Make me laugh,10 points.?

Answer 1

Two kids are in Sunday School. A girl who keeps falling asleep sits next to a boy with his pen out. The teacher asks, "Who created heaven and earth?" the boy pokes the girl in the side with his pen. "God almighty!" yells the girl. "Very good!" says the teacher. The girl starts to snooze off again, the teacher asks, "Who died for our sins?" the boy pokes her with his pen again, "Jesus Christ!" yelled the girl. "Very good." The girl goes off to sleep again, and the teacher asks, "What did Eve say to Adam after having their 26th kid?" the boy pokes her with the pen again, and the girl yells, "If you put that thing into me one more time, I swear I'll break it in half!" The teacher fainted.

Answer 2

Blonde Jokes

What do you call a smart blonde?
A golden retriever

A redhead, a brunette, and a blonde are riding in an elevator. The redhead notices a spot on the elevator wall and says, "That looks like a *** stain!" The brunette leans over and smells the stain. "Smells like a *** stain too!" The blonde leans over and licks the spot on the elevator wall, then says, "Yep, but it's nobody from this building."

Why does a blonde only change her baby's diapers once a month?
Because it says right on it "good for up to 20 pounds."

What do you call a dead blonde in the closet?
The 1986 hide and go seek champion

A young blonde went to her doctor complaining of pain.
"Where are you hurting?" the doctor asked.
"All over," said the woman.
"What do you mean, all over? Be more specific."
The woman touched her right knee with her index finger and yelled, "Ow, that hurts!"
Then she touched her left cheek and yelled, "Ouch! That hurts, too."
Then she touched her right earlobe. "Ow, even THAT hurts," she cried.
The doctor observed her thoughtfully and asked, "Are you a natural blonde?"
"Why, yes."
"I thought so. You have a broken finger."

One morning this blonde calls her friend and says "Please come over and help me. I bought this killer jigsaw puzzle, but I can't figure out how to start it."
Her friend asks, "What is it a puzzle of?" The blonde says, "From the picture on the box, it's a tiger."
The blonde's friend figures that he's pretty good at puzzles, so he heads over to help her out. The blonde has the puzzle spread out all over the table. He studies the pieces for a moment, then studies the box.
He then says, "First, no matter what I do, I cannot show you how to assemble these to look like that picture of a tiger."
"Second, I'd advise you to relax, have a cup of coffee, and put all these Frosted Flakes back in the box."

How many blondes does it take to change a light bulb?
Two - one to hold the Diet Pepsi and one to call Daddy

Why did the blonde take two hits of acid?
She wanted to go on a round trip

What does a blonde say during a porno?
There I am!!

Why don't blondes talk while having sex?
Their mothers told them not to talk to strangers

What does a blonde say after multiple orgasms?
Way to go team!

Who makes bras for brunettes?
Fisher-Price

What do you call a brunette with a good-looking man?
Hostage

How can you tell when a fax has been sent from a blonde?
There's a stamp on it

Did you hear about the blonde coyote?
Got stuck in a trap, chewed off her leg and was still stuck

A blonde was walking down the road past a barley field. There she saw another blonde in the middle of the field in a rowboat, rowing as hard as she could. The first blonde realized how this reflects badly on all blondes and thought, "I'm gonna say something!"
She leaned over the fence and yelled, "You're the kind of blonde that give us all a bad name. If I could swim, I'd come over there and teach you a lesson!"

What did the blonde say when she woke up under the cow?
What are you guys still doing here?

What's the difference between a brunette and the trash?
At least the trash gets taken out once a week.

What's the difference between a blonde and a shopping cart?
The shopping cart has a mind of its own

Why are there so many blonde jokes?
It gives brunettes and redheads something to do on Saturday night

Why was the blonde delighted when she finished the jigsaw puzzle in 11 months?
The box said "two to four years"

What do brunettes miss out on the most at a great party?
The invitation

What do blondes and turtles have in common?
Once they're on their back, they're screwed

What do you do when a blonde throws a pin at you?
Run like hell! She's got a hand grenade in her mouth.

Why did the blondes stare at the orange juice for two hours?
The label said concentrate

What's the mating call for a blonde?
"I think I'm getting drunk."

What do blondes and cow chips have in common?
The older they get, the easier they are to pick up

Blonde walks into a bar, asks for a 15. What does she want?
A seven and seven

What did the blonde call her pet zebra?
Spot

Why did the blonde have square breasts?
She forgot to take the Kleenex out of the box

How do you drown a blonde?
Put a scratch and sniff sticker on the bottom of a pool

Two blondes are walking along and see some tracks. The first one says, "Look at those deer tracks!" The second one says, "No, they look like moose tracks." They were still arguing when the train hit them.

Why did the blonde drive around the block ten times?
Her turn signal was stuck

How did the blonde break her leg while raking leaves?
She fell out of the tree

Why did the blonde climb the chain link fence?
To see what was on the other side

What does a blonde do first thing in the morning?
Introduces herself and goes home

What does a blonde say after sex?
"All you guys play for the same team?"

What does a blonde say when she gets pregnant?
"Gee, I hope it's mine!"

Why did the blonde cross the road?
She doesn't know either

Answer 3

The Parrot Boy

An old man is sitting on a bench in central park when a teenager with a rainbow hair-dyed mohawk spiked up like a punk rocker and a nose ring sits down next to him.

The man begins to stare at him for a long time in shock.

Then the teenager says, "What you looking at old man?"

The man replys, "Nothing, nothing."

Again the man begins to stare at him for a long time and the teen says, "What's your problem, old man, you never did anything crazy when you were a kid?"

The old man replies, "Yeah, the thing is when I was a teen I got real, real drunk and f_u_c_k_e_d a parrot, and I was thinking tha you might be my son."

Answer 4

Gimme 10 pts I'll give u 10 pts.
the process will continue until I would make u laugh or u make me laugh

Answer 5

What do you do if your girlfriend starts smoking?
Slow down and use some lube.

There was terrible fire and the hardware store yesterday, the heroic staff managed to save all the paint, brushes and wallpaper. The management said they would be decorated for their bravery.

I was at the ATM the other day and nice old lady asked if i would check her balance, so i went ahead and pushed her over.

Answer 6

A boy is walking through a park when he sees Bill Clinton fall into a pond. The boy quickly runs over to the
pond and drags him out. Choking, Bill Clinton tries to thank the boy. However, the boy jumps up and runs
away. Wanting to talk to him, Clinton runs after him. The boy keeps runnning. "Come back, I want to
pay you back! I'll give you anything you want!" The boy continues to run. "Please, anything you want,
you'll have it, you just saved my life!" The boy turns around. "Anything?" he asks. "Yes, anything you want."
Clinton promises. The boy thinks for a moment. "I want a bodyguard," the boy says. Clinton starts to laugh.
"You're, what, eight years old? Why do you want a bodyguard when you could have anything?" "When I tell my
mom that I saved Bill Clinton, she's gonna kill me!"


The leaders of Russia, Iraq, and President Bush met with God. God told them that He would grant each one a wish.
The leader from Russia said: I would like fertile lands and fresh water so that my country would never go
hungry again." God said "Your wish is granted, you may go home." The leader of Iraq said, "I am tired of everyone
messing around with my country, so could you build a 100 foot high, 100 foot thick wall around it to keep people
out." God told him that his wish was granted and that he could go home. President Bush said, "Wait, he just
asked for a 100 foot high wall around his entire country?" "Yes." President Bush paused, then said, "Fill it with water."

Answer 7

True story--I'm a teacher and learned a lesson myself. An eight year old boy, who's mother is white and father is mexican, told me that this other kid called him a name and I said well what did he call you (which I learned never to do again) He said, "He called me a mexican terd" I laughed out loud before I got my composer to do the speech about name calling.

Answer 8

while taking my ex wife to work this morning because her car had broken down and I wanted to be nice. we past where someone had hit a skunk the smell was very strong and nearly brought tears to my eyes. I seen her grab her nose to mask the smell and I said new perfume or did you step into your sister before getting into the car.
without as much as a hesitation she said - that would be sis.

Answer 9

I'll tell my friends fave joke! well the night before turkey day this boys parents were fighting & calling each other b**** & Ba**** & the boy aksed what it meant & they said ladies & getlemen then the next day the boys dad is shaving & said $hit & the boy aksed what it meant & he said its the shaving cream he was using! then he went down stairs & his mom cut herself & said f*** & he asked what it meant & she said it was the way she was cutting the turkey then the doorbell rang & the boy ansewered it & it was his family the boy said welcome B***** & ba***** dad is upstairs putting $hit on his face & mom is in the kitchen F***ing the turkey

Answer 10

what do you call 200white guys chasing a black guy?

the US PGA tour!


2 fish in a tank..one turned to the other and said "do you know how to drive one of these?"



what do you call a fish with no eyes?

fsh(make the noise)