When someone dies?

Question

A very close friend of the families Mother passed away yesterday. I don't know what is right or why. Sometimes, when someone dies they give you a card with money. I don't know why they give money or what is the correct amount to give. Please Help. I want to do the right thing.

Answer 1

Just be there for that family. You don't have to give them a gift or anything, a card would be nice or some sort of little note expressing your condolences or respect. Just let them know that you're there if the need someone to talk to or a shoulder to cry and they will be grateful. That's all you can really do for them at this point in time.

Answer 2

Any outpouring of love and sympathy is the appropriate thing to do. Some people send flowers to the funeral home. Some send a card. Some put money in the card. They give money because funerals and final arrangments are so very, very expensive. The amount is not as important as the sentiment. If you only have $5 to give, then that is a very thoughtful gift. Some take a meal in to the family. Some just offer an understanding smile and a big hug. Some offer a shoulder to cry on. As long as it is sincere, it will be appreciated by the family.

And remember, sometimes the hardest time for the family is after all the services and busy-ness are over with, and it is quiet, and the family is left alone to deal with the reality. Since you are a close friend, maybe a card and attendance at the funeral would be the right thing now, and after things have calmed down, offer your more personal support in your own way.

Answer 3

They give money to help with the cost of death. Depending on the state in which the deceased lived there are expensese for their living costs that are usually due immediatly. (Things like credit card bills, car payment and such.) A funeral is very expensive and can be excessive for the family... If you want to give them money wait a little while before doing it. maybe a couple days to let the initial shock of the death settle. At the funeral is the appropraite time for such things. There they will have a collection for this purpose. Whatever you can afford to give I'm sure is exceptable. Your friendship is needed more during this time. Just being there helps a great deal :)

Answer 4

I have received sympathy cards with money and cards without. I've also received gifts of food... everything I received was truly appreciated. The money may be used several ways, to help with the cost of the funeral, to help with medical expenses, to set up a trust fund for the surviving children, etc. I have sent sympathy cards with money or I have sent flowers or a plant or I have sent food gifts of snack platters or a baked ham. How well do you know the family? You might already know what their needs are at this difficult time. Another thoughtful gift is the offer to babysit the little ones while the funeral plans are being organized or offer to help clean their house for the flow of family and friends who will be coming by to give their condolences. Anything that you send or any offer that you make will be truly appreciated.

Answer 5

Certain cultures observe the tradition of including money with their sympathy cards. The money is given to help pay for the cost of the funeral, which can be extremely high (thus adding even more stress to the grieving family).

The best thing to do is to discreetly ask a close friend of the grieving family if that family observes this tradition. If they do, ask that person how much a person typically gives -- and follow suit.

Answer 6

Never heard of giveing money. I guess you could. We always take food. Something for dinnners that the family wont have to cook. I almost always take a cooked ham and some bread or salad. Maybe some fruit. I put it in foil pans that you can buy in the grocery store . The family can just toss them and there is no clean up.
If they don't eat pork, I take some sliced roast beef and bread. Desserts are also nice. If there are children in the home sweets are nice.
When my Dad died a friend of his who was a single man and didn't cook brought us some cold chicken and a pie from the bakery. It was sweet and thoughtful of him and just let us know that he was thinking about us.

Answer 7

The card with money is for a "memorial gift." The family of the deceased person decides what to do with it ... like give it to their congregation, or to an illness research organization (MDA). If at all possible, attend the services held for this woman. That presence is what the family will appreciate most. Say things like, "I'm so sorry for your loss." Avoid saying things like, "She's in a better place now."

Answer 8

A sympathy card expressing your love and thoughts is perfect. You may also send flowers to the home or the funeral home. Money is usually only donated to a charity in honor of the deceased or tto a fund to help the family. Letting the family know you are there for them and are thinking of them is always very appreciated.

Answer 9

You don't need to give money. I've never heard of that before. A sympathy card is good. If you are close to the family - you can cook something and bring it to them (this is so the people greiving don't have to worry about food on top of everything else) and the above is totally appreciated.

Answer 10

A hug, an offer of help for whatever they need (and mean it), just being with someone, maybe bring food. I don't think the money is done in every family - I've never heard of it.