Always being asked for favours?

Question

People keep asking me for rediculous favours and I keep saying yes even though most of the time these favours are very inconvenient for me. I feel bad sometimes for saying no to people, why is that? Does this make me selfless or weak? And what is a way that I can avoid similar situations in the future, because I don't want to be a pushover all my life.

Answer 1

This is a problem for me too. I had a good counselor who helped me work on this. Being SELF-ish is not selfish. I still relapse, when my depression is bad. And yes, you are weak, not because anything is wrong with you, but because you are not used to asserting yourself, like a muscle is weak from not being used. You need to work on setting healthy boundaries to your relationships. Spend time thinking about each person and common situations, and decide what is reasonable. You might be willing to give a person a ride home from work, because you work in the same office, but not drive them around for an hour in order to do their errands. You will need to practice by yourself before the situation occurs, and if you do still give in, it only means you aren't ready.

Tell yourself that if these things are important enough to these people, they will figure out how to do it without you. Apply the "Golden Rule" to the situation, would you want to inconvenience someone as much as these favors are inconveniencing you?

Be prepared to lose those "friends" who count on you so much for everything. Some of them may only be there for a hand-out.

This may HURT. I lost a 7 year BF by insisting he needed to chip in for groceries. He agreed, after a tantrum, and screwed up. I kicked him out, he BEGGED to come back, and screwed up again.
Before I could confront him, I had to be prepared for the possible consequences. He threatened suicide a lot when he was miserable because he had no money. It took a LOT of thinking before I convinced myself that I was not responsible for his moods and his decisions. We kept an acquaintance and a few years later, he said he would love a Starbucks latte, but needed the money for the rent. I was so PROUD, I had done him a favor by letting him grow up and be responsible.

There may be some people you simply need to remove from your life. I moved 2,000 miles to be away from my one sister. She STILL manipulates family members, who then would put pressure on me to do her bidding. She was outrageous, expecting me to buy beer for her, then threatening my son that I would go to jail for child neglect, after I refused to buy her beer.

WRITE DOWN the things you need to do for yourself, such as study, cook dinner, shop, etc. Then you will be able to look at your calendar and say honesty, no I am TOO BUSY. As someone else said, prioritize your life.

You may feel bad, because you were told how selfish you are, and no one likes a brat. Little girls are supposed to be helpful, and accommodating, and not pushy.

I hope that your situation is not as extreme as mine, but it sounds like you are agreeing to things that are not good for you, so there must be a reason you do this. Do not feel weak for this, give yourself a pat on the back for becoming aware of this habit. This is the first step in changing it. You are trying to overcome a longstanding habit, it will take time, and you will sometimes fall back into your old pattern.

Just remember, the only person you are responsible for is yourself (and your minor children, if you have any). The best thing you can do for the friends and family, and eventually your children, is to help them be responsible for themselves.

There is nothing wrong with YOU, because you are able to recognize this as a problem. Surround yourself with people who bring joy into your life, and activities you feel good about devoting your time to. Your life and time are precious, not something to be wasted by trivial tasks for unappreciative people.

Answer 2

Oh my greatness, I was just like you. When I was in Grade 8, I was a real pushover and then people used it to their advantage, then when I got to Grade 9 last year, I said, "You know what, stuff this. I'm not gonna be a favour person for everyone." I also found it hard to say no, but then I started saying to myself that I'm not gonna be a pushover. And instead of saying no, I made excuses rather. Just try not to feel bad about what has happened in the past. I know this may sound weird, but talk to yourself...make as though you're talking to someone who keeps asking for favours and repeat the favours they asked for, then say no to them! No, it just shows that you care for people. Just say, "oh sorry, I won't be able to do it because I have something else to do." And also say," I couldn't care what they think because I said no. They can do it themselves." I really hope this helped!

Answer 3

A lot of times I feel the same way I dont wanna be rude and I want people to know Im there for them too but it can get overwhelming.

What you can say is no of course but even that can be hard. I found it that if you just say politely that you loved to help but you have a lot on your plate, or its kind of out of your way so youd rather not. You can also try finding someone else to help instead.

It doesnt make you weak, you just wanna help but it can be annoying so dont inconvenience yourself and just be honest with the person.
Best of Luck.

Answer 4

I hope you are not doing favors for people so they will like you, because they will not. If anything they will lose respect for you because you are a pushover. Just resolve with yourself that you will not do favors for anyone unless it is something you really want to do. A lot of things that people ask they can do themselves but why should they when you are available. If you have a difficult time saying no practice what you will say so your answer will come naturally.

Answer 5

Do you place any value on your time?

Favors are a fact of life. We do them for friends and family because this is part of getting along. In return, others do similar favors for us.

However, it is important to have some value for your time. If you are not going in that direction, have other appointments or just don't have the energy, then it is ok to say "not now." A good general way to deal with it is to say "I'd love to help, but I have other business to take care of. I'll get back to you if I get some time freed up." You do not have to reveal your business, either. That's your affair, not theirs (even if it's Mom asking!).

In fact, the more you say that, the more that trivial time taking favors will no longer be asked of you. You will still be able to do things for people and have things done in return. The difference will be that people will begin to show respect the value of your time.

Answer 6

Blimey, nicely i'd sit down with him and calmly communicate about the way it makes you sense, and that for the period of marriage even besides the undeniable fact that it really is about provide and take, you should do gestures on your different 1/2 because you want them no longer because you desire a sexual favour. As for him insisting on having sex, it is your body and no you'll be able to inform you what to do. If he intimidates you into sexual sex and does no longer replace when you've spoken to him then i'd say walk away; yet he's your husband and marriage isn't that user-friendly, so advise training counciling. If he thinks it really is a stupid concept (which he would) then that is as a lot as you, yet his behaviour isn't perfect, and also you're able to opt for in case you somewhat opt to be with him. strong success x

Answer 7

People always ask me too some favors or money..I don't know..But after some time I got sick of all these and started saying NO to all..This doesn't make you at all a weak person...You are weak if you are convinced again by them to say YES...

Answer 8

Read and study "The Seven Habits of Highly Successful People"
It is important in life to be able to sort by priority and know what is a thing you should say yes to and why and what you should say no to and why so that you don't feel guilty.

Answer 9

just politly confrunt the people that keep asking you favors and let theem knnow that you are streched to thin and that you would appreciate it if they stopped asking you for favors so much and i dont think your sellfish your just streached to far

Answer 10

can I borrow your car? lol!
just kidding, I think it makes you a nice person, not a push over. we all do things we hate to do, and feel pressured into doing it.. but one day you might need someone to help you out.