Brother in-law?

Question

Here's the story. I'm married to a man with a twin brother. My husband was horribly into drugs. We have managed to get him help... and he's been clean for almost 2 years. His brother on the other hand... is not clean. He's in and out of prison. In April he was arrested out of my husband's truck... guns pulled, on the news and everything. We have a son who's almost 2 years old. I feel that his brother is not a safe, nor stable person to have my son around, or me for that matter. I've told my husband that crap that he's tried to pull with me. He tries to get my husband to do drugs... drink... lie... and it goes on. How do I make my husband see that??

Answer 1

Divorce

blood is thick
love is deep
jail is no fun
loosing a child to the state, I can only imagine.......................

Answer 2

Your husband is in a hard spot. He is being asked to choose between the brother that he has bonded with since before birth, and the family he has in his adult life. He has love for both. It would be unfair to ask him to choose. maybe try explaining to him in a calm rational way that you are afraid of the environment that will develop if this problem isnt dealt with effectively. If you threaten to leave him if he chooses his twin, you might force him into a position that neither you nor he wants.
Your husband has to be strong enough to tell his brother that he has moved on from that lifestyle and that he wants to be clean and sober for his son. He needs to know that his every action will be reflected in his son. He is the most important male role model that your son has. Ask him if he wants the child to see him struggling with his old lifestyle or being a strong proud man that knows he can face life without the crutches. If he wants the best for his son, hopefully he will see that until his brother can leave the old life behind, he has to put some distance between brother and self.
he can tell his brother that he will always love him, but he just cant let him drag him back down into that black hole.

Answer 3

Man, that's a dilemma. Twins can be so tight. It would be a huge sacrifice for your husband to cut off his brother. On the other hand, it would be a serious blow to his brother as well...maybe you can get your husband to use this as a tool to encourage his brother to get clean? As in "I've got a family, bro. Clean up or you can't come around." If the brother were to shape up that would probably solve everything, and I'm guessing that your husband knows it. Tough love, you know?

Answer 4

First of all, I would try to think of this from his point-of-view, for a minute. Yes, you are his wife and mother of his child, but this is his twin brother that you are talking about here. Of course, he wants to try and save, even change his brother, who wouldn't. I don't think that it is fair for you to tell him, that you want him to stop all contact with him. Especially, since he too, is a recovering addict, so he knows exactly what his brother is going through. He knows the temptation, he knows the danger but they are brothers, brothers have a bond. However, you are right in worrying for your, and your child's safety. What I would suggest is that you ask your husband to keep him away from your home that he go to him, when they need to see each other, at least until he gets himself into a treatment program. That may even be an incentive for him to get the treatment. You can't protect your husband from going back to drugs, drinking, or lying, so if he is going to put himself in temptation's way, then he will have to deal with the consequences of it. You will just need to let go and let God in that department. Best of luck to all of you!

Answer 5

Your husband is a grown adult, and you shouldn't have to "make him" do anything. Tell him to treat you and your son like he should and start respecting your marriage. Thats about all you can do. It a 50/50 deal. You cannot run behind him trying to make him stay out of trouble. If you cant trust that he will do the right thing on his own, then maybe you should try a different approach. If it were me, I would get tired of being a "mother" to my husband and I would leave him to grow up. Thats just my opinion, though.

Answer 6

Hi again!!! Your husband will only see what he wants to see, when he wants to see it. Just do everything in your power to keep your son away from him (brother-in-law)!! Even if you have to be the BI*CH!!! I'd rather be a BI*CH than to have my child around a man like that!!! Just tell your hubby how you feel and as long as you made the effort, the rest is up to him. Again, good luck!

Answer 7

It should be ur choice whether u want 2 keep dealing with the same situation. If ur husband loves u and ur son then he should make some sacrifice for his family. U should sit him down and let him know and if he still doesn't understand then give him an ultimatum.

Answer 8

Dont worry...he sees it.

Two things, He knows his brother is a bad influence...but is too much of a coward to confront him.

Or..your husband thinks the lifestyle your brother lives is really cool.

They are both dangerous to be around.

Answer 9

Set up a veido cam.,you can rent one if you don't own one.When he see's & hear's it ,then he'll know.Or I could name 10 other way's,the next best thing,pack up and get away from this 'druggie'and trouble maker.Hope this might help.Good Luck

Answer 10

Tell him to keep his brother away or you walk out the door.

Answer 11

make him catch his brother messing with you or your son and i feel ilke he will show his bor what is right and what is not.

so what i meen set the brother up.

hope i was a help