Stepdaughter caused too much conflict between me and her dad. He wont send her back to her mom. Should I leave

Question

She causes nothing but conflict since she moved in with us. She gets into everything, lied a lot and very sneaky. Her father told me he will send her back to her mom after he founds out what she's been doing against me. But now he doesn't seems to care because she lets him hear what he wants to hear and let him see what he wants to see, totally different from what I hear and what I saw. I found out they've been talking and doing things behind my back.They talk and agree on some decisions without even telling me whats going on. He believe her more than he believes me when I have done all I could for him and his kids to be where they at now. I don't think my husband is seeing the picture that she wants us to break up. We don't have a child together and I do love and care about my husband but I'm to the point that I'm about to give up and just leave because I can't have a decent conversation with him anymore. When it comes to her daughter, he could blew me right off that quick.

Answer 1

Wow how old is this girl that shes capable of driving an "adult" insane?

First off .. 1. she is his daughter so you'll never come first atleast not in a "its her or me situation" thats his flesh and blood.. and if you have any children yourself u should understand that if not , u will some day.

2nd. Your husband is making 1 mistake.. and thats letting his daughter control and manipulate.. You as his wife should come first on daily things unless its life or death .. then of course he should put his child first..

Theres no united front.. she see's you as someone thats taking her daddy's attention away from her, and the angrier you get and the more adament u are about getting rid of her, the worse your digging yourself in your own hole.. try to imagine your own father or mother trying to get rid of you how would that make you feel, what would ur mom of said to your dad if he tried that , if shes worth anything she'd say kiss my azz thats my daughter ..

You love your husband but he's starting to see you as a wedge, your anger and your insistance on getting rid of his daughter is only making you seem like the bad guy and her like the little princess..

1 of 2 things, show your husband your not this horrible monster that he's starting to invision you as trying to get rid of his daughter and even if your pretending try with all your heart to reach out to this girl.. if nothing else to look good in your husbands eyes.. and most kids if u dont give up, they come around.. but if u show a glimmer of defeat, they will pound the life right out of you till you vanish..

2 get family counseling..

But if you really love your husband, really love him, you have to love all of him and that means that little girl too even if shes being a pain in the rear.. you have to try to view it from her vantage point.. she misses her dad, she's trying to be loyal to her mother by not letting u get to close to her, she see's you as an outsider and in her imature mind with out u in the picture maybe mommy and daddy will reunite..

I have 2 step children, i understand how frusterating it can be at times.. but i had an excellent role model, my own step mother, a woman i couldnt stand when i was younger, thought she was evil..and now i love her as if she was my own mother.. she stuck it out, never waivered, and always went above and beyond the call of duty as a step mom.. today shes my best friend, and even if i could wave a magic wand and go back in time and keep my biological parents together i wouldnt, because my father is happier with my step mother, and my life would never be what it was with out her.

Stay your course.. put up with the BS.. realize this is a little girl that is just confused and just wants her life to be what it once was.. she does need you, even if it doesnt seem like it now.. its tuff being a step mom, but u knew going into this he had a child, if you werent in it for the long haul you shouldnt of ever entered it.. but i do think if u really love your husband, u can get through this.. and she will come around if you just try alittle harder to be more understanding, and less judgemental.. to both her and your husband.. but he needs to also stand by u as well.. so if you cant get it together urselves.. get family counseling before you just give up..

Good luck.. from one step mom to another, your not alone..

Answer 2

Children are a very delicate part of everyone’s life. It seems that when they are around we take them for granted and ignore the precious and valuable times one could share. No marriage or relationship is perfect. We all have our doubts, concerns, and dreams for the future. It may be that the partner we choose is not the right one so it’s easy enough to say we divorce. People are all very selfish thinking about one self. The people that get hurt the most from divorces are children. The way it effects there life, there is no prediction! Years ago, our grandparents days divorce where more seldom as people did not want to hurt the children and sacrificed their own happiness to be with someone they do not love. GREAT mistake because the children grow, leave the house and you have lost important years being unhappy and living under a dark cloud. Your man is lucky to have found you and for him to be with you he loves you. At times like this parents feel angry for not doing more for their children and try in some way or another to make up and offer quality time. Don't fight it. Show some interest, smile and offer to do something for them. If you really can't stand being around, go out, ~BUT NOT angry and face down. Show some enthusiasm bring some positive energy in the house and I am sure things will brighten up for you too. Look at it from the child’s side, loosing their father to another woman and sometimes they feel threatened and not loved. They need love and affection more than ever. Remember they will not always be around, they will grow up and it’s you and your partner that will live together. Be patient, give your partner love, and make him surprises. Try it, you have nothing to lose.

Answer 3

I think first you have to establish the logic behind moving in with your Mom. Most men think "logically" and will understand such. This decision involves more than just you. It will involve school. Transportation to and from school. Is it even the same school district? The rest of the family is involved too. Does this or how will this affect siblings, grand parents, and both parents? Does Mom even want you to live with her? Try to make a list of pro's and con's. How would it be beneficial not only to yourself but to others to change the current situation. Present your best argument and show that you have thought about not just yourself but others and the impact that it may and/or could have. Maybe even offer it as a trail basis? Start off with extended weekends? Or every other week? In the end it's a decision that is at the very least left up to your parents. It may not even be up to them. It might be something the court has to decide.

Answer 4

The source of the conflict is your husband's breakup, not your stepdaughter's attitude. Separations do that to kids.

You are the new adult in the family, and to leave because of conflict demonstrates a pattern in your stepdaughter's eyes. Remember, conflict is why mom and dad split up the first time.

If you care at all for the girl, stick it through. It will get rocky, but she can't afford to see every adult female in her life give up over a conflict. Of course you can't replace her mom, but you can build a relationship that includes you being an authority figure. Talk to your husband about it, and work together!

Answer 5

That is a hard situation. I think the bottom line is this..Do you really love your husband? If so, what does that mean to you? She is a child. Being the adult is sometimes rough but you can do it in the name of love. For better or for worse? I don't Deny your in a rough situation but I think after close review of matters that caused you to marry in the first place you'll see he is worth you finding a different way in which to deal with his daughter. I know it appears as though she is demon child but the truth is she is a child. Try to be her friend, it sounds as if she needs one. Can you imagine being a kid and thinking you where gonna loose your father? I think you can develop a relationship with her that you both can come to value. Kids are a trip but adults are easy to give up on them. She'll change but you have to too~

Answer 6

Tell him that you would like to go to marriage counseling with him. Then set up an appointment. Then at this arranged meeting bring up all the things you are mentioning here. He should not be making decisions that affect you, with his daughter. He should be making decisions with you. If this session with marriage counselor does not work, get all the information together, get an attorney and give him all the information - financial information, and file for divorce, because he is not willing to see what his daughter is doing.

Answer 7

Try not to get in the way between a father and his child. He will always pick the child . He will do it because of the guilt of not being able to stay together with the mom

Answer 8

maybe your stepdaughter thinks you are trying to come between her and her dad ,try talking to her and explain to he that no matter what her dad will always love her. have your husband talk to her mom and have her tell him how things were with her before she came to your home. or maybe she is just a spoiled manipulative brat. it is a really tough spot to be in, you should have your husband explain to her that this is your home and that deserve respect.stand your ground don't let her disrespect you let her know that you are their for the long haul and she can't run you out of your home.i hope things work out for you.

Answer 9

if u let someone cause conflict, maybe you dont like the other as much as you think, maybe u just suck at relationships and look towards ahving a lonely life.

Answer 10

pretend that your step daughter doesnt exist. your husband thinks that you're jealous and unreasonably so because it's his daughter. so, just ignore the girl's misdemeanors and be nice to her.