make me laugh?

Question

I want you to come up with something that will make me laugh the person with the best one gets 10 points!

Answer 1

poop, shut up and manners were walking down the street. suddenly poop fell down. shut up went to the hospital. the nurse there asked " what is your name?" he said "shut up" she said " where are your manners?" he said "he is outside picking up poop" hahahahahahaha

Answer 2

Harry and his wife are having hard financial times, so they decide that she'll become a hooker. She's not quite sure what to do, so Harry says, "Stand in front of that bar and pick up a guy. Tell him a hundred bucks. If you got a question, I'll be parked around the corner."

She's not there 5 minutes when a guy pulls up and asks, "How much?" She says, "A hundred dollars." He says, "All I got is thirty". She says, "Hold on," and runs back to Harry and asks, "What can he get for thirty?" "A hand job".

She runs back and tells the guy all the gets for thirty is a hand job. He agrees. She gets in the car. He unzips his pants, and out pops this HUGE penis. She stares at it for a minute, and then says, "I'll be right back." She runs back to Harry, and asks, "Can you loan this guy seventy bucks?"
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A mother is in the kitchen making dinner for her family when her daughter walks in.

“Mother, where do babies come from?”

The mother thinks for a few seconds and says, “Well dear, Mommy and Daddy fall in love and get married. One night they go into their bedroom, they kiss and hug and have sex.”

The daughter looks puzzled so the mother continues, “That means the daddy puts his penis in the mommy’s vagina. That’s how you get a baby, honey.” The child seems to comprehend.

“Oh, I see, but the other night when I came into your room you had daddy’s penis in your mouth. What do you get when you do that?”

“Jewelry, my dear. Jewelry.”


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A construction worker on the third floor of a building needs a handsaw. He sees one of the laborers on the first floor and yells down to him, but the man indicates that he can't hear. So, the guy on the third floor tries to use signs. He points to his eye, meaning, "I", then at his knee, meaning, "need", then he moves his hand back and forth, meaning, "handsaw".
The man on the first floor nods, then drops his pants and begins to masturbate.

The man on the third floor freaks out and runs down to the first floor yelling, "What the heck is wrong with you! Are you stupid or something? I was saying that I needed a handsaw!"

The laborer looks at the carpenter and says, "I knew that. I was just trying to tell you that I was coming."

Answer 3

Two aliens landed in the Arizona desert near a gas station
that was closed for the night.

They approached one of the gas pumps and the younger alien
addressed it saying, "Greetings, Earthling. We come in peace.
Take us to your leader."

The gas pump, of course, didn't respond. The younger alien
became angry at the lack of response and the older alien said,
"I'd calm down if I were you"

The younger alien ignored the warning and repeated his
greeting.

Again, there was no response. Annoyed by what he perceived
to be the pump's haughty attitude, he drew his ray gun and said
impatiently, "Greetings, Earthling. We come in peace. Do not
ignore us this way! Take us to your leader or I will fire!"

The older alien warned his comrade saying, "You don't want to
do that! I don't think you should make him mad."

"Rubbish," replied the cocky, young alien. He aimed his
weapon at the pump and opened fire.

There was a huge explosion. A massive fireball roared towards
them and blew the younger alien off his feet and deposited him
a burnt, crumpling mess about 200 yards away in a cactus patch.

About a half hour passed. When he finally regained
consciousness, he refocused his three eyes and straightened
his bent antenna and looked dazedly at the older, wiser alien
who was standing over him shaking his big green head.

"What a ferocious creature!" exclaimed the young, fried alien.
"He damn near killed me! How did you know he was so
dangerous?"

The older alien leaned over, placed a friendly feeler on his
crispy friend and replied, "If there's one thing I've learned
during my intergalactic travels, when a guy has a penis
he can wrap around himself and then stick it in his ear,
you REALLY don't want to mess with him!"

Answer 4

A young Ventriloquist is touring the clubs and one night he is doing a show in a very small town.

With his dummy on his knee, he starts going through his usual dumb blonde jokes when a blonde in the 4th row stands on her chair and starts shouting:

"I've heard enough of your stupid blonde jokes. What makes you think you can stereotype women that way? What does the colour of a person's hair have to do with her worth as a human being? It's guys like you who keep women like me from being respected at work and in the community and from reaching our full potential as a person, because you and your kind continue to perpetuate discrimination against not only blondes, but women in general, and all in the name of humour!"

The embarrassed ventriloquist begins to apologize, and the blonde yells,

"You stay out of this, mister! I'm talking to that little bastard on your knee."

Answer 5

Thought for the Day.
Did you know?
There is more money being spent on breast implants and Viagra
today than on Alzheimer's research. This means that by
2040, there should be a large elderly population with perky
boobs and huge erections and absolutely no recollection of what to do with them.

Answer 6

hey man thanks again for walking me through that maybe this joke will make you laugh

A blonde secretary in Pennsylvania decides she want to try
horseback riding, even though she has had no lessons or prior
experience. She mounts the horse, unassisted, and the horse immediately
springs into motion. It gallops along at a steady and rhythmic pace, but
the blonde begins to slip from the saddle.
In terror, she grabs for the horse's mane, but cannot seem to get a firm
grip. She tries to throw her arms around the horses neck, but she slides
down the side of the horse anyway. The horse gallops along, seemingly
impervious to its slipping rider. Finally, giving up her frail grip,
the blonde attempts to leap away from the horse and throw herself to
safety. Unfortunately, her foot has become entangled in the stirrup, she
is now at the mercy of the horse's rhythmic up and down motion as her head is struck
against the ground over and over.
As her head is battered against the ground, she is mere moments away
from unconsciousness when to her great fortune, Frank the Wal-Mart
Greeter sees her and unplugs the horse.

Answer 7

Why did the chicken cross the road?

Pat Buchanan answers this question: "To steal a job from a decent , hard-working American."

Dr. Seuss answers this question: "Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes, the chicken crossed the road, but why? It's not been told."

Grandpa answers this question: "In my day, we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Someone told us that the chicken had crossed the road, and that was good enough for us."

And Colonel Sanders answers this question: "I missed one?"

Answer 8

Oh,no stop! your so funny! haha haaha! that pink hat ur wearing right now is so hilarious! Oh, my goodness, I can't stop laughing! Bring in an oxygen tank i need to breathe! Hoho hoho Haaa haaa! Do you remember yesterday when u shaved ur beard? and the shaver accidentaly shaved all the way to ur nose? oh my, hahahaa u wer like screaming," My nose, my nose!" but thank God nothing bad happened... oooh how about the time u went to the beach and ur body got sun burned but ur face was left un burnt oh, my everyone was laughing everyone including you.... oooha ha ha ha ha .... ouch my tummy aches... cough cough cough...Oh, wat about the time you spoke with the gingerbread man and you told him how cute he was but then you gabbled him up and everyone could hear him speak in your tummy and he was like saying," get me out of here, I have the right to stay alive!I too hav constitutional rights!" oh, wait I think that wasn't funny... anyway it sure made us laugh... whaaaahaaaahaa... ha ha aha ha
well, Mister muffin man, that's all I could laugh about you.

Answer 9

what is long hard and full of seamen? a submarine. there are three guys in a plane its about to go down the three guys are the precedent the smartest guy in the world and the pilot. the pilot grabs a para shoot and pushes the 2 out of the way and say good luck the precedent say to the smartest guy in the world there is only one left so take this one and go your the smartest guy in the world they'll need you he says thanks and jumps on him way down he see the precedent. the precedent says to the smartest guy in the world you should of known i gave you my back pack !!!you know I'm a politician. ha ha ha

Answer 10

dis r my fav jokes and poem hope u lyk it

A new lady teacher came to teach 8th standard students. As it was the first day, she gave her intro,
and asked all the students to Introduce themselves with name and hobby.
She said, "Let's start with the boys first."

Boys start giving their intro...
First boy: "My name is John, and my hobby is to see bubble in the Bathtub."
Teacher was confused to listen but said, "Interesting.
Well, Ok.
In fact, we must be honest in telling the hobby. And after all there is essentially a child in each of us. So it's ok John.
Yes next."
Second boy: "Myself Peter and my hobby is to see bubble in the Bathtub."
Teacher now got surprised and said, "Good. I like the spirit of Supporting a friend.
Ok next."
Third boy: "I'm Smith and my hobby is to see bubble in the Bathtub."
Teacher: "Guys are you joking or what? Please be sincere. Ok next."
This continues...
And the last boy stands up "I'm Harry and my hobby is to see Bubble in the bathtub."

Exhausted, the teacher said, "I don't think I will be able to teach un-grown boys for long. Anyway, now the girls please."
First girl: "I'm Julie and my hobby is to see birds."
Teacher: "Good. At last I got something different. Ok next."
Second girl: "I'm Ruby and I like to collect perfumes."
Teacher "Now it's like educated grown up girls. Ok next."
You sweet Girl; Yes you..."
Most beautiful girl of the class gets up:
"Mam, my name is Bubble, and my hobby is to take bath three times a day."

Kissing is a habit
Fu**in is a game
guys get all the pleasure
girls get all the pain
the guys says i love you
and u believe its true
when ur tummy starts to swell
he says the hell with you!
10 minutes of pleasure
9 months of pain
3 days in a hospital
and a baby without a name
the baby is a bas**rd
the mother is a who**
this never would have happened
if the rubber hadnt tore.

Answer 11

ill stick a phone so far up ur *** that when u call 911 all the cops are gonna hear are silent but deadlys