As a parent, do you feel that it is unfair to your older children to have more babies in less than two years..

Question

As a parent, do you feel that it is unfair to your older children to have more babies in less than two years after the older children are born?
If you have 3 children that are all under the age of 5, do you feel you can give proper attention to the oldest kids when you have a newborn to care for?

Alcira B suggested that I get involved with other families with multiple kids.

I don't get out much as my kids are still under 5 and one is a newborn...can anyone suggest how to meet some families with multiple kids (besides going to church...everyone's so busy that they don't take time to stop and talk. Maybe I need to switch churches?)

Answer 1

I´ve been blessed with the exact situation. I have 3 kids, currently almost 5, 2yrs9months and 20 months. In other words at one point we had 3 kids ages 3 and under.

Yes, its been hectic on my husband and me, but we rather have our hands full than not having kids. As for them, I have time for all 3, to do things together and to do things independently. They each have their distinct personalities and needs.

As for me, the hardest part has been finding "me time" but by putting my priorities in order it seems we get to everything. My suggestion: count your blessings. be thankful for those kids, and think, you are not the only one in the world. I have a friend who has 11 kids, several who have 9, 8 and seven kids, and they all are great families. What is important? A relationship with God, from whom you get your strength, a caring, respectful relationship with your spouse, and discipline in the home. Make friends with families with many kids, that will get you away from unfair critisism, and finally try to delegate what can be delegated.

God bless you.

Answer 2

I don't think it is unfair at all. I have a 15 year old and then I have a 4 year old, a 3 year old and a 1 year old. My 4 year old and 3 year old are not even a full 12 months apart. For a while they are both the same age. None of my kids are forgotten. My 4 and 3 year olds are like twins and they have this world that they play in. I have time for all my kids and in fact I home school them. I don't home school the baby of course but the others are learning things by leaps and bounds. They never lack for someone to play with and the older ones teach the younger ones things. Sure they fight like other siblings do but they make up and are like best friends within minutes. Now when the 4th child came I am not going to say that the 3rd one wasn't jealous because he very much was. However, they are like best friends now and they play all the time together. I think having them close together has made a strong bond between them. I wouldn't change a thing.

Answer 3

I thought the bigger adjustment was going from 1 child to juggling 2 of them. By the time the third comes around, you're already used to sharing yourself & meeting both of their needs, that adding the third was actually easier for me than adding the second. My oldest son is 3 years older than his brother, who is just 1 year older than the third. (They all just turned 8, 5 & 4).

Sometimes it does seem "unfair" to the oldest that I have to stop what we're doing to attend to his brothers, but life isn't fair. On the flip side, the oldest "gets to" do more than the younger boys so they get jealous as well. It's all in how you balance things & what support you get from family & friends.

From the "If I knew then what I know now" department, I would have had them all closer together for several reasons. 1) It was more difficult for me when my oldest was 3 when his bother was born, because at 3, he was getting independent, walking, talking,etc. "Starting over" with a baby at that point was quite an adjustment. Since my middle son had just turned 1 when his brother was born, I was still in "baby mode" and it was more of a continuation. 2) My 2 younger boys are so very close emotionally - almost like twins. Much closer to each other than their older brother. 3) My youngest does not like to be left behind & shadows his big brother. As a result, they met a lot of milestones together. When the middle was 3 & the baby was 2 - they both potty trained. A few days ago my 5 year old took off his training wheels on his bike - an hour later so did my 4 year old!

Whatever the ages of your kids, love them & enjoy them - mine are already growing up too fast!

Answer 4

Fair? huh, well I have 5 kids. My step kids are 21,19,17, and my boys are 8,3. I always include all of the family in everything. The two oldest were out of the house when I had the last one. So my 8 year old (then he was five) helps me with all kinds of things. When my baby was born my 8 yr old was at the hospital to greet his brother. And I still mad sure to read him his stories at night and we even had a date once a week, just him and I. we would go for walks or go fishing, anything to be alone and spend good time together. Believe me you can make anything work when you have kids. You just need to figure out what is best for all at that time. And that means you too. Don't forget to take you time and you and hubby time. I work a full time job and still have three kids in the house. It can be done.

Answer 5

i dont feel that it is unfair. i have a 2 1/2 year old and 16 month old twins. when my son was 5 months old i found out i was pregnant again and my mom told me that it was unfair to my son and that with newborns he would get left out. that didnt happen at all. i made sure that my oldest was involved with his new brother and sister and i think the fact that the three of them are so close in age that they will have a tighter bond.my son has two playmates. also another thing i made sure to do was to make time for just me and my oldest to spend time together while my twins were newborns and also now i make sure they get the individual attention they need as well as us all spending time together.

Answer 6

I don't think it is unfair, as children need companions too, and having a sibling can eliminate the feeling of loneliness, not having anyone to play with etc.

I think having another child after 10 months or so is fine.

You have to get every child involved with each other, then ou would be giving attention to all at the same time. I only have 1 daughter who is already almost 11 months, and I feel that evethough she has so many toys, she is seeking for companionship with other children... what better way than to have her own sibling.

Answer 7

I think it doesn'e matter how close and how far apsrt in age they are. My mom had 7 kids and the oldest (my sister is 33) and the youngest (my brother is 11) and the rest of us are like 5 years apart but the closet 2 in age are 17 months apart. She paid attention to each one of us. Not a one was left behide.

I have a 4 year old and i have been thinking of having another but i haven't made my mind up yet.
I would rather them be apart in age then so close to were it would be hard on the mother.

Answer 8

No it is not unfair. My wife and I had twins when my son was 2 1/2. He loves his sisters, and he has a great time playing with them. My wife and I both come from a similar family set up, where we are at least 5 years apart from our siblings. This kept us from being as close when we grew up, so for my situation, I think it is better for my kids. Granted, when you have one child, you have more time, and if you wait longer, your older kids can help, but just because it is harder on you, doesn;t mean it is damaging to the child. I think having kids closer together will make your family closer in the long run.

Answer 9

I only have 2 kids but I plan on having more. My girls are 51 weeks apart and are 15 months and 27 months now. I've always made time for BOTH of m kids. My oldest and I have mommy and daughter time and so do my youngest and I. The best thing about having more than 1 child is that they become playmates. My kids will play together for hours on end. For me, it's amazing watching them play together. I plan on having another child in 4 years. Both my girls will be in school then. My 2 year old already tells me she wants another baby...lol. My grandma had 10 kids and she made time for every one of them. It's not impossible to do as some people think it is.

Answer 10

Yes, it is unfair not only for the kids but for the mother of kids as well. There should be minimum of 2 years gap between births of kids. No matter of if you have three or four. Ideally, it should be like that when the youngest is born, 2nd one is 2.5 years old and the eldest is 5 or 5 years and three months old. But is this the right way to keep wives busy? :-)