If you want 10 points?

Question

Tell me a joke- the funniest one wins
anything goes

Answer 1

confucias one say man who stick pen!s in peanut jar is fuccing nuts

Answer 2

One day there was this man that went to a beach completely naked even though the beach was a non-nude beach.
But the man thought and thought looking around. Nobody is here so he doesn't care. He takes off his towel and lays down with a newspaper to cover his privates just in case.
Soon comes a little girl that asks "Sir, what's under the newspaper?"
The man replies with "it's a birdy and never ever touch it."
He soon falls asleep.
Later on when he wakes up, he's in the hospital feeling immense pain around his private area. The doctors ask what happened and all he could remember was the girl at the beach.
Later on the cops arrive at her house asking what she had done. She said "well I was playing with the birdy but then it spit this white stuff at me. I got really mad. So I broke it's neck, stepped on it's eggs, and burned it's nest."
Another Joke
Little Johnny was sitting in class one day. All of the sudden, he needed to go to the bathroom. He yelled out,"Miss Jones, I need to take a piss!!"
The teacher replied, "Now, Johnny, that is NOT the proper word to use in this situation. The correct word you want to use is 'urinate.'
Please use the word 'urinate' in a sentence correctly, and I will allow you to go."
Little Johnny thinks for a bit, then says, "You're an eight, but if you had bigger ****, you'd be a ten!!!"

Answer 3

hey dunt kno da funniest joke but i know sum joke and poem that i lyk if u lyk dan u lyk if u dont lyk dan i wasted my tym writing it

Kissing is a habit
Fu**in is a game
guys get all the pleasure
girls get all the pain
the guys says i love you
and u believe its true
when ur tummy starts to swell
he says the hell with you!
10 minutes of pleasure
9 months of pain
3 days in a hospital
and a baby without a name
the baby is a bas**rd
the mother is a who**
this never would have happened
if the rubber hadnt tore.

not doing thid for points i m juss getting bored

Name Game

A first-grade class is having a game of Name That Animal.
The teacher held up a picture of a cat.
"What animal is this?" she asked.
"A cat!" said Eddie.
"Good job! Now, what is this animal?"
"A dog!" said Eddie.
"Good! Now what animal is this?" she asked, holding up a picture of a
Deer. The class fell silent. After a couple of minutes, the teacher said,
"It's what your mom calls your dad."
"A horny bastard," called out Eddie.

Answer 4

Three nuns in church on a hot day decide to remove their robes because of the heat. Not an unusual habit on a hot day. So about a half hour later, the door bell rings while their robes are slumped over pews clear across the huge chapel.

They ask who it is. "The blind man," a voice replies.

The three nuns decide to simply open the door because the man is blind. He walks in, looks at the nuns and says, "Nice ****! Where do you want me to install these blinds?"

Answer 5

A construction worker was whistling and verbally harassing a young girl as she walked by the construction site. She completely ignored him, and just kept on walking.

Annoyed the worker yelled "Well you're an ugly ***** anyway!"

The girl turned around and replied "You must REALLY suck when even an ugly ***** won't give you the time of day!"

Answer 6

Why did the chicken cross the road?

Pat Buchanan answers this question: "To steal a job from a decent , hard-working American."

Dr. Seuss answers this question: "Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes, the chicken crossed the road, but why? It's not been told."

Grandpa answers this question: "In my day, we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Someone told us that the chicken had crossed the road, and that was good enough for us."

And Colonel Sanders answers this question: "I missed one?"

Answer 7

Q. What is a 's favorite thing to eat?
A. A Klondike Bar

Q. What doesn't belong in this list : Meat, Eggs, Wife, ?
A. : You can beat your meat, eggs or wife, but you can't beat a .

Q. Why do men die before their wives?
A. They want to.

Q. How do you know when your cat's done cleaning himself?
A. He's a cigarette.

Answer 8

these two brothers were opening presents on christmas morning when the younger brother, who has presents galore just piled to the ceiling, looks over at his older brother and says 'HAHA...ive got more presents than you.'

the older brother sighs, shakes his head, points his finger and responds 'HAHA...im not dying of cancer!'

Answer 9

an ailing old man goes to the doctor.
the doc examines him and says he needs a stool sample, a semen sample and a urine sample so the old man just gives him his underwear.

yuck yuck yuck

Answer 10

what did the fish say when he swam into a brick wall?