Should I leave her?

Question

I've been engaged for 5 years, she seems in no hurry to marry me. She doesn't work and has 2 kids that I support. She doesn't really seem like she's into me, but she does include me in all family functions. She doesn't like sex, and isn't really interested in giving me the things that I want. But she does let me "get mine" usually once a week- "hurry up you've got 5 minutes"-not exactly romantic. She gets terrible PMS but has no desire to see a doctor to try to improve the situation. Her kids come first, which is understandable, but I'm not given any parental discretion and everything that is mine is also theirs according to her. I feel that I have nothing of my own and am not given the proper respect. I would leave except for the fact that she can't support herself or her kids. I feel too guilty to leave her. To some degree, in her own way, I think she does care about me. She set a date for the wedding but it was because I owed a lot in taxes this year. What do I do?

Answer 1

I'm sorry. She has made you both part of a relationship of convenience. Too many people fall into this, as it is hard to find love these days, harder to keep it, and nearly impossible to be on your own when kids are involved. I can sympathize with why you wouldn't want to leave. It would be hurtful for you, the kids, and a rude awakening to your fiance that she can't breeze through life with someone, calling all the shots.

People need to work together to make a marriage work. That doesn't always mean both of you having jobs. If she's committed to the kids and a lower budget while you pay the bills, thats commendable, but not marytrdom. How can she not WANT to have good communication, an eagerness to please you most of the time, and the confidence in you to allow you to have authority over the kids at least some of the time? These are all the big flashing warning signs that in the long run, will cause your marriage to be unsatisfying, lonely, and sad.

Of course you're going to feel bad, and she's going to feel bad, and the kids are going to feel bad....but what's the point of staying in this relationship if ultimately the facade is going to break through and you're all going to feel that way anyway? You would be doing the right thing to go now. Your fiance will have to learn to adjust and care for the decisions she made prior to you.

Give yourself a chance to find true happiness. From the care expressed in your question, you really deserve it.

Best wishes.

Answer 2

Hey buddy! Get out quick, she is using you and the longer you stay there the longer you are allowing this to happen. There is no reason for her not to be able to contribute to the financial responsibility of your relationship. DO NOT feel guilty if you want to leave right now, just get out! Don't be a "crutch" for her, you are allowing her to be a user. Leaving her may give her the motivation she needs, she's not gonna go hungry with children, there are to many programs to prevent that State aid, Welfare or whatever you want to call it. OMG this just pi$$e$ me off so bad, I work a full time job and attend college classes in the evenings, on my own none the less. Make her do something for herself before you get stuck there permanently.

Answer 3

Do whats best for you ALWAYS no matter how much it's going to hurt someone else. Follow your first instinct no matter what because in the long run theres always a reason that you thought that way. You might feel bad for her because she can't support herself but that no where near your fault. But, if you don't get off your A$$ and do something NOW then you WILL regret that in the future and you know that. If theres ever any doubt DON'T do it. Didn't your parents teach you anything? Don't worry so much about others keep and make yourself happy FIRST!!!! Good Luck!!!

Answer 4

You need to sit down and have a heart to heart talk with her. You need to get your concerns and worries out into the open. If you don't and you marry her, she will always do what she wants because she knows that you will not question it.
It sounds like she could be taking advantage of your kindness, by not working and having you support her and her kids.
Definitely talk to her and find out if something is bothering her and some ways of solving the problems.

Best of luck!!!!

Answer 5

Talk to her, be honest with her. Everyone should have some privacy, maybe it's time for her to get a job even if it's part time. Tell her things need to change, right now she's taken advantage of you. IF things don't change in a few months than yes I would leave

Answer 6

I think you still love her at least you still care about her and her kids, Try to remember what's good on her you just mentioned all what you don't like on her, Do you know what she doesn't like on you too ? keep close to her and ask her for change and know well what you should be to get her heart and love.
I think leaving her is not good for both of you

Answer 7

ok-first screw your head back on.

Are you so guilt-ridden that you'll let a "user" suck the LIFE out of you? She should be kissing your feet but you've obviously trained her to piss on them.

Dude, you can love her kids w/o supporting them. You didn't bring them into the world and the lady that did treats you like shizzle.

Cut yourself loose and go to counseling to understand why you make yourself a target...you deserve MUCH better.

Answer 8

you've basically got 2 choices.(1) leave her and find someone who does like sex and is not using you for a meal ticket. she wants to get married but doesn't give you any right as a parent. WTF!! she doesn't work AND doesn't want to put out. WTF!!!
(2) marry her and either commit suicide or add her to your payroll for the rest of your life when you get divorced.

bro, cut your losses, get out while you can, and she is not your responsibility.

Answer 9

She is playing games bro. Leave her and get it over with before you end up having to pay alimony. If she doesn't like sex, she's probably getting it from somewhere else.

Answer 10

You should talk to her and ask her when she wants to get married and ask her if she's still interested in that subject.