I like this bartender, and I do not know what to do?

Question

I was in a long relationship and it has been more than three months since we broke up. I would like to date other guys, instead of staying at home. Three weeks ago, Friday, I met this bartender. I was at a bar with my girl-friend and we noticed that he was looking at me (checking me out). So I flirted with him a little, but it ended there. So I went to the same bar on Saturday and I saw him look at me again. I went there after that and I couldn't even buy a drink from him, and the first night he even gave me a free one. I would like to get to know this guy, but I do not know why he is avoiding me now. Should I say something to him first or just wait for him to come to me, and if he doesn't than to look for someone else? Could it be that someone said something bad about me?? The waitress was looking at me in a weird way the first night. Maybe she likes him and said something??? I do not know. I am confused!!! NEED ADVICE

Thank You so much for answering. I was hoping that someone would give me an answer before i make a fool of myself.
Here are more details
I will start by answering your questions
Yes he was flirting with me. He was looking at me and we exchanged eye contact a lot of times. Once I saw that he wasn't coming to me by himself I called him over. When he came I told him that my straw fell into the drink and asked him if I could get another one. He smiled and brought it to me. After that we exchanged eye contact again and I smiled at him. I called him over again. When he came I looked at him in his eyes and said that my straw fell in again. He leaned over at the bar and gave me this very deep look into my eyes and said "what did you do this time". I put an innocent smile on my face and said that I had nothing to do with it that it happened on its own. That is when the waitress came over and said something to him. He was still looking and me and smiling.

She looked at me and gave me a fake smile and turned to him and said something to him again, but I couldn't hear what it was.
After that i ordered another drink, but he told me that he only makes "Sex on the Beach". After that I ordered another drink and he didn't charge me for it. The bar got very busy than, so I left. I didn't want to be a distraction at his work.
Next night I thought that it would be best if I sit at a table far away from him, but where he can see me. So that is what we did. I wasn't paying attention to him, but my friends were keeping an eye on him. He was still looking at me, not my direction but at me. We exchanged eyecontact a few times, but not as much. I wanted him to come over to me if he was interested, or so I thought that. When I went home that night without him asking for my number I was very dissapointed.
As you know he was avoiding me after that.
I would like to get to know this guy so I went up to him.

I went there, and called him specifically to take my order. When he came over, I ordered my drink but before he left I asked him "Are you the type of a guy that waits for a girl to make the first move or you are just not interested."
The answer I got, I wished I never asked.
“Interested in you?"
I looked at him and didn't know what to say, but I wanted to keep my cool. I said something, not sure what. I think I said “no not me, who do you think?"
His answer was "When I am working I am working"
I asked "So when are you not working", but since we were both speaking on each others ears over a very loud music, he asked me what I said. I didn't want to repeat it so just said forget it
He charged me for those drinks. After that I didn't want to let him know that it bothered me. I ordered a drink from him again, this time only for myself. He gave me the drink and didn't want to take money for it. He said "It is on me". I wanted to say "take me out and pay for it."

I hope my story wasn't that bad. Thank you all for reading. Thank you for answering!!!!

Answer 1

OK. I'm going to break down and analyse your story (above) so please be patient.

I'm assuming from your story your female and the bartender is male. Please say this and other important info in future questions.

"Three weeks ago, Friday, I met this bartender."
Did you meet him, or did he just serve you? How long, and in what capacity, did you communicate? was it only body language and ordering/serving, or more?

"I was at a bar with my girl-friend and we noticed that he was looking at me (checking me out)."
Did he 'check you out', or was he looking your direction, and you assumed he was looking at you?

"So I flirted with him a little, but it ended there."
How obvious, and for how long did you signal him? Did you see him reply? was it positive, neutral or negative?
This goes to his first impressions, because if he gave you a signal back and you didn't reciprocate, it's interpreted as your rejecting him.

"I went there after that and I couldn't even buy a drink from him, and the first night he even gave me a free one."
Flirting and offering free drinks is a bar tendering tactic used to instigate more sales over all, like a gift to an invester. It could mean you were used for sales, or it could mean he liked or likes you.

"I would like to get to know this guy, but I do not know why he is avoiding me now. "
He's not avoiding you, he's doing his job, which means catering to the whales (big spenders), and serving the fish. Meet him outside his place of moneymaking to meet the real person.

"Should I say something to him first or just wait for him to come to me, and if he doesn't than to look for someone else?"
I would suggest giving him your number, next time you see him at his work. No chit chat, just put a small piece of paper in his hand when you go to pay for a round of drinks, and say in your own words something like "call me sometime, k gorgeous?"

"Could it be that someone said something bad about me?? The waitress was looking at me in a weird way the first night. Maybe she likes him and said something??? I do not know. I am confused!!! "
It's possible, but it's also possible that you'll die at the end of reading this sentence. Go live life the way you want. Dont get frustrated, worried, anxious, etc about possible futures, and dont feel guilt, regret, unforgiveness, etc for the past. LIVE RIGHT NOW!

"NEED ADVICE"
follow your heart, live your dreams, take risks. The moment of now waits for no person. As Gandhi said "Be the Person you wish to see in the world."

Blessed Be

Answer 2

Honey, I don't want to burst your bubble, but take it from an ex-barmaid, the bartender does a H*ll of a job, keeping the place jumping selling drinks and flirting, and the ones I've known have been married or with someone. It's a game with most of these guys. Don't get me wrong, I've double-teamed with bartenders to help us each get good tips. It's fun, it's a blast, and it's a real ego-trip. The flirting is wild and fun. But we watch each others backs. There are those that take it seriously, and can be real bad@sses.

Check in with the barmaids or waitresses. If they don't have a thing for the bartender, they will be straight with you. Especially if he's already taken. Last thing anybody wants is trouble. Just remember these guys are usually night-owls (the younger ones, anyway), you won't see'm much in the daylight hours. Some of them do have day jobs and others go to school.

Go ahead, chat him up, but be wary, these guys generally have another agenda (and I don't mean that in a bad way).

Answer 3

Avoid bartenders and band members. You're only going to set yourself up for a world of hurt. If you must, get to know one of the waitresses so you at least have a chance of finding out if he's worth anything. Go when it's busy and avoid letting him see you so you can see how he acts and interacts with other women. But I still say it's not a good idea to get involved with someone that works in a bar environment. Too much temptation. $0.02

Answer 4

A duck walks right into a bar & asks the bartender if he has any grapes. the bartender says "No" & the duck leaves. the subsequent day the duck walks into an same bar and asks the bartender if he has any grapes. The bartender replies, "No!!!!" The third day the bartendeer walks into the bar and asks the bartender, "Do you've any grapes?" The bartender replies, "i did not have any grapes the former day, i have not any grapes at present, and that i gained"t have any grapes the following day! in case you come back in the following day & inquire from me an same question, i will nail your ft to the bar!" The duck walks into the bar the subsequent day & asks, "Do you've any nails?" The bartender says "No" The duck asks "Do you've any grapes?" i love that comic tale!!!