Look, I know you cannot reason with a four year old, I've tried and I cant find any way to explain it to where she will understand... She thinks that she can do whatever she wants and she doesnt care if I yell, ground, or spank her. I feel like Im living with a teen already.She isnt violent she doesnt hit but you can tell her 5 times not to do something in an hour and she deliberatley does it. Ive tried everything I can, including reasoning with her, and explaining to her why she has to follow the rules but I cant find the words to talk to her to where she will understand... She says Im mean to her and the only thing I can say is Im not mean to you, your being mean by not following the rules. Im at my wits end with her. I am always consistent with the punishment but shes so hard headed that shes consistant with behaving badly. Sometimes I feel like shes doing this to spite me. How do I handle my four year old who thinks shes fourteen what else can I try for punishment and how do I get
2006-06-29 12:26:52 · 18 answers · asked by hearts_bleed_dark 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
her to understand what rules are and why she needs to follow them????
2006-06-29 12:28:35 · update #1
spanky botty
2006-06-29 12:29:37 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
This is so familiar. I know people use ADHD as an excuse these days but my 12 year old son was the same. He was diagnosed in late May this year. He wasn't mean, just quiet and never did anything he was told no matter what the consequences or reward was. We tried everything! School has been horrible! They didn't know what to do, he was tested and didn't qualify for any type of services. We changed pediatricians and were told that ADD or ADHD was suspected. We were referred to a psychiatrist and he was diagnosed in about 30 minutes. He is now medicated and what a different child, thank God! I've cried more than once to see how different and thoughtful he is when medicated. I was at my wits end for years. I wish our old pediatrician would have listened better years ago. There is still a long road ahead of us and I don't want another child to miss out because there is a chemical imbalance in their brain. I didn't realize ADHD children don't see what they do as bad behavior. They can't because they have never seen the world as we do. That was so scary to learn, I remembered all of the punishment and spankings when he just didn't understand why. Ridgid rules, tough love, spanking, church, behavior modification charts, detention in school, losing tv, Play Station, toys, nor any privelage worked. It couldn't. So before you follow anyone's advice inclucing mine, talk to a good and trusted doctor. It may take a while to find someone to listen to you and evaluate your daughter but, it will be worth it to find out if her behavior is controllable or not. If she doesn't have ADHD then you will still be in the right place for answers. She may only need couseling or not but you definately will if things don't change. It could be as simple as a "phase" but, remember phases are just that. They don't last. God bless you and your daughter and may he guide you and help you accept his will in this matter!
2006-06-29 13:05:01 · answer #2 · answered by Natalie M 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Watch the show Super Nanny or buy the book..you will get some fantastic ideas from that. You cannot request a 4yr old follow your rules hon..you have to demand it from her. Kids feel really insecure if they are leading the behaviour. She needs to know that you rule the roost by some of the tactics in the show/book and then she will relax her grip on the power and start to be a child again. It must be exhausting for you both at the moment. I wish you luck, raising kids is not always easy.
2006-06-29 12:31:23 · answer #3 · answered by anything_my_child 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
WOW 0_0
Thats it is themost horrible story of a FOUR YEAR OLD i've ever heard.
Well, all I can tell you to do with the little brat is stop playing nice. I think you should take all the toys away from her room, and maybe lock her in there with nothing to do. Not a thing. Nothing, not even a coloring book. Then give her for diner, the most healthiest veggtebles that she hates. When she saks for something ignore her, if she throws a tantrom, ignore her. Take away alllll her favorites. Do all possible to take away anything she likes and keep her bored as heck.
Also don't tell her NOT to do anything. Don't give her any ideas. And if she does something and you know its to bother you ignore it, when she leaves, clean it up. Ignore, take away and bore are my ONLY ideas.
Hope've helped in some way.
2006-06-29 12:35:05 · answer #4 · answered by dotbrie 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Since she is only 4 believe it or not she just might not understand the big deal. Her comprehension might not be well enough developed yet. Or she could be a child who has to learn the hard way...meaning....she will do it and then find out what will happen to her. Believe me i have one of these types of kids....they are challenging and take longer to get it. Don't make it a power struggle. Just tell her no and your reason and that's it....eventually she will get it....it could take awhile but until then, keep a close eye on her. And, don't think that it's anything that you have done...it's just the type of personality she was born with.
Good Luck
2006-06-29 14:06:16 · answer #5 · answered by Jade 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My son is 3 and he also seems immune to authority or rules. He does whatever he wants and time out, spanking, taking his toys, whatever, nothing gets through to him. Hopefully it is a phase and the kids will grow out of it. Peopl are telling me to be firm because he is testing me, but when the punishments do not bother him how can I set rules? So I feel your pain, it's very annoying. One time I told my son if he didn't stop throwing his toy I would put it in the garbage and he went and threw it away!
2006-06-29 12:32:04 · answer #6 · answered by advicemom 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry to say this, but sometimes you just have to be 'mean'. A 4 y/o has to have boundaries or there's no way you'll be able to reason with her later on in life. I found 'time out' was one way of dealing with my son's naughty behavior (one min for every year of their life is a good rule of thumb) Also by taking away something of hers that she wants until she does as she's told can work wonders.
But the best advice you can get is 'stick to your guns' with her, she'll have more respect for you that way.
2006-06-29 12:36:21 · answer #7 · answered by Jenni 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Make tough love and stick with it. Next time take her favorite toy and throw it away for good. Explain that everytime she misbehaves, she will have to stand in the corner,and will lose a toy. Always her favorite. This will have an impact on her, but beware, she will fight you in the begining, and already knows she can make you feel bad by saying things to you. Be strong, it will be better in the long run for you both.
2006-06-29 12:32:23 · answer #8 · answered by psycmikev 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are not using age appropriate discipline techniques.
She is acting that way because you are treating her like she's older than she is. If you have to tell her to not do something 5 times then you are NOT being consistent because you are telling her 4 times to many. When you tell her not to do something tell her ONCE, tell her why and tell her what the consequences will be if she should do it again.
Example: My 5 year old son and 3 year old son are sitting on the couch watching cartoons. My 5 year old keeps on kicking my 3 year old. I tell my 5 year old "Please stop kicking Taylor. He doesn't like being kicked. It hurts. If you don't stop then you are going to go and sit on the floor."
He kicks him again. I tell him to sit on the floor. I remove him physically, if necessary. If he asks later to sit on the couch he may only do so after apologizing and then he must sit without kicking.
You can also use a "naughty chair" technique as seen on "SuperNanny." It works...IF you do it right.
Finally: Remember to talk to your daughter as HER age level. Don't let her in on adult conversations that are not age appropriate. She doesn't need to know every detail of your life along with all the drama of your friends and family. Remember: She is a CHILD and you are the adult. Don't let her cross that line and act like she's got authority. It sounds like that is what you are allowing her to do.
Good luck!
~C
2006-06-29 12:40:54 · answer #9 · answered by dancing_in_the_hail 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She is just not "getting" the seriousness of consequences. This happend to a slight degree with our son when he was 4 last year. Preschool really helped change his attitude, and his teacher told us that he was well behaved in class, that it was only at home he was acting up. It only happened once at school. ..it was one time when he refused to line up when the recess bell rang, his teacher made him miss the next recess and sit on the bench while his friends played. After that no more problems.
2006-06-29 12:31:06 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
stick to ONE punishment for right now
try sitting her right beside you not letting her have any thing no drink no food no toys no bathroom breaks nothing for 5 min everytime she does it
buy a timer and use it as the time out timer and nothing else set it for five min. everytime she speaks reset it and everytime she does it even if it is as soon as she gets up make her do it agian
It will take time but she will eventually get it i know it is a pain and not the quick solution your looking for but it WILL work
2006-06-29 12:42:50 · answer #11 · answered by shellshell 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋