Does anybody know any good jokes?

Question

Any momma jokes maybe?

Answer 1

Your Mamma said to tell you not to be asking for those stupid Yo Momma jokes.

She says it makes you look and sound stupid when you tell them.

Makes you sound like ignorant White trash.


Here is a regular joke for you.


Marriage & Manners

This is a story about a couple who had been happily married for years.

The only friction in their marriage was the husband's habit of farting loudly every morning when he awoke.
The noise would wake his wife and the smell would make her eyes water and make her gasp for air.

Every morning she would plead with him to stop ripping them off because it was making her sick.

He told her he could not stop it and that it was perfectly natural.

She told him to see a doctor; she was concerned that one day he would blow his guts out.

The years went by and he continued to rip them out!

Then one Thanksgiving morning as she was preparing the turkey for dinner and he was upstairs sound asleep, she looked at the bowl
where she had put the turkey innards and neck, gizzard, liver and all the spare parts and a malicious thought came to her.

She took the bowl and went upstairs where her husband was sound asleep and, gently pulling back the bed covers, she pulled back the elastic
waistband of his underpants and emptied the bowl of turkey guts into his shorts.

Some time later she heard her husband waken with his usual trumpeting which was followed by a blood curdling scream and the sound of frantic footsteps as he ran into the bathroom.

The wife could hardly control herself as she rolled on the floor laughing, tears in her eyes!
After years of torture, she reckoned she had got him back pretty good.

About twenty minutes later, her husband came downstairs in his bloodstained underpants with a look of horror on his face.

She bit her lip as she asked him what the matter was.

He said, "Honey, you were right. All these years you have warned me and I didn't listen to you".

"What do you mean?" asked his wife.

"Well, you always told me that one day I would end up farting my guts out, and today it finally happened.
But by the grace of God, some Vaseline and two fingers, I think I got most of them back in."

Answer 2

One night, as a couple lays down for bed, the husband starts rubbing
his wife's arm. The wife turnsover and says "I'm sorry honey, I've got
a gynecologist appointment tomorrow and I want to stay fresh."

The husband, rejected, turns over. A few minutes later, he rolls
back over and taps his wife again. "Do you have a dentist appointment
tomorrow too?"

Answer 3

A 75 year-old man goes to his doctor for a check-up.
Doctor: "You're doing fairly well for your age."
Patient: "You think I'll live to be 80?"
Doctor: "Well, do you smoke tobacco or drink beer?"
Patient: "No, I've never done either."
Doctor: "Do you eat rib-eye steaks and barbecued ribs?"
Patient: "No, red meat is unhealthy!"
Doctor: "Do you spend a lot of time in the sun, such as playing golf?"
Patient: "No, I don't."
Doctor: "Do you gamble, drive fast cars or fool around with sexy women?"
Patient: "No, never!"
Doctor: "Then why in hell do you want to live to be 80?"

Answer 4

A woman had three daughters and they were all going on Saturday Night dates...

so the first guy knocks on the door and says: Hi I'm Freddie... I am here for Bettie is she ready?

Mama calls:Bettie its Freddie, are you ready?

Bettie comes down and they soon leave.

Then comes the second guy and says:Hi I'm Joe.. I am here for Flo, is she ready for the show... ?

Mama calls:Flo! its Joe, are you ready for the show?

Flo comes down and they also leave.

Then comes the third guy... he says:Hi, I m Chuck... is she ready....

and before he could even complete his sentence, Mama slams the door on his face.

Answer 5

person 1 : hey want to come round to mine tonight
person 2: no sorry
person 1; why ?
person 2: because ( with music ) me moma no like you and she likes every 1

Answer 6

Yo mama is soooo ugly we thought your dad was gay for 10 years!!!

Answer 7

One day this girl was talking to her friend and she said to her, "My boyfriend bought me flowers for Valentines day this year so I guess I have to put my legs in the air for him.", and her friend replied, "Why? Don't you have a vase?"

Answer 8

a hungary babie at a topless bar