My daughter is asking questions about my scars???

Question

I am an ex-cutter... My daughter has just started grade one and one of the other kids pointed out to her that "your mommy has scars all on her arms" I tried telling her not to worry about it but now she is always asking me where they came from. I am not sure if I should tell her the truth or something else. Can someone pls help me???

My daughter is 6 and a half. I am 21.. And before all the comments start about my age and her age. I just thought I'd let you all know that she wasnt planned, and nor did I want to have a kid at the age. I was forced to have sex and this is the result. I just dont know how to explain it to her about my scars thats all.

Answer 1

When you are around her schoolmates wear long sleeves so they don't notice. With your girl stay as close to the truth as you can. You could tell her that you got cut with a knife....when I was sick ..... I thought it would make me feel better....It didn't make me feel better, it made me feel worse. Then you could tell her what helped you feel better. The focus will be taken off the cutting and onto healing. If you try to do a cover-up she will only be intrigued and may try it herself later, this way it is in the open and she can learn about healthy ways of coping, which may be invaluable later in her life..
God bless you both.

Answer 2

How long ago did you stop cutting? Children need to have the answers to the questions they ask, but they don't always need the FULL information. Always tell her the truth about any question she asks. To lie to your daughter now will only cause problems later. First grade means she's about 5 or 6 years old. At this age you might say something like, "They are from a time long ago when Mommy was sick. As Mommy gets better they will go away." Both the external and the internal scars will go away with time. While they are there, though, let them be silent reminders to you of your dedication to your daughter and her health and well-being.

Answer 3

the truth is alot worse than a good lie. calm her, and put her mind at rest, but be sure not to make the same mistake that led you to cutting yourself that your parents did not see.

cutting is nothing more than a form of attention grabbing, not matter WHAT happened to make you do it, the reason your mind let you is for the attention you craved. its sad, but true. many people, myself included have been there, I was not "a cutter" but i have cut myself to "dull the pain" or "get my mind off it" sure IT was bad, whatever reason we had to do it, but its all in the past, no more than 3 weeks went by before we even forgot what the hell we were so worked up about in the first place..

so, set your daughters mind at ease, and cover up the scars. buy that scar healing soulution that you can get at a supermarket or an eckerds. and live your life.


dont tell her the truth, because she is too young to deal with the pain the world will cause her, the ammount of suffering that will come when you die, and she is left on her own. Its just the way life is, and she will find that out.

Answer 4

Don't lie to her, but keep it vague. (eventually she's going to find out the truth, easier if she just transitions into the truth than be hit on the head with it full force one day )Tell her something like "mommy used to have an illness and thats where the scars came from, but mommy is better now and you don't have to worry, there will be no more scars" this is also a great opurtunity to use as an opener in teaching about teasing and how what we say can hurt people and to teach openmindedness and even about privacy and tact "i know your friends are curious, and that you are too, but they need to realize that some questions can hurt peoples feelings and shouldn't be asked. We need to respect peoples privacy so thier feelings don't get hurt"

Answer 5

First let me say to you that you should be very proud of yourself. Keeping your daughter after having concieved in the manner that you did was and is very heroic on your behalf.Although I don't know you, I am proud of you for having such inner personal strength. With that said, on to your question.
The first thing is that you need to be fully aware of why the cutting occurred and if the problem(s) have been resolved. Your inner strength is panamount in this. You should not go into details as to why or how you got the scars, because it will tell your daughter that it is an acceptable way to deal with problems in life. You should let her know, that you recieved the scars from something bad that happened to you, and if she inquires as to what that was you need to tell her something simple. Just don't go into the details, because that is a burden that she does not need to bear. You might want to tell her that you had an accident when you were younger and that your arms went through a window or something glass fell and you blocked it with your arms. Just don't tell her the truth. This is a rare instance when a lie is better than the truth.

Answer 6

I most certainly wouldn't get into details about any of it at such a young age. I would simply tell her that mommy made some bad choices and you'll explain them when she gets older and can understand but for now to know that mommy is fine and the things that caused those scars will never happen again. She probably just doesn't understand and is afraid something will happen to you. Good luck

Answer 7

Right now your daughter is too young to understand the full story, so right now I would agree with the person who said to say "this is what happens when you are not careful". BUT eventually I would tell your child the truth when she is old enough to handle it. I will NEVER lie to my children in the long run. My children (they are teens) know EVERYTHING about me, including bad mistakes that I have made. I had a rough childhood where a big family secret was kept from me and I did not find out until I was 29 and stumbled upon the truth. NEVER keep anything from a child forever, but for now, explain it away until she is ready.

Answer 8

What is a cutter? If it's bad, tell her that you had an accident until she's old enough to remember. If a cutter is a job, tell her the truth or if you think she can't handle it, think of something to say until she's a little older to understand.
OOOOOOooooooooooooh, I know what you're talking about. My daughter started doing that herself. She's 15.
Yes, wait. It was an accident and in a way, you're not lying.
My daughter says she doesn't do it anymore and I see no evidence that she ever has. Can you give me some advice?

Answer 9

Okay before i go onto answer the question, I absolutely love your screen name if i can call it that. My daughters name is Akira, but i call her 'kira, and if we have a second baby the name is gonna be Jayden. Ha as soon as I saw this I thought it was funny. Anyways...
You know I think your daughter is too young to understand the reasons behin the scars. I think it would be appropriate to tell her that it was an accident, dont give details, and then once she gets older and if she is still curious you can give her more of the specifics of what happened. Good luck with this!

Answer 10

I have a child that was born in this manner too, but I have never experienced cutting I guess I have decided to love myself everyday a little more so that I wouldn't do anything to harm myself. But if she is persistant with asking you this question just tell her the truth so that she would understand believe me if not someone else will eventually tell her if you don't and what better way for her to know than from her own mother. Plus you don't want her to make the same mistakes that you have made.

Please pray about it.