So I've been seeing this girl for 4 months and she hangs out a lot with her ex boyfriend because she promised him when she left him she "would always be there for him." The problem is, when she finishes hanging out with him she usually argues with me about nothing, or she'll push me away. Last week it came to a head because she saw him 3 times and we ended up in 3 arguments. One time before he was drunk so she let him come over and sleep in her bed (although on his side) rather than drive home. He kind of knows she has a new bf but isn't certain. I gave her two choices, to either tell him about us or to choose me or him. She says she can't decide. There are a lot of details I'm leaving out like he's 34 on disability and she's only 20. I'm 25 but I have a stable job and am well liked by other people. Can I get some advice as to whether I'm being reasonable here or am I going way over the top?I know it was my mistake for letting things go on for awhile
2006-06-29 13:53:21 · 20 answers · asked by Slick Rick 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
I think you need to make the decision in this situation. She isn't going to decide... obviously. Tell her that as long as she's seeing her ex, that you're going to be seeing other people too... and do it! She's going to run all over you if you don't do anything about it. If you show that you're not afraid to move on, maybe she'll rethink the situation and dump her ex for good. Good luck!
2006-06-29 13:58:51 · answer #1 · answered by Landslide 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
OK, here is the situation.
The 20 year old is being a MOTHER for the 34 year old (THE CHILD). You, the ADULT want to have a relationship with the MOTHER, but she is not ready to give-up her "child," especially due to the fact that he has a disability. Your stable job has nothing to do with this (logic). She is working on emotion only.
So let's KEEP your logical mind, before you loose it chasing after the 20 year old and drop her, find someone else!
Join a club, join a gym, join an association. You will find a lot of women who are looking for a guy like you. You do NOT need the hassle of chasing after someone who is going to put the other guy first, and you second.
Say - NEXT!!
2006-06-29 14:00:03 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, it would be one thing if she was just "there" for him and then didn't have any problems when you guys were together! But you're saying you guys get in arguments after she's been around him. I wonder what the arguments are about or why she's in such a snippy mood after she sees him. He might be taking a toll on her emotionally. She might have said she'd be there for him forever, but is starting to re-think that. She sounds like a person who would bend over backwards for you, but kicks herself for being so nice.
Either way, she can't continue to be grumpy around you for whatever reason. You have to find out what it is that's REALLY bothering her. There's something behind that attitude you are seeing. I don't blame you for giving her an ultimatum but rarely do you get what you want out of those. The real issue here is communicating with her. If she IS being too nice as I said, help her learn to set limits with him (i.e- she spends one set day a week with him).
Good luck to you.
Additional-- the person who said she's being his "mother" of sorts may be right on. Doesn't mean you have to dump her. Set limits.
2006-06-29 14:02:16 · answer #3 · answered by blueskies7890 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You're 25 and she's 20? That isn't a very big age difference in years, but people mature A LOT over that time period. You are on completely different wavelengths. She needs to ditch the "ex" boyfriend if she doesn't want to lose you; it is not fair for you to be treated this way.
2006-06-29 13:56:58 · answer #4 · answered by Call me AL 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hon you deserve better than her, 4 months is a "little mistake" imagine if you married her!!
She's still with her ex and she's playing with you...probably because you can give her things that someone on disability can't afford to. Drop her like a hot potato and find someone worthy of your time, attention and love.
2006-06-29 13:57:17 · answer #5 · answered by Jennifer B 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you sound like a great guy.
You let it go on but you were also gathering information that helps you make a good decision. You are being more than reasonable and lots of women will appreciate your kindness and understanding.
Trust your instincts because they are better than our advice. Maybe, you should try to make HER jealous. It sounds like she is dating a looser compared to what she has with you.
2006-07-01 09:29:34 · answer #6 · answered by Texas Cowboy 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
O. My. Word.
She is letting her ex sleep in her bed and is constantly hanging out with him. Are you sure that they're exes?
Sounds like you need to let go. If she cares more about you, she'll drop his sorry a$$. If she doesn't care for you, she'll keep this guy around.
2006-06-29 13:57:45 · answer #7 · answered by eriayasha 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Let her go. She's gonna cause you nothing but more grief...why put yourself through that? Get back into enjoying life, and before long you'll cross paths with someone more suitable.
2006-06-29 13:56:08 · answer #8 · answered by . 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
maybe she's just not the right one and she still like her ex. if she can't chose who she likes that shows she is not very positive about ur relationship. break up with her and find someone ur type who has time for u and likes u for who u are
2006-06-29 13:57:37 · answer #9 · answered by Lisa 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are not crazy at all. She probably yells because she feels guilty or because she is confused and really can't decide.
Good Luck!
2006-06-29 13:57:02 · answer #10 · answered by blondieinlove 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋