Almost a year ago i was married to a wonderful man whom i love very much. He has a 5 yr old girl whom i love.

Question

The only thing is sometimes i fill resentment toward her. She does these little things that she knows will get to me. Like when i first moved in and she would come over on weekends she would tell me that i would have to sleep on the couch because she was sleeping with her daddy and there wasnt enough room. I didnt want to rat her out so i never told my husband and then we would fight about her needing to sleep in her own bed and she would just smile, she likes it when everything is about her. I usually am very good with children but i have never been around a child like her. At first it seemed like she was out to get me then it got a little better, i still deal with something inside me when she comes over. I know partly its b/c she is not my child, i really think it would be easier if the mother would just give us custody. That will never happen though cause she gets money for her every month. i want this feeling to go away. Filling this way makes me angrey with myself.

Answer 1

Remember this is a five year old we are talking about. One who is probably very jealous about this "intruder" who is coming between her and her daddy. She may have a fear that her parent's break-up is her fault or that her father will not want to be with her like he and her mother don't want to be together. There are a lot of things going on here. It also sounds like there's a bit of jealousy on your part too, either for the child or for the mother for having given your husband a child. It's hard to be a step-parent especially when a child is young; but don't try to be her mother it sounds like this five year old needs a friend. maybe if you approach her from that direction, you can make her understand that you aren't a threat to her and you can get to know her better at thew same time.

Answer 2

You and your husband need to talk these things over and share idea's on how to deal w/ them. Many children's resentment toward a step parent may be fueled my the other parent. She is only 5 and very easily influenced by others, at home and at school. You may want to treat these situations lightly if you want a good relationship w/ her when she's older. It takes alot of time to form a relationship w/ step children. The myth of the wicked step mother should have long passed, however things are not always as they should be. Many times the step mother goes through much pain as she endures children acting out. The other side of the coin may be that the child is in pain, due to divorce and upset of the home. Often, it's hurtful for them to see their parent w/ someone else. As difficult as this may be, try to look over some of the digs thrown your way. Try and not let the fact that she's not 'your child' make a difference in how you treat her. I've had step children and have one of my own. I can honestly say, you can love a step child as much as you do your own. In our house the only steps were the ones leading up to the porch. Good luck and hang in there, it will be worth it in the end.

Answer 3

Sounds like you need to have an honest heart to heart with your wonderful man about his manipulative child.
Or you can become a mother figure and invoke a little discipline into the sweetheart's life and win her respect.
Being a mother figure does not mean that you bcome her mother it just means that you are an adult and expect her to treat you as one.
You and your husband should talk about what rules she is to have when she is in your house. These have to be agreed upon and stuck to for them to work. If your husband and you provide a united front then the child will settle in and be happier for it.
Without rules you will never get the respect you deserve and this situation will continue to fester.

Good Luck

Answer 4

sorry! remember that a 5 year old is pretty innocent in thinking but probably the 5 year old's mother is not. so even if the girl wants 2 sleep with her dad, she's thinking that it's nice to cuddle but the mom might have put her up to it because she knows there's more to it than that. try to give the little girl the benefit of the doubt and understand that some things kids do might have more of a loaded meaning to us adults, but she probably doesn't know it, even if it seems like she does. focus on enjoying time w. her; if u see faults & point them out to your husb, he'llhave to defend her a lot but if u really never complain about her, your husb might be free to see it himself and do something about it......besides, he will probably see the stuff that's coming from her mama rather than her. good luck!

Answer 5

If you listen to Titan9 you will be divorced in no time. The first answer was close; it needs some fine tuning. You will have this kid in your life forever - provided you stay married. Talk with your husband, an open honest conversation and explain your concerns - Then figure out how to deal with the child together.

Do not follow Titan9's advice

Answer 6

Emotions become dangerous when suppressed and expressed carelessly. So, ask your husband to solve it by asking the child to sleep in her bed room. If you demand it directly, the kid would feel that you are plucking her off from her dad and that would hurt her a lot. Your husband is the right person to solve it.

Answer 7

She's a child. Stand up to her. Act like a parent and athority figure and eventually she'll treat you like one. Also, don't be afraid to rat her out to her Dad, she's not your peer. Also, don't let her sleep with her dad (at her age it's starting to get creepy) Put your foot down and tell her no. If she has a tantrum, ignore it and put her in her own bed.

Answer 8

Well it really isnt your fault i think you shouldn't tell your husband anything because that would probably make him and her mad but try to hang out with her a little more and show her that you really like her and you wanna be friends.

Answer 9

Sounds like she needs a good butt whipping.