What do I do with my runaway teenager?

Question

My daughter is 16 yrs old. She asked if she could move out with a friend and I said no, of course. She is not responsible or mature enough to handle the real world. She could barely get herself to school and work. One night, just over 2 wks ago, after not getting her own way, she decided not to come home. Until just a few days ago we had no idea where she was. We found out she's living with this 20 yr old loser. She said, "you know how I feel about him". Yeah I know just how you feel...days before that she had a hickie from some other dude and spent hours on the phone with him...but she LOVES this one *rolls eyes*. She says she's staying with him and apparently there's nothing we can do since the age of consent is 14! This dude is controlling and apparently not mature enough to get a girl his own age. He's lied to me and I can't stand her being with him. She lies too. So.. Just let her ruin her life? She ran away before for 5 days. Her Dad brought her home and she said never again. :(

I have spoken to the police. There is nothing they can do.
I will not sabotage the loser 20 yr old. I feel he will do that himself.
We are letting her go and dealing with it. My husband doesn't want to live with her ever again. It's been very peaceful without her here. She is still my daughter and if she needs me I will be here but I will not chase her *** down and try to bring her back. She has to learn on her own or like last time...she will just do it again. I would however like to take a round out of the loser...me and a few friends. grrrr

Thanks...but I'm Canadian and we have different laws.

Thank you CH I have done all of those things already. *sigh*

Umm Neptune...she was a beautiful child at 5 yrs old.
You can't tell them they can't come back in Canada or you are financially responsible for them wherever they live.

The police talked to her last time she ran...alot of good that did. Like I said..I'm in Canada...our laws are different. My hands are tied. I am not letting my child play me. I could make her life a living hell if I wanted to and she knows it. I'm going to just let her make her own mistakes and if/when she returns it will be on her own but the rules and respect at home will not change. Thanks for your responses!

Richo...thanks but I listen tons and know alot of her friends. They agree that she does what she wants and she says she "loves" him but we all know he's using her just like she's using him. Most of the friends don't know what to say anyway.

She's already gotten herself on birth control at school. She's not all that good at taking them religiously. She also has to complete 3 yrs of school since she slacked off the past two years. I've done all I can do as a mother. It's up to her now. Guess I have to wait for the bf to screw up. I'm thinking she'll have fun in the summer and when that's over...reality will strike. Thanks for your responses!

Answer 1

sometimes you jsut have to let go and wish and hope for the best. My daughter was a cronic runaway and I was a single mom trying to keep my job. The more she ran away the more it distrubted my job. Finally I told her, if you don't want to live her anymore, I'm not going to make you. Good luck. She was gone for about 3 months. ( by the way it was very peacful for me) when she came back on her own she was much nicer to me and greatful for all the things I tried to teach her and give her. It was hard and she did a lot of bad things, but in the end it was the best for both of us. She had to grow up, its tuff love and if you can stand it it works.

Answer 2

Actually in the US running away is not a crime, forcing someone her age back can not prevent her from leaving again. Also at 17 which your daughter is fast approaching , many young adults strike out on their own, most after graduation but a few are not. This is a situation time must resolve, my own daughter moved in with her boyfriend after her Junior year at 17, after checking into things I found as their was nothing I could do to just let things play out. Eventually they broke up, within a year.

Answer 3

Since when has the age of consent been 14. If he is over 17 yrs. old you can press charges on him. She is a minor and you have every right to keep him away from her. Sometimes the best thing to do is let her learn the hard way instead of making things worse by pushing her farther away.

Answer 4

It's too late to try and control her now. You should have given her more discipline when she was 5 yrs. old. Only thing you can do is let her learn from her mistakes. Let her go run away, but don't you dare support her with money. Next time she does it, tell her she can't comeback, and hold true to your word. She won't do it again!

Edit:
I'm sorry, I'm just having a bad day. Took it out in the form of my answer. I apologize.
Good luck with her. Hope it works out alright.

Neptune.

p.s. Don't you just love us rude Americans? .......lol

Answer 5

Call the cops and put her in a juvenille detention center for a few days/weeks. I was in the same situation when I was younger. My mom did that to me, I went for 2 days. I hated her for a few weeks but I got over it and I thank her for it now. If I would've stayed with the 21 year old loser I was with, I'd probably be dead now. It may be hard to do this to your child but she will thank you in the long run.

Answer 6

I am under the impression that in all states you have parental rights until she is 17. Maybe you can't get him on statutory rape but you can get her butt home or sent to a juvenile detention. Call your local law enforcement and ask them. We had the same problem with ur teenager and an officer talked to her and told her the trouble she could get in and it helped turn her around. Best of luck

Answer 7

The age of consent is 14? If that applies to sex, fine, but legally she's still underage. Which means you share responsibility for what she does. Call the police and sue the loser if you have to.

Answer 8

Call Dr. Phil! That or Jerry Springer. The 20 year-old sounds like a nightmare -- you need to figure out how to show your daughter what a loser he is. Does he have a job? Call his boss and explain your situation. I'd sabatoge him any way I could if I were you.

Answer 9

Sounds like this girl needs a good scare put into her. She is NOT old enough to live with some 20 year old. You really need to stand your ground and make sure that she doesn't run away. She is going to ruin her life if she continues to run away like that.

Answer 10

send her to boot camp. Or show her where the free clinic is to get birth control and wish her well. At 16 she thinks she knows whats best. Let her find out for herself, but be there for her after she realizes the mistake. If you protect her from making mistakes, she never learns. 16yr olds cant hear reason, they need to see it for themselves. Just relax and let her go and get her out of your hair.