what do you do if someone you HAVE to be around everyday does...?

Question

things that makes you slightly ill? like bad grooming habits? *clearing throut noises like hacking a hair ball, picking ears,nose while talking to you* or making comments under thier breath about service people (waiters,cashiers)
but there is no way to not be around this person everday? how long can you look over thier head while talking to them?

why do you all think it's a guy? it's not. and this is not really work related.

Answer 1

That's a tough one. A lot depends on if this person can take constructive criticism or not. Some people can't and no matter how sweetly you tell them that some of their habits annoy you, they will be offended. If you can talk to this person, try to point out NICELY that these things annoy you and that you are probably a little oversensitive about this stuff but you would consider it a great favor if he/she could maybe just not do these things in your presence. If this person is likely to be upset no matter what you do, then do nothing. Just try to ignore what bothers you and look for the things you like in this person. No sense starting something that will only get uglier with time.

Answer 2

OK, I would have thought this was a guy until you said otherwise. People's perception of a woman who does the hairball throat thing will probably be very harsh, but it's so common among men. How was this person raised? These habits seem to crop up in kids who were largely ignored. She might just not know any better if nobody ever took the time to explain it to her.

Since you have to deal with this person, taking the list of things that they do and asking them not to do all of them, no matter how gently you put it, will probably demolish them. They'll hate you. Pick a few of the big ones and point them out, gently. If she just never thought about it, you can explain that it's a little off putting, and people will react better to her if she doesn't do them. If she ever grumbles that people are rude to her, well, then you have an opening for this very conversation. As for the grooming habits, there are two things that you can do. One: you can make an effort to look VERY good every day. This is kind of underhanded, but if she notices that next to you she looks like a pig, she might make an effort to improve on her own. Second, at the next gift giving occasion, you could present her with a little basket of fun, pretty, soaps and body sprays. I'd pick a not very girly scent like ocean, tea, or vanilla, because it doesn't sound like she'd go for anything too froofy like lavender.
Anyway, good luck.

Answer 3

I say speak up. Say something to them about some of the smaller habits when they happen. If they start to pick their ears or nose in front of you, you can say something like "Excuse me, do you need a tissue?" Sometimes they don't realize they do it. I don't know what to tell you about the comments about the service people, since you didn't mention what kind of comments they are. Rude? Sexual? Other? In any case, you're best bet is again, speak up. Say something to them about how you don't think they need to be talking about others like that. Bring up a conversation on karma. You know, what goes around comes around! Maybe they'll get the point. Maybe not. If they don't, try to limit the amount of time you have to spend with them or make it so you just happen to have to go do this or that or whatever whenever they're around.

Answer 4

If the person in question is a friend, maybe finding a kind, gentle way of letting the person know that some of the things they do are offensive to others would be effective. If the person is a coworker, then possibly merely avoiding too much contact would help, or, an anonymous note left in a subtle place might do the trick. If it is a question of health risk, or cleanliness, then a supervisor may need to be consulted.

Answer 5

Your in a tough situation, maybe try getting them a gift basket with some personal hygiene products in it. Give it to them as a birthday or Christmas present. As far as the other annoying habits maybe wait until you see a stranger do the same thing and point it out to this person and tell them how gross it is. That way you are not targeting them personally but still letting them know it is unacceptable behavior. I would hate to be in your position, good luck. I hope you find a solution.

Answer 6

Don't look over the person's head. Offer him/her a tissue or a Q tip, ask him/her if they would like or need a ride to the Dr. to check out that hacking that he/she seems to have had for a while. A-lot of people have bad habits that they are unaware of, if you would happen to bring it up, they may actually stop and realize what they are doing. Good luck.

Answer 7

If you're a true friend you'd tell them. Sometimes people do things unaware that what they are doing is bothering the person they are with. We are all brought up differently. What's irritating to one might be okay for the other. You might find a person you burps whenever or farts whenever and it doesn't bother them but the next person will be terribly bothered by it. So tell your friend, I'm sure you don't want to loose a friend just over that without the friend knowing what he/she did wrong. He/she might change if you let them know.

Answer 8

If its not work related then why do you HAVE to be around them?
Are they family?
Just don't be friendly to them at all. If they are a customer, then just be business like, make it short and quick. Hell do that anyway. They'll think you're a snob and start pulling back away from you as well.

Answer 9

I'd tell this person that their behaviour is unacceptable and embarassing for me to witness, and if they don't stop it I will only visit them in private.

I live by the rule, "Never silently let another person cross my boundaries, and those who won't respect my voiced boundaries are not entitled to spend any time with me for any purpose."

Individually, we are the ones responsible for the way others behave around and towards us. We set the standards for how others treat us. End of debate.

Answer 10

If it is as bad as you say than I would just come out and say, Hey buddy...... Shower...Shave...Soap...Rude.... Nose and Ear Hair....YUCK...Smell Bad... Deoderant...Somtimes we have to do what we have to do. I did this to my friends brother, heis just totally rude disgusting and smelly, he may be the same person you are dealing with. Anyway Good Luck..If you want get me his phone number, or e-mail, I will tell him. Or better yet why don't you try sending him an annonomyous letter e-mail. Be brutally honest..