I really want things to work out. My sister and brother are younger (22 & 20) than me (27) and they look up to my husband as their older brother. They are rightfully upset with him, but now anything that he does they are really mad at him. My sister went so far as to say she doesn't want him around. He said he wants to work it out; I am hopeful, but also realistic. I know that it could happen again and I will be devastated, but I really love him. We have been together for 12 years, married for 4, no kids, both in grad school. What do I do to keep my family together? Thanks.
2006-06-30 03:31:19 · 25 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
What possible reason for cheating could he give you after 12 years that would encourage you to try to work things out? I know emotions are deep and it's less painful to try to "work it out" but the trust will never be the same. Send the right message to your siblings that infidelity is not ok, even if they apologize. Endure the pain and loss now and move on with your future. Your future sounds bright and I'm sure you will find someone who will truely appreciate you. A wise person once said "You have to love yourself more." As much as you may have loved him, you have to love yourself more and not let him treat you that way. There are no excuses for violating your trust. How can he look you in the eye and say-and mean- I love you after what he did? Sorry he did this to you but he made his choice and he doesn't deserve your love.
2006-06-30 03:48:38 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 5⤊ 0⤋
You have to look at it this way. Your brother and sister is trying to protect you from getting hurt again. It hurts them too, since they thought alot about him. Then to know, he went out and done that behind their sister back.
Have a talk with your kin folks, discuss what they have on their minds. Don't promise them , that he will not do it again. Cause you never know if he will or not. Just explain, you want to give him a second chance. For the sake of your marriage.
If they continue to be angry still, then let them be angry. Sooner or later, they will cool down. But they may never trust in your husband again. Which I can't blame them.
As for your marriage, you and your husband needs a long talk. Even if the trust is scatter in pieces and so is your heart . There is nothing wrong, for you wanting to try it out again. Tell him how hurt it made ya feel.
Try some marriage therpy. Hope things works out for the best. For your family and for your marriage as well. Good luck !!!
2006-06-30 11:00:10 · answer #2 · answered by kygl28 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you worked it out then good for you. Don't just listen to the negativity of your siblings, get advice from all viewpoints, including how YOU feel . Slip ups like this happen in nearly every relationship to a certain degree, it's only human nature. Monogamy is not a natural thing if you'd check scientific resources out, so it's hard to make it work but very possible. Just be rational, if he does it again I would definately seek maybe a counselor or divorce lawyer because in marriage he promises to be with you and only you...
2006-06-30 11:22:18 · answer #3 · answered by blakeksu05 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He cheated on you! What is going to keep him from cheating again? You know that deep down in your heart you don't want to admit it but most likely he will cheat again. One of my friends had a husband that cheated on her, she took him back. Not two months later he was doing it again. Once a cheater always a cheater. Your siblings don't want to see you hurting, you should look at things from their side. Their sister is hurting because some stupid guy. Some times your only family is the one you are born with, don't let some guy break up the only family you can count on. Good Luck and God Bless!
2006-06-30 10:40:19 · answer #4 · answered by Red F 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You said that it could happen again so find out why he did it in the first place and go from there. Your younger siblings are just trying to look out for you. Sit down with them and talk things out with them too. It'll help in the long run. If you feel that you can't trust your husband though then there's no use in trying. If there's not trust in a relationship or in marriage then there isn't one.
2006-06-30 10:38:09 · answer #5 · answered by tdogg465 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He will do it again if he hasn't changed, and you will be hurt again. I'm sure that's their concern for you, be grateful that you have such a loving brother and sister! If I were you I wouldn't have taken him back until you both started some counseling...and not because you have to but because you both want to. Just because somebody says they are "sorry and that they've changed" doesn't mean they have. What do you do to keep your family together? You both have to want to do this, you have to want to find out why you are treating one another so bad, you have to want to make things work, want to be faithful and work through whatever problems come your way, and not want to take the easy way out. Best wishes really.
2006-06-30 10:35:37 · answer #6 · answered by dixi 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i'll give you an opinion from the perspective of your younger siblings. the same sitution is happening to my older sister. however he didn't want to come back and they just had a baby. we really liked our brother-in-law, and i even approved of him (sisters approval whether said or unsaid is always important between sisters). its a really difficult choice to make. it you can forgive him thats all that should matter. but it will make things hard on your siblings for the rest of your life. i think you all should sit down and all talk about this. let your husband explain his side of the story to your siblings. if you want things to work forgiveness will have to come from your family also. i feel you still love him very much, but so did my sister and she had no choice. she is now raising adriel all by herself (she has lots of family help) but she is so sad, and affraid that she will never find anyone to love her again. i'm guessing thats what your affriad of. its your choice honey, but i feel that you will make the right one. their is plenty of love of there, and a lot of it belongs to you.
2006-06-30 10:44:30 · answer #7 · answered by ? 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
the fact is ...is this the first time he had done something like that to you ? if it is the first time ..first i would give him a hard time if you forgive him so easily then it would not be hard for him to do it again ...but if you take long to forget him he would think it twice next time
I think that there's no loyal guys they always cheat because they have no brain and if they do have it is located in his down area (genitals)
Ok if you would forgive him...try to find out why he did it ...i was married for several years and I forgave him but i keep my life apart from him ...it is difficult but I was missing the rainbow i found on the future...things happen for a reason!!!!it is the end of the road where your life and decitions are in your hands!!!
2006-06-30 10:41:05 · answer #8 · answered by Yami 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It was your decision, and you did what you wanted to do, so they should be angry with you, but if he does have another affair, I wouldn't accept it. There's no three strikes and he's out to this. Let him know that he can't mess up again, if that's how you feel. You wouldn't want to just keep accepting this for all of your life and thinking you're happy, because you probably won't be.
2006-06-30 10:38:04 · answer #9 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you just have to let your sibs cool off and regain their trust in your husband. I know this was hard for you, that's obvious. But, imagine it from their points of view. They probably looked up to your husband and put him on a pedastal. When he betrayed you, he betrayed them, as well. So the best you can do is be understanding and, hopefully, gradually, they will allow him back into their lives. But, you can't make them forgive him and you'll need to accept that.
2006-06-30 10:36:03 · answer #10 · answered by MissSubversive 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋