My son has been in jail for 90 days for his 3rd DUI, he is out and working but I'm very concerned, Help?

Question

Everytime I talk to my husband about this he tells me he is not driving and drinking and I should not worry about it. My husband drinks 2 or 3 beers a night. I hate beer. My oldest son was an alcholic and went thru treatment, this son has been in jail and every time I talk to my husband about it, he says there is no problem. Any comments on how I can get my husband on the same page and a get a little peace of mind for myself. How can I help my son?

Hi is 27 years old

Answer 1

Your husband is in denial, because to admit that your son has a problem raises the specter that he might have a problem. So, I wouldn't count on him for any support. YOU should contact your local Alcoholics Anonymous. They have support groups for family members and can provide strategies for how to deal with your son...and your husband.

Good luck to you.

Answer 2

I honestlty don't know why some people have so much trouble seeing the forest from the trees. Truly madam you recognize that your son has a serious problem. Your son should know by now that he also has a serious problem so hopefully this time it'll take hold and he'll stay sober. Your husband is the one who really needs to come to grips with this. I can't understand how your husband feels that there is no problem with your son.
So forget your husband. If he stupidly doesn't want to admit this is something that needs to be addressed you'll have to do it on your own. I would recommend trying to get your son convinced to attend AA classes. I also am surprised that the court has not ordered alcohol counseling and treatment on top of the jail time for your son.
If you manage to contact an AA person, perhaps they should start working on your husband first. Not because he drinks 2-3 beers a night. But to bring him around to see that your son needs some help to get this monkey off of his back.
Good luck with this and I truly hope this works out for you in the long run.

Answer 3

How old is he??
We have been dealing with this with our friend/employee for over 5 years now. I am sure you can imagine the hell we've been through. He is finally fired, and also will be serving 6 months in jail and loss of license for 5 years.
The bottom line, after trying to help in every way possible, short of restraining him, is that there is nothing you can do except pray and continue to bust your butt trying to do something. It doesn't work often, but you will at least feel better that you are trying.
It is the results of a weak mind, weak character.
Anyone of us can Look in the mirror and convince ourselves to be living a better life, or be a person that we know we can be. Period.
Of course there is a problem, but your husband's head is in the sand, because if he admits the problem, then he will be forced to look inside himself for possible reasons, and he doesn't want that responsibility. Maybe they both think " the cops are out to get us.",
I apologize for sounding cold. This sucks, mom. I have to suggest just changing the way you let it effect you, because you can't change him. Maybe he has to get real down and dark if there is a chance. Let him know that you are always there for him, but he is sucking the life out of you, so you are completely a wreck, and can't go through life anymore like this.Tell him that you are not proud of his behavior, or this weakness, and that a mom is a person's last chance.
try whatever works, but let him know what is going on inside of you, truly. Anything you say will not send him over the edge even more, he's already backed up against a wall with nowhere to go.
By the way, AAS isn't always the answer. many people use it to show the world that he/she is on the right path, but eventually it wears off, like when you stop paying attention.
The time to help him be a better man was when he was a boy, after that, we lose the control, if we ever had any to beging with.

Answer 4

To be honest (and I like beer myself) - MANY MANY people get DUIs, including cops, judges and lawyers. It is not a good position to be in but let's face it, how many of us have gone out to dinner or to a party, had a few drinks and drove home? MANY. The thing is, the DUI test will pick up on low alcohol levels which may be illegal for drinking. I think most people are just lucky they dodged the officers.
Your son may have a drinking problem. The biggest problem, however, is HE will need to recognize it and WANT help. If he doesn't want it, there is nothing you can do. You can force him into a treatment center but if he doesn't want it, it won't work.
What may help YOU is checking out Al Anon.
Good luck to you.

Answer 5

It sounds like your hubby is enabling your son's (at this point) addiction. He is acting like there is no problem, when there is a huge problem. Part of me wonders what it will take for your hubby to realize that he needs to help your son overcome this addiction he has.

I think you should throw out all the alcohol in the house. Tell your hubby so long as your son keeps getting in trouble with the law because of these types of drinks, you will not allow it in your house. Tell him your concern is with what your son is going through.

Next, you should send your son to a rehab center. He will get the professional help that he needs. Keep the alcohol out of the house, even after he is released from rehab.

Those are the only things I can think of. Hope it helps you, even just a little bit!!

Answer 6

No, not really. I have a similar situation with my brother who is presently serving one year of a two year sentence. Your husband as your son will both have to acknowledge that there is a problem before anything can be done. And your husband doesn't believe there is obviously. You can keep talking to him and maybe just maybe he will come around. Good Luck.

Answer 7

Unfortunately, they all have to help themselves. All you can do is tell tehm how you feel and pray for the best. I would not buy beer though, if they want it let them go get there own.

My dad and one of my brothers (now deceased) were the same way. My dad got court appointed help and for now it seems to be working. I quit talking to him for a few years because of it though. It is seriously screwed up that he cannot see that it is problem.

I will keep you in my thoughts and Good Luck.

Answer 8

Clearly, your husband does not want to address this matter. Can you talk to your son directly? Regardless, he has to want to change before anything can be done. You can try to suggest rehab or therapy, but the decision will ultimately be his. It might help for you to attend some Al-Anon meetings which are for family members of alcoholics. Good luck to you.

Answer 9

good question... your son has to decide for hisself to quit drinking.. and he could face prison time if he gets to many dwis..i do not understand your husband lack of concern for this.. i actually had 1 dwi and i am done.. i do not even drink any more.. the cost and fines was enough for me.. i do not like courtrooms either...they have to decide for theirself to stop this acton.. have they went to statop?? it is a alcohol treatment program....i wish i knew what else to tell you .. i would stop worrying so much yourself cause they will have to pay for their own mistakes.. i know that is easier said than done.. i hurt every time my sons get into trouble.. but you can not get anything into their head.. just take one day at a time... but i do think your husband could be more help if he would...

Answer 10

You can't unless they want the help.
That's the problem with alcoholics, they don't know they have a problem until they're ready to admit it.
You can't force it.
Try leaving them. Just give up on them, maybe time for a little tough love.