Who has a really good joke?

Question

Whatever kind, it doesnt matter. Cheesy is very acceptable!

Answer 1

How do you fix a broken tomato?


With tomato paste!

Answer 2

Ok so there were 3 fish and the owner put 1 in the trash can, 1 in the refrigerator, and 1 in the toilet.Then later on the day the owner comes back and checks at the one in the trash can and she sees that the fish is very smelly and dirty so she leaves it in there.Then she checks the one in the refrigerator and she sees that it died so she just leaves it in there for maybe her dinner.Then the owner hears a voice saying HELP HELP so she goes in the bathroom and the owner says what happened and then the fish says.Well first you put me in this white thingy and then its becomes really dark.Then some yellow yucky water starts falling and then it's the most scary part of all.These black/brown rocks start falling on me and one falls on my head.Then i get some light but a tornado hits and i go down this hole but i met my family.But then this dragon starts hitting us and I pop back through this hole and here i am now.

Answer 3

A drunk gets up from the bar and heads for the bathroom. A few minutes later, a loud, blood curdling scream is heard from the bathroom. A few minutes after that, another loud scream reverberates through the bar.

The bartender goes into the bathroom to investigate why the drunk is screaming. "What's all the screaming about in there? You're scaring the customers!"

"I'm just sitting here on the toilet and every time I try to flush, something comes up and squeezes the hell out of my testicles."

With that, the bartender opens the door, looks in and says..."You idiot! You're sitting on the mop bucket!"

Answer 4

True story.

I went to a church picnic where I brought a plate of assorted cheeses. I urged the pastor to have a piece. "Try some of this great nacho cheese!"

He tried a slice, and said, "This tastes good, but it's Swiss."

I got angry and told him "I know what I'm talking about!"

"What makes you so sure?" he wanted to know.

"Because," I explained, "when I ran out of the store with it, the manager chased me halfway down the block and he kept yelling 'Hey! that's nacho cheese! that's nacho cheese!'."

(Hey, you SAID cheesy was all right!)

Some people laughed, but half the people who heard me though I actually stole it!

Answer 5

Lonely me checked into a hotel on a business trip, thought
I'd get me one of those girls appears in the advrtsmns on phone booth,
found an ad of a girl calling herself Erogonique, a lovely girl, having right curves in all the right places,
beautiful long wavy hair, long graceful legs all the way up.. you know the kind.
So I'm in my room & figure, "What the heck, I'll give her a call."
"Hello?" she said. Wow! She sounded sexy.
"Hi, I hear you give a great massage & I'd like you to come to my room &
give me one. No, wait, let me b straight with you. I'm in town all alone
& what I really want is sex. I want it hard & hot, & I want it
now. I'm talking kinky the whole night long. You name it, we'll do it. Bring
implements, toys, everything u got 4 di trick. We'll go hot
& heavy all night; tie me up, wear a strap on, cover me in chocolate syrup
& whipped cream, anything U want, baby!
Now, how does that sounds?"
She said, "Sounds fantastic.. but for an outside line, Sir, you need
to press 9

Answer 6

A woman walks into a bar.
The only man there is having two blue drinks.
She asks what they are and he tells her it's his special drink.
Drink one and you feel great! Drink two and you can fly!
With that he downed both drinks, went to the window and jumped.
He flew around the building twice and landed at her feet.
"
She was amazed and had two herself. She then walked
to the window and jumped 52 stories to her death.

The man at the bar snickered.

The bar tender said, 'Jeeez'
You sure mean when you're drunk, Superman!"

Answer 7

On a rural road a state trooper pulled this farmer over and said: "Sir, do you realize your wife fell out of the car several miles back?"

To which the farmer replied: "Thank God, I thought I had gone deaf!"

Answer 8

how many months 28 days