I have a great boyfriend, and i love having sex with him, when we have it. problem is, it is difficult to get in the mood. I love him and love being with him, but find it difficult to relax enough to just let loose. I have always been this way, with every partner I've had. Alcohol helps, but don't want to turn that into a needed part of foreplay. I always get remarks that I am frigid, or weird because I don't want it enough. i was also sexually abused as a child. Any suggestions?
2006-06-29 16:05:45 · 12 answers · asked by perplexed 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Counseling and sex therapy
2006-06-29 16:08:34 · answer #1 · answered by fun_guy_otown 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
being sexually abused as a child would put anybody "out of the mood" as you put it. I have the same problems (though i wasn't abused) and have found that it's ok not to feel comfortable, and you shouldn't feel like you shouldn't. For us, it just takes a little longer for us to feel completely comfortable in a life situation. Just find what makes you the most comfortable, try everything, candles, a nice bubble bath, anything goes. Tell your bf about what's going on, so that he'll understand and help you. and if you need to talk to someone, then do! Spend some more quality time with you boyfriend, so that it's easier to relax around him. but most of all, know that your boyfriend wouldn't take advantage of you, and truly cares about you too!
2006-06-29 23:16:01 · answer #2 · answered by gonepanda 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
For starters, I am sorry about your childhood! That is really hard to live with! I know it can be VERY hard to get in the mood. What I do is even though I am not in the mood I still start with a little foreplay. I find that sometimes in 2 minutes and sometimes in 20 minutes I am fired up and ready to go! I can start off not wanting to touch or be touched but by the end I am thankul I went on with it. I have 2 kids and I babysit for a living....it is HARD work! By the end of the day I am BEAT!!!! The last thing on my mind is sex!! But I push that aside and I don't regret it in the end!! I don't know if I helped at all but I hope so! You can also try different things, spice it up a bit.....get games, paints, lotions, etc......do something different!!! Good luck!!
2006-06-29 23:13:08 · answer #3 · answered by MNM0103 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
because you were sexually abused as a child, that is why you find it so difficult to have sex now, something about the act reminds you about what happened to you as a child.
If you haven't already, I suggest you talk to someone that deals with these problems, and under go counseling to help you deal with it, you may be having post traumatic stress syndrome.
It is by no means your fault, that you find it hard to want sex, so don't blame yourself, you did nothing wrong!!!!!
2006-06-29 23:11:45 · answer #4 · answered by dahorndogd013 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
look girl, you're not alone
a lot of girls experience this. talk to your boyfriend. try something else first, like a dinner or a walk on the beach, just something the two of you can enjoy. tell your boyfriend you'd just like to relax.
trust me, after you've unwinded through some other way other than alcohol, you'll be much energized and enjoy it better. sex is not all about parties and booze, it's also about intimacy and love.
also, you can get moody and remember, you're entitled to say no, when you're not in the mood. unlike dogs like us, who can get turned on 99% of the time by just seeing porn.
2006-06-29 23:12:13 · answer #5 · answered by spec1227 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
when ur sexually abused its hard to let go..but maybe u should try new things..like watchin porn with him, its not gross or anything sometimes it makes girls horny ..now start with a porno that u pick out, bc men pick some hard core porns n that is not enjoyable for us ladies..try different stuff like using toys..like feather dusters or hot oils, a lil candle wax on him, let him try some toe sucking, u have to try things u have to try not to let the person who abused u win. so next time u r with ur man surprise him with some of the ideas i have givin u..make sure u let him know after ur done that u are tryin some new things that u want to be the one to come up with the ideas for now, that way u can have the control for once, take it slow n find things u will like.
2006-06-29 23:12:32 · answer #6 · answered by devil_queen_biatch14 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sorry to say this, but yes, you need to see a therapist. You're abuse as a child has caused you to have issues with sex. The best way to help yourself is to get professional help.
2006-06-29 23:09:08 · answer #7 · answered by tinydancer42001 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is just a comfort level...who ever you are with , does not make you feel comfortable and secure..
2006-06-29 23:10:05 · answer #8 · answered by jay 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Speak to your boyfriend. How you feel so he could understand your problem.
2006-06-29 23:09:21 · answer #9 · answered by Leonardo 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Have your guy give you a massage, and don't be afraid to let it get intimate.
2006-06-29 23:09:44 · answer #10 · answered by insanitymanitee 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋