How do you talk to your 18 year old niece?

Question

who just graduated that her life choices are making her head down the wrong highway of life? He dad (my brother) died back in 2004, and he always bragged how she was going to college and become a vet or a lawyer. Now that she has graduated she wants to work a 2 bit job and live with her no ambition bf. He father would roll over in his grave if he knew what she was doing. How do I talk to her?

Answer 1

There isnt much you can do. If you try to talk her out of her phase you wont get anywhere and she will probably resent you.

Just let her learn on her own, but stay close to be a positive influence.

Answer 2

This is going to be tough on you, but you can't talk to her about it directly right now. If you do, you'll drive them closer together. If she's smart she'll get sick of him soon. Be happy she finished high school! Maybe she needs a little time off to decompress - especially since her dad died not long ago at all. Keep in touch with her, but don't be judgmental. Take her out places with you (and if possible without the boyfriend) and let her know you think she is special. I bet she's just taking the time to figure it all out, and she'll go to college and then on to graduate school and be fine in the long run (or the short run.) She can apply for college in the coming year. Please encourage her to choose and take her to visit colleges. She will get bored working at a crap job that has no perspectives. If she doesn't start to get moving in that direction by Christmas time, then see if you can get her to listen to you. Meanwhile, what is she doing about birth control?

Answer 3

She might be avoiding college because the process of getting in and getting started is almost impossible for an 18-year-old to do alone. Offer to pay for her college application (usually $20-$50) if she'll just consider attending. She and her boyfriend can still live together if she goes to a local college, or they can "move in together" if she goes somewhere farther away. Help her to get into college by:

1) Find a college, preferrably local, that has the major or majors that she is interested in (http://www.collegeview.com can help, just click on the "College Search" button in the upper left hand corner).

2) Call the college and order a freshman admissions application. Some colleges have online applications. Have her fill it out, and help her as this is a big form for someone just out of high school.
Also ask about housing. If she wants to live in the dorms, she will need to apply for housing using the form the college provides. This form might be included in the admissions application. If she does not want housing, she needs to make sure it's allowed by the college, since many colleges require that freshman live on campus for the first semester or first year.

3) Order transcripts (grade report) to be sent from her high school to the college.

4) Get the financial aid (FAFSA) forms or go online and fill out the forms there. They can be found at http://www.fafsa.ed.gov/ You will need to have her social security number and 2005 tax information from her/her parents (including W-2's). One of the questions asks about "Work Study". This is a good thing to check YES for, because it means that she'll be eligible to get a job on campus if she wants. If she decides to live off-campus in an apartment, FAFSA (and possible grants and student loans) will provide her with enough money to do so. If she lives on campus, FAFSA will cover the expense as well. The amount of financial aid she receives will depend on her/her parent's income. 85% of college students receive FAFSA (which does not have to be repaid). If she needs more money, she will also be eligible for grants (which do not need to be repaid) and student loans (must be repaid).

5) Once she is accepted, go to the college and have her register for classes. She will need to meet with an academic counselor so that she selects the right classes for her major.

After all of this is done, she's ready go! Good luck!

Answer 4

Be honest but try not to be too judgmental of her, she will resent you. As an adult you know you can't learn from others mistakes. She will have to learn many things on her own. Be supportive of decisions she makes and help her learn to accept responsibility for her choices even if they are bad ones. If she is a mature, caring, responsible adult I am sure that her father would be proud no matter what her occupation. God Bless!

Answer 5

She's lucky that she has a caring aunt such as you! Now that she's an adult, it's really important that she has you to talk to and to feel supported by you.

I suggest talking to her as a supportive family member who loves her. Try not to sound parental or critical. Speak your concerns as one who has traveled those roads before and has learned from your mistakes. She may not be receptive right away but she will always remember her favorite aunt who cared.

I apologize if I told you that I had sex with a squirrel. That was inappropriate.

Answer 6

be honest with her and don't beat around the bush get straigth to the point. Just talk it out with her and then if that don't work tell her if she wants to waste her life go right ahead because you only have her best intrest in mind.

Answer 7

Don't tell her anything you just told us. If my aunt came to me and told me that I'd spit in her face and tell her to mind her own business.

Maybe the best approach would be to tell her that you're worried about her. Tell her what *could* happen and then tell her you'll be there for her no matter what she chooses.

Maybe she just wants to live, not be the 'star' of everything.

Answer 8

YOU HAVE TO SIT DOWN WITH HER AND TALK TO HER AS THOUGH SHE IS AN ADULT .I HATE TO BE TRUTH THE MORE YOU HARP ON HER THE MORE SHE IS GOING TO DO JUST THE OPPOSITE..MAYBE LET HER HAVE A YR OFF AND SHE MAY CHANGE HER MIND..RIGHT NOW SHE WANTS TO SPREAD HER WINGS ALITTLE..LET IT GO FOR NOW IF SHE DOESN'T WANT TO LISTEN TO YOU OR TALK WITH YOU..I'M SURE SHE WILL COME AROUND IF SHE REMEMBERS THAT HER FATHER'S BIGGEST DREAM WAS FOR HER TO HAVE ALL THAT..

Answer 9

Tell her you think she could do better. Take her out, get to know her better and she might take you more seriously. But, at 18 she's free to go screw up her own life . . . it's a shame.

Answer 10

Don't waste your breath and her time...18? Don't you realize she knows everything? Just try to be there for her when she falls on her face and don't preach.