my kids are beating one another!! Help?

Question

I have a two and three year old, both boys, and they always want to fight. They hit eachother ,kick eachother, bite eachother, pinch eachother, anything they can to hurt eachother. How do I get them to stop?? Real answers please none of that smart *** stuuff.

Answer 1

You have to find what motivates them. If they like TV, no TV because they hit/pinched, etc. If they like playing outside, no playing outside because they hit/pinched, etc. Make sure you don't hit or pinch them back-it doesn't work and it's cruel. Say loudly: OUCH that HURTS and then explain why they shouldn't do it. Are they watching violent movies or anything? Where did they pick the behavior up...playground, play group...cousins? Try to figure out the source and get rid of it. Are they eating a lot of sugar? If so, try to decrease the intake. Hope these are helpful.

Answer 2

Truthfully speaking, I had a similar problem but my kids are older. Your gonna have to start from scratch. Create some love between them and lay down some rules. Also, there must be some consequences. I don't believe it was nipped in the butt in the beginning. Now you'll just have to do a lot of explaining and timeouts. Be an example to them also. They are fighting for a reason, your mission is to find out why! Don't do the cookie cutter mom thing. By this I mean, these boys are two very different children. Don't treat them the same. What makes one tick doesn't necessarily make the other tick. Look them is the eye and say," no fighting."
Don't allow it and stand firm. Teach them how to play together by playing with them. Be a good sport. Teach them how to love, mommy!
You can do it! You have acknowledged there is a problem and in the words of GIJoe,"knowing is half the battle".
Try going to the Website, Focusonthefamily.org.

Answer 3

Well, first of all try redirecting them both when they start fighting...have one go into one area of the room and play with legos and the other go into a different area and color or something. Also try and focus most of your attention on the positive things they do together, like if they are coloring nicely together make a BIG DEAL out of it! If they start fighting, don't yell at them, just seperate them. They will get the picture eventually.....be strong and consistent! That is the important thing! I know this is easier said than done, I am a mom also!! But just focus on the good and not the bad and they will do the same. And remember these things take time! Good luck!! Also I apologize for the NOT serious answers above and probably below!!

Answer 4

MAKE THEM " TIME OUT" AND STICK TO IT!! Get serious with this because they are when they are at each other. They can learn to respect each other and love each other as brothers and not like animals. No disrespect meant.. If kids can dance to a tune they like and learn different tv programs, cartoons, know the difference between "yes and no" than they can learn early to love and respect each other and others in a proper way. Now is the time while they are so young to set good examples and have them learn from them. I know it's hard sometimes but always stay a step ahead of them and teach respect now, they'll be thankful later down the road. You are the parent. . Remember that, in a good way..

Answer 5

How much tv do they watch? innocent cartoons are packed full of violence. Be firm and let them know that you find that unacceptable and the next time they do it there will be consequences, and follow through. Do you fight with someone else when they're around? not a good example, if not, find out if they have seen that kind of attitude from someone else.

You might start by telling the three year old that violence against his kid brother is a no no. Find out if something is bothering him, maybe he takes it out on your youngest child. Maybe he wants more attention from you and with his brother around, maybe he is'nt getting as much as he wants. Tell him that you are very disappointed by what he has done and send him off to some quiet time (five minutes) in a place where he has absolutely no distractions. Five minutes seem like hours to a kid. If he moves, just put him right back until time's up. Let him know that you will not allow that to continue. Remind him his brother is a human being, your child and his brother. Mommy does not like her kids to fight each other, and just like you won't let anyone else harm you, she will not let you two harm each other. Dad must also participate and agree with you. Try to get your older child to tell you what he feels when he is hit or pinched. Remind him that his brother feels exactly the same thing. You are a family and you have to get along together. If you work on the eldest child first, to curb this behavior, the youngest will follow. Set up a punishment and reward system that does not include food or toys, but quality time, read to them, take them to the park, anything that you can comply with and spend time with them at the same time. Hug and kiss your kids often tell them you love them no matter what, kids are terrified of losing your love, let them know that will never change. Even if they fight, be fair and just, don´t be partial to one child and not to the other because that will only tend to worsen things. Now if the youngest kid is bothering the eldest, center on the youngest and let him know, that is a no no, you just do not do that. End of discussion, or (no tv, or whatever it is he really likes) for one hour. Kids have to understand that unacceptable behavior has consequences, and you have to follow through. Find something both kids can do together, or have to do together so they start learning that working together is better than against.

I really hope this helps, don't despair, just be patient, and it takes time, don´t falter, show weakness or try to blackmail your kids with tears, that does not work. Keep at it and eventually they will come around. Remember you are the parent, you are in control, you set the ground rules.

Try parenting sites or maybe your community has one. Parents tend to gather together and talk about their problems and how to solve them, or start a group yourself, get a child psychologist to give you some pointers. Also keep them away from soft drinks, anything with too much sugar, preservatives and artificial sweeteners, favor fresh fruits and vegetables, less fried and oily stuff and junk food, more plain water, milk and fruit juices (made from real fruit) whole grain bread. The less processed stuff they eat the less excess calories and potentially stimulating substances will be running rife in their systems. No iced tea please either. Keep their meals regular, as well as naptimes, play time, bathtime and beddy bye time. Read a bedtime story every night, that will sort of set the routine for them to start shutting their engines down. Get stories that teach values and remember you are also an example so practice what you preach. Get them started early on reading, the more the read, the less they'll fight. Libraries have good sections for kids to start them off reading young. There are plenty of books that you can read and teach something from at the same time, like respecting others.

Well, hope it helps. The Best of Luck.

Good Luck

Answer 6

Introduce a reward system. Use a backboard. Divide the blackboard into two sections Plus Points and Minus Points. Place each child's names at the top,so that you can read A's plus or minus points, and B's plus and minus points.
They have to EARN Good points by playing together, picking up toys, etc. They are given minus points for each hit, punch, fight, etc. For not picking up their toys etc.
You can make the rules, either it's added by the end of the day to see who got the most plus points, or you can do it weekly. Who ever gets the most plus points, gets a small reward (to be decided on by YOU!)
I introduced a similar system and it worked really well, and the kids began to take a real interest in it, and really started trying to earn good points!!
Hope it works well for you, and that you get some peace and harmony in your place!!

Answer 7

Sounds like my house...I have a seven year old, a three year old, and a two year old....all boys. They fight a lot. I separate them into different rooms for time out, I take away any toys that they fight over so none of them can play with them, and I take privileges away. I praise them when they DON'T fight and make a big deal out of getting along.

Answer 8

Maybe try to find out what they're fighting about and see if you can suggest a compromise of some sort. Some fighting is healthy with kids but if it never stops then they should learn other ways of solving their differences.

Answer 9

At that age, you really can't reason; yelling doesn't do any good....you must separate them AND ignore them until they are contrite......It'll make for a long long day....but worth it.....each and every time they even begin to LOOK aggressive w/ each other....nip it in the bud....calmly but consistently and maybe being deprived of your attention will have a positive reaction...

Maybe if you deprive them of each other's company as well, that will change their behavior.

Or watch a couple of Nanny reruns...or Dr. Phil maybe. Good luck

Answer 10

Being that age makes it hard to talk to them both about it. I suggest that everytime it happens, you put the aggressor in time out. After a appropriate period of time remind them they are brothers, make them hug each other and apologise. As they get older, make the aggressor do a good deed for the other brother as compensation.