My ex and I have been divorced for 4 years. For the last 2 1/2 we have had joint custody but the boys ages 9 & 11 live with their dad most of the time and I get to keep them everyother weekend and once a week except this summer we take turns keeping them a week at a time everyother week. The problem is that my 9 year old last night realized that they go back to their dads tonight for the week and he locked himself in his room and packed his backpack and told his brother he was going to run away. Well, I knew he really wasn't and tried to talk to him and I also called his dad to see if he could spend some time with them and talk things out because when he does have them his job keeps him from them most of the time. I know they aren't being abused or anything like that. Their dad loves them but I know they want to live with me and their dad won't let them because he doesn't want to pay child support. It won't work to go to court. There has to be a major change in circumstances.
2006-06-30 02:53:43 · 15 answers · asked by skyjava1974 2 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
I have also offered to sign a paper that he wouldn't have to pay child support and he is an Advanced EMT also going to school to be a paramedic and his wife is also an EMT. He knows the boys want to be with me and would be better off but I think he is doing it out of spite since he cheated on me with his coworkers then married one of them and I filed for divorce when he wanted to stay married and have them too.
2006-06-30 03:01:23 · update #1
They say that if they tell their dad how they feel, they get in big trouble with him and his wife.
2006-06-30 03:03:49 · update #2
Oh Mom....you are preaching to the choir. I am going through the SAME thing. It is terrible that money is what drives the father's decision. I just tell me son that no one wants him to be unhappy, that his father and I arrange his schedule but of course we will consider his feelings! But I too have the step mom and father that get angry at him when he wants to come home! I finally took my son to a counselor and SHE told the father to either find a way to help his son be more happy at his hose OR let him come home to ME.
Good luck, hang in there, and just let yoru sons knwo how much you love them and will be there for them no matter where they are
2006-06-30 11:11:48 · answer #1 · answered by mariasonawire 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Sadly the children are reacting to the fact that their father isn't around during times they need him and you have been. Unfortunately, all you can do is explain to your son this is the way things have to be. You can't break custody arrangements without going to court or even attempt to change things. Try talking with the ex and see if you can both come to an agreement.
Family/individual counseling with the child may help get to the root of the problem.If the only reason the dad has custody of the children is to not pay child support it's a pretty sad reason and sounds almost like he doesn't want his own boys.
2006-06-30 09:59:51 · answer #2 · answered by the_doodle_bug 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to talk to your child and find out what it is about being at his dads that he doesn't like. Obviously there is a change your ex will have to make in his life to accomodate, or if your ex has a job like police or fire fighter, then somehow your child needs to know the importance of the job and the "why's and wherefores" that go along with it, including why he has to be away so much.
You're in a tough situation. I hope all works out well.
By the way, in many states when a child turns a certain age (12 in CA. and WA) the child can decide which parent they want to live with.
2006-06-30 10:02:59 · answer #3 · answered by David T 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe it would be a good ideal for you and your X to set down with the children and talk and see what it is that they want. The child support is such a big issue these days. And people sometimes get caught up in there own problems and do not think about the children. Not saying no one loves there kids. I have just seen it so many times in my own family. but what ever happens i hope the best for your children.
Why does the dad have them most of the time anyways? most of the time if his jobs keeps him away?
2006-06-30 10:02:21 · answer #4 · answered by freebirdat2002 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well from experence wiith my parents being divorced. I know how your 9 year old feels. But just try and talk to him. Maybe even when he is there take him to fun places like the park or something. And try to work someting out between you and your ex. Maybe he can get a different shift to where he is with the boys, or when he is at work you could take the kids unti he gets back. I understand your problem and hope that you take some of my advic
2006-06-30 10:00:22 · answer #5 · answered by A.C. 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow, that's a tough one. I know when my parents split up one of the things they tried, so that my brothers and I didn't have to move all the time, was they would alternate coming to live at the house. I don't know if maybe that might be a viable option for you or not. Moving around all the time like that can't be fun for the kids. Maybe remaining the same place all the time might make it a little less stressful for him. The other thing you might want to try is family counselling and individual counselling. Maybe he has feelings that he is afraid to express to you or his dad because he doesn't want to disappoint either of you.
Hope that helps a little.
2006-06-30 09:59:35 · answer #6 · answered by jet_333 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would say talk to your ex about the situation maybe you can have them for 6 months and they visit their dad when they want and then the next 6 months they live with their dad and nobody has to pay child support... it just might work...but if not then i would take him back to court b/c thats crap he wont let you have the kids cuz he doesnt want to pay you child support...that money if for the boys not anyone else.... good luck and god bless
2006-06-30 10:04:00 · answer #7 · answered by Rebekah 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First its about your boys and not the father,when you go through the the joint custody thing the first thing that some men do is holla well i have joint custody and I dont think that I should pay for the kids but so what he does what he does those boys have to live eat have clothes shoes and a roof over their head regardless of what he says honey you have to do this for your boys.
2nd
you need to find out why your baby(boy) wants to run away I
think that will make my red flags go up not like the daddy is doing anything to him but find out why .
we as woman sometimes just settle for anything but you dont have to find out from your county what can you do about this.
I could damn well right a book cuz I'm going through the same thing.
JUST BE STRONG HAVE FAITH AND LOVE YOURSELF AND YOUR BOYS and a little prayer might help.
My son's father wouldnt pay me anything I only asked for 300.00 to help pay for Daycare and now he has to pay me 766.00 girl you can do it the hell with him and his wife but that whats called a dual income go back to court and talk to your lawyer and l know that you have to do what you have to do.
2006-06-30 10:12:00 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
well you need to talk to your child about their living situation and why it is the way it is. You also need to talk some sense into their father about support... if he doesn't have time for them then why even have them at his house. Also, your children are old enough to decide where they want to live. Maybe if you dont put it in court your ex will pay you support to care for the children?
Good LUCK!!!!
2006-06-30 09:57:25 · answer #9 · answered by Deanna M9903 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow that is a rough age, I can tell you this, right now you and your ex need to come together and be very supportive to your son's feelings. While being supportive, explain that Dad has resposibilities to his jobs and all of you which require him to work. Then pray, pray a lot - I know I was a single working Mom, and the girls really resented me and my actions.
2006-06-30 10:04:31 · answer #10 · answered by worldstiti 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋