What should i do? :( need advice!?

Question

I'm turning 18 and i have a girlfriend who i LOVE very much. I've been with her for a long time and we wanna stay together and start a family together in the future. Anyways, i wanna join the Navy for 4 years but i don't know if i should join when i graduate high school or if i should wait until i get married with her so she can live with me on base. We wanna get married, but not now, once we are 20 then we will. If i go once i graduate i'm afraid she'll forget about me and things will change. I need help making a decision. :(

If you have seen the movie "Family Man" with Nicolas Cage. I am in the situation he was, he chose his career over marriage, and he was living happy until he found out how it is to be married and he liked it better. Kind of funny, i never thought i'll be in that situation.

Answer 1

You're just turning 18 & still have a year of high school left. You're coming up on a point where things are going to change whether you like it or not. Most couples like oyurs are going to split up & go to different colleges. You think you know what love is, but when people get to college & get some freedom from their parents it changes who they are, they spend a couple years growing into the person they are going to be rather than the one their parents have been shaping & controlling for years. I know it's hard to see, but when you look back on it that's the deal.

In your case, don't rush into marriage just because you're scared of losing someone. That's a horrible reason. I think it's best if you wait a couple years. I think you should go ahead & join the Navy. I don't know what her plans are, college or whatever, but its a big case of "if you love it set it free, if its true it'll come back to you." Do your best to make it thru, but understand both of you will be changing a lot during these transition years. If at 20 you both want to get married, then go for it & congrats! If you find you've changed so much & grown apart, then better to find that out before you're married then realize it two years in. You need to give her every opportunity to pursue her career goals too. Again, I don't know if she's going on to school or whatever, but you sure don't want to be a junior enlisted guy trying to support a family (they don't pay you nearly enough for that). I wish you the best of luck, and make a smart decision with your head instead of your heart. It'll all work out for the best & you have a whole lot of life in front of you.

Answer 2

You've gotten a lot of good advice so far from the folks that told you if you're unsure than you should wait. Its true that the Navy will give you money for having a spouse, however, a divorce will cost you much more so please think it through. The person that told you to wait and see the world is also very much on point. Wait, go on a cruise and see everything that you can and if you don't meet someone better along the way and if the girl from home is still there and in love with you then you'll definitely know she's a keeper. One more thing, if you join the Navy make sure you become an FC, its the only job in the Navy worth a damn. For the most part all the other rates are simply there to make it possible for the FC to do his/her job. If it weren't for FC's there would be no US Navy.

Answer 3

Well, if she forgets about you then it just shows you should not get married. Getting married at 18 is just about the dumbest thing you can do. You are not done maturing and neither is she. In 10 years you will be different people. Some people make that work, but only a very small number. Most will end up divorced by 20 and usually with a couple of ill-supported, badly raised kids.

If it is meant to be, it will be in 2 years.

Answer 4

Dude, you're EIGHTEEN....you have your whole life ahead of you and you want to wreck it for some high school piece of trim...

Do NOT get married if you're going to join the military. Your chances of getting a divorce or your wife living in poverty is extremely high. If your relationship is real, she'll be there when you get out. If not, it's for the better. Believe me, you'll be better off. And there's a ton of women if that's your biggest concern.

One final thing, you probably won't listen, but I'll say it anyway. WAIT!, Wait until you're MUCH older (late 20's early 30's) to get married. There's no need to rush and you BOTH need to mature and get some education or careers started. If you do things too soon, it just makes it that much harder....

Answer 5

Hey buddy. Take it from one who knows this exact issue from a personal stance. Join the Navy fresh out of high school, and if she hasn't forgotten you, then marry her. You don't want to be out at sea on a 6 month cruise and get notice that wants a divorce. Give her a chance to see what it will be like with you away serving your country. The first couple of months apart will do you both good in the long run. Then you will know where your love for each other really is.

Answer 6

you dont get to live on base with wife til you have a little rank so forget that dream. If she will forget you then it isnt serious anyway. Let her stay home and work and save money so you can marry and buy a home. You can live in the barracks for free and save your money too. Think of all you will have when you get out. You can also get some college education while in the navy. Go for it. You are young and have years ahead of you. She will have 4 years to plan the perfect wedding.

Answer 7

I wouldn't suggest getting married until you're at least 25. You'll do a whole lot of changing between now and then, especially if you join the navy.

I'm in the army, and my brother is in the navy. My father always told us not to get married until we had served at least one tour. I took his advice, and my brother didn't. I'm single and happy, ad my brother is on his second marriage.

No matter what career you choose, I would wait to get married, just because you're both going to change.

Answer 8

Go into the Navy first, start your career before you get married. If she won't or can't wait she wasn't the one for you, you may even have a change of heart. Life has a funny way about changing what we have planned.

Answer 9

well you need to do what you feel is right, if you get married before you go in you will get more pay, something to consider. also have you looked into the navy reserve? might be a good way to go, do the reserves, go to college, then if you still want to you can move to the full time navy.

talk it over with her, also ask a recruiter about all your options. Follow what you both feel is right and what ever that is get a college education when your young, I am in my mid 20's and finishing up, wish I would have done it when I was more your age.

Answer 10

If it is true love she won't forget you. As far as living on base you better go see what you are going to get. Plus the Navy may send you to some place you can't take a wife! I'd wait awhile.