OK, this guy has stolen her car three times, stolen money from her on several ocassions and has gotten married on her twice. They been involved for 15 years (I'm 20) and I have hated him for the past 10. He doesn't treat my mom right and I don't wanna see my mom get hurt. Also, my mom has to be at work at 10 am and he has to be to work at 6 am so he drops her off at work at 5 am!!!!! Does anyone understand this, because I sure as heck don't. Can someone who has been in this or a similar situation give advice, PLEASE!!!!
2006-06-29 10:57:55 · 23 answers · asked by elr212006 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
I agree with you and I don't believe we should dismiss these kind of blatant abuses under the catchall idea that the person being victimized is old enough to know better. Clearly, your mother has some serious self-esteem issues if she finds any of what you are describing as not only acceptable, but forgiveable. Until she addresses whatever inside herself tolerates such bad behavior, she is doomed to repeat the same mistake in the next relationship even if she left this guy. Unfortunately, society also forces women into this position because, truth is, an attached woman (regardless of what kind of man she is attached to) is considered to be better than an unattached one. Sad, but the reality we live in.
Personally, if I was in that situation I would move out and tell my mother that I can not bear witness to her self destruction. It might be harsh, but sometimes people have to feel the void in order to realize how their actions negatively impact those around them.
2006-06-29 11:05:38 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Honestly, you can not stop someone from being a door mat. If you want to get her to see what a dump truck this guy is there are a few things you can do. Though they may come back to bite you in the butt, but at least you tried.
Solicit the help of one of your friends, an attractive one. Follow him while he is out, and when the moment is right have her approach him and start flirting. See if he bites(I know, it is disgusting for her). Then have her get really "friendly" to see if he responds. Capture the action on your phone cam and then show mom and see it that has any effect.
Second(and it might cost you a bit)have a florist deliver flowers to your mom's house for this douche bag from a "g/f"(a friend you have write out the note so that your hand writing can not be detected). Have her say what a lovely time she had with him(chose a time you know he was not home or at work.)and maybe that will knock your mom out of her funk and she will see him for what he is.
Or sadly, maybe your mother feels her like is so dull she needs him because the drama adds live to the week.
2006-06-29 18:09:34 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your mom is definitely being a fool here and she's a woman in a bad relationship who for some reason is choosing to put up with it. the problem is that there is nothing much you can do about it, you can point out how wrong his treatment of her is, but really if your mom didn't like a guy you were with would you break up with him because of it? what you need to do is figure out WHY your mother thinks so little of herself that she is willing to be treated badly. until you cure that problem nothing will change and even if she does get rid of this guy she'll end up with another bad one. she may feel that nobody else will have her and she'd rather have a bad one than none at all. she obviously has very low self esteem and thats what needs to change in order for her to believe she deserves better for herself. perhaps start by trying to have a grown up conversation with her about the situation, not lecturing or pointing out his flaws just a heart to heart talk about what she thinks about the situation.
2006-06-29 18:23:57 · answer #3 · answered by dappersmom 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dear wanna-help-Mom,
Well, it looks like you are in a dilema. It is difficult for you to see your mother going through all this drama, but you have to remember that she is her own person. Despite what you feel about him, your mom has to make the decision on her own. You cannot force her to leave him, neither can you expect her to listen to you, especially not if she is in love.
It could very well be that she is codependent and needs to have him in her life, no matter how crappy he treats her. Maybe she needs to find someone else who will treat her better so she can see the light. Hook her up with some good guy so she will leave this schmuck.
Good luck
M.
2006-06-29 18:04:29 · answer #4 · answered by Ralph M. 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Never been there or done that. But here's the deal: you're an adult, and SHE's an adult. YOU cannot change your mother, all you can do is try to move on with your life & learn from her mistakes.
After 15 years, you'd think she'd learn, but apparently she's satisfied with her life the way it is. Don't bother protecting her, or trying to "talk sense" into her; it will never work.
Either she's going to wake up one day and have enough of it and THEN come to you for help, or she won't. But on the day that she does show up, just be supportive. Till then........
2006-06-29 18:08:40 · answer #5 · answered by Brutally Honest 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
WOW what a creep this loser is! Do you think it could be, that he's secretly abusive (hitting wise) to her and she's afraid to leave him?
Whatever it is, he certainly has his hooks in her. Pehaps a girls night out with just you will open her eyes a little bit. If she's cool about it, get her gussied up and take her to a bar * no drinking for you of course ;)*, get her to loosen up a bit and dance with a guy or two - just have fun! Maybe you guys can talk like friends instead of mother & daughter too. And, just maybe, she'll finally realize she's too good to be strung along by this jerk.
2006-06-29 18:31:13 · answer #6 · answered by Reb 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you are right to say that he is and a**hole if i were in your position i would probaly be as upset about this situation to, however parents usually don't want to listen to there kids even though they may know that they are right. i think that your mom have had this person in her life for so long that she just can't imagine her life without him even though she knows in here heart that he's no good to here he is using her conveniently to serve his own purpose. my advice try talking to her some more, if that don't work try gettting her interested in other activity involving other person and yourself , you could also try setting her up with someone you think might help her have a good time. hey it's worth a try although it may take some persistence and time but hang in there you might be the only one to help her good luck.....
2006-06-29 18:09:52 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is a CONTROL freak and your mom needs to stand up to him. If she doesn't it will only get worse. BUT She most likely won't do anything as she puts up with him now. Hey, show her thie answer. I'd throw him out and move on. If she needs she can get a restraining order. If she needs help or advice she can contact a women's shelter/center. They can give her advice. I wish you and your mom the best of luck with this.
2006-06-29 18:07:17 · answer #8 · answered by GRUMPY 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your mother is a grown woman and she has the right to live her life as she sees fit - even if it's wrong. All you can do is tell her how you feel and show her the facts about this guy - what she does with them is her business. You just need to support her and respect her, you can't make her leave him.
2006-06-29 18:03:42 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
After 15 years of putting up with him, he is not going to change. Your mom obviously have some self esteem issues or else she wouldn't let him treat her like that. Unfortunately, those we care about don't always listen to us. You just have to let her live her life and worry about healthy relationships for yourself. Just be there for your mom and hopefully she'll wake up one day and move on. Good luck.
2006-06-29 18:08:42 · answer #10 · answered by heidielizabeth69 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋