my daughter is 15. she doesn't live with me because of some trouble she got into last year. she is coming to stay the weekend with me. i am scared of her, and i don't trust her. i do love her very much. i would feel very guilty if i said she couldn't come, she is my daughter, i don't want her to feel rejected by her parents. i have to walk around on egg shells when i am with her, trying not to make her mad or upset her. does anyone know how to handle this, or have been thru this?
2006-06-30 01:56:01 · 12 answers · asked by ? 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
If she got into trouble she probably already feels rejected by her parents. When my parents divorced when I was 12, I was hell on two feet for about 3 years, because neither parent wanted to give me the attention I needed at 12. Then I was raped at 13, and told by both parents that I was lying, put in psychiatric hospitals and the states custody. You can figure out how THAT felt. I got into trouble as a desperate attempt to get some sort of positive attention from my family, but negative attention was better than NO attention. They realize now their mistakes, but it doesn't change that I lost 3 years of my life being a ward of the state because neither parent was willing to be a parent. I'm 20 now, been off antidepressants for 5 years, declaired misdiagnosed of the multitude of mental illnesses I supposidly had at the time. To be perfectly honest, pills only made the problem worse, as then and now I am FIRMLY against medicating children OR adults for any reason short of it being the VERY LAST option.
Give being a mom a try, rather than trying to be her friend. She probably desperately needs your love and guidance. She's going through alot right now, and it's a lot different even for kids a few years younger than me than it was for you growing up. I'm sure that it's even more hellish to be 15 now, than it was when I was 15.
Another thing you have to consider is hormonal instability. That was the root cause of much of my "bipolar" behavior. Not everything emotional can be treated with Paxil. She's 15, her body is figuring out what it's supposed to do right now. Even now, with my hormones much more balanced out, I can be a raving ***** when I'm PMSing. You'll get to re-live the hormone fluctuations soon enough, when you hit menopause, or if you ever have another child. Think about what it was like. Show her compassion but be the parent.
2006-06-30 02:09:22 · answer #1 · answered by sovereign_carrie 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The first thing you need to do is stop walking on eggshelss around her. This is exactly how she wants you to feel. If she knows that you're afraid of her, she'll use that too. Stand up to her. YOU ARE THE MOTHER...SHE'S THE KID! If it's physical violence that you are afraid of make sure that she knows that you have NO PROBLEM calling the cops if she gets out of line. Tell her that you love her and having her there, and that is she like to visit THE CRAP STOPS NOW!!! I have a 15 year old stepdaughter that lives with me and my husband, and has for 2 years now. The first year I did everything I could to baby and coddle her. That got me nowhere. Finally I just told her that this is my house, my rules, my way. PERIOD. She has alot more respect for me and we get along alot better. I also made good and sure that she knew that I was NOT AFRAID OF HER, but that she'd better be careful with me. GOOD LUCK.
2006-06-30 09:08:57 · answer #2 · answered by mazey1967 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your daughter is only a kid!!! For god's sakes she is just 15!!!! Yes children can be quite untamable at that age, but if she is coming to spend time in your house, it means SHE FOLLOWS YOUR GROUND RULES, and that's that. Period. Why should you be scared of her? If you love her, then you dont want the worst for her. And when you want her to have the best, you need to be firm with her. Dont you show any weakness in any area or think she will be mad at you for anything to say or do. What she needed from you a long time ago was a firm hand or a tight slap!! Be strong lady - kids know their parents weaknesses and use them to get their way. Dont let em have it or they will be the losers in the eventuality. Good luck!! BE STRONG - BE POLITYELY FIRM - GIVE LOVE.
2006-06-30 09:03:54 · answer #3 · answered by someone 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you are her mother, and if she had to stop living with you because of something she did then she has no right to get upset with you. You should never feel uncomfortable in your own house. I'd say be respectful to her as you would to any visiting relative... but do not go out of your way and 'walk on egg shells' it's just letting her get her way and pushing her into the mind set that she can get away with anything
2006-06-30 09:01:16 · answer #4 · answered by lexie 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sit down and talk to her, tell her what you expect from her and the rules she will have to follow while living in your house. Do not let her run your house, you are the adult, she's the kid. You should not be afraid of her or walk on eggshells around her. She's 15 she's going to get angry and upset no matter what you do because that's what happens at that age!
2006-06-30 09:12:48 · answer #5 · answered by ericalsmith2004 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have to remember you are the parent,who cares if your teen gets mad at you for discipline??In the long run you will gain more respect from them when they are done being angry.i do have an experiance with this my daughter is 14 and i just figured out she has plenty of friends at school,at home she needs a mother!Good luck,God bless:O)
2006-06-30 09:53:35 · answer #6 · answered by melissa_froggies 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't get it why are u scared of your daughter? She is ur daughter so, firstly show that u r the one making the rules! Secondly, talk it out.. U both need to take help, if u can't do it yourself.
All the best.
Chao!
2006-06-30 09:15:16 · answer #7 · answered by Manu_luvsham 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like the two of you need to sit down and have a heart to heart talk about how each of you feel and what you expect from each other. Remember I love you is a great starting point....
2006-06-30 09:06:00 · answer #8 · answered by summer 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Have other people stay over with both of you for the weekend. Prefferably people she really liked.... maybe her childhood neighbourhood friends. That would keep her calm with childhood memories and keep you anther company in case something goes wrong. Keep your neighbours alert too in case they hear anything unusual. Show her motherly affection not the fear you feal that makes her feel the one in control.
2006-06-30 09:07:36 · answer #9 · answered by suruchi 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Simple talk out right, get to the point with her. Be clear of your expectations and demands.
Communication is a two way street, you can't listen if your mouths is open.
Remember your the parent, out think her
2006-06-30 09:01:18 · answer #10 · answered by Gordon N 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋