters from home. Pictures of all of you. As for the whole cheating thing. You two are going to have to trust each other. That is the number one thing in a marriage. It is hard when they go out. Things at first really suck. Cause you don't know what to do without them there. But it gets better. Just remember you ain't the only one out there. Go make friends with the other wives who husbands are out to sea. It will help pass time. They also know ever thing you are going through. If you need someone to talk to write me.

Answer 7

as far as the birth i can help there Hun, you need to find out when they will start to let the men take there R&R's. if hes able to he can schedule his R&R around the babys due date. Talk to your dr and a lot of the time they will go ahead and strip your membranes so that you will be able to have the baby while your hubby is home. they did that for me. unfortunitly they did it 2 days before hubby got home from his R&R and missed his daughters birth by 12 hours.
as far as the cheating thing there isnt really any way to get that out of his head till hes home hun. all you can do is show your support for him and show your love for him but try to do it even more. make sure you send regular letters and care packages to him. when your able to mail him extra letters and care packages (plently of pics) if you still have any questions or think of anything else send me an e-mail [e-mail] My hubby was deployed for a year so i know what its like and know what to expect, espechlly with already having one child and one on the way.

a military wife

Answer 8

Welcome to the club, My husband is in the Army and we just got trough our first deploment to Irak. If you two love each other and you comunication is good then you shouldnt worry about any of you cheating. He is not going tohave a chance while deployed and i dont think you will.Let technology work on your advantage this days soldiers have seen their kids being born trough webcams so work with his company and your rear ettachment people. I know tough the Army you could send them video and even teleconferences were scheduled for my husband company once a month while he was deployed. I also kept a dairy on how the baby was doing every day. A digital camera is a plus so you can send him email with picttures of the kids. Have him tape himself reading a book or saying goodnight to the kids and you can play it everynight, you can use your cellphone for this, or have him cll your hose and record messages for the kids so thy can listen to daddy. Keep yourself informed about what is going on with his company, call the rear dettachment or the family support group if theres is one in your hubbys company and keep busy. You will be with the kids but take some time for yourself you will need it. As far as him commimg back give him space and dont expect a fairy tale it will all sink into place eventually. Good luck to you and your family.

Answer 9

We had married men on my ship who never played around anywhere, and some who did.
Mostly, they had an agreement with their spouse and acted accordingly.
Some are swingers with selected friends, some stay totally true. There are no reasons to assume he or you will do other than you plan to do - so make plans and tell each other the truth.
The military wives vary as much as the military husbands.
Congrats on your pregnancy, it'll weigh on his mind a lot while he's gone. You won't be the only miserable one. Hang in there.

Answer 10

Write him all the time, not just with the mundane events of your day, but with reminders of who you are, what you're about, how you feel, and you mean to each other.

And before he goes, make sure he understands that you wouldn't have entered into a life, a marriage, parenting, with him unless you knew he was the one and only thing in your life, and that you understand he feels the same. All that other stuff you mentioned, about the cheating, don't even sweat it.

Just remind him of what a good man you know he is, especially while he's over there.