How do i explain this to a six year old?

Question

I let my six year old play out with her friends outside our house for a couple of hours after school they are supervised by either myself or one of the other parents, but i have an absolute nightmare getting her to come in, i belieive that at her age on a school night she should be in bed no later than 8pm (usually 7:30) but my neighbour allows her children (aged 5&3) to stay out untill around 10pm. So of course my daughter thinks im some kind of monster who doesnt love her because im not as kind, i want to explain to her that i do love her and im doing it in her best interest but without putting my neighbour down, im really at my wits end yesterday she even said she wanted to live next door i have tried not letting her go out as punishment but its no good
any suggestions? sorry about the long winded question!

thankyou for all the fab advice, i have never given in to the whining (well its actually got to the point of hysteria!) i agree completely with being a parent and not a friend, i just like to give her reasons for the rules so she understands why they are there.

Answer 1

Omg what a nightmare!

First let me say i'm sorry, i know it hurts hearing that from your daughter. Aside from the typical "because i said so" answer, I would explain that its time to come in and have dinner, then its time for us to clean up and have family time. Thats what i use, (i also have a 6 year old) I tell her that between school and her friends "i miss her" and want her to play with me for a while. Then she has time to come in and calm down and follow through with the "night time ritual" which i have found makes a gread deal of difference. After we eat and take a bath or wash up, we play a family game, making it fun for her to come in and be with family instead of outside. Maybe try a project or something interesting to her. By the time all of that is over, its time for a bed time story and nighty night! My daughter loves playing outside but gets really excited to see what the nightly plan is! She has suggestions and i make sure she's involved with everything so she gets excited about coming in with us.

Good luck :-)

Answer 2

If you explained the fact that every house has different rules and the reason for your rules then what's the problem? Did you also explain why you do not let her stay out until 10pm? If she is going to talk to you like that then she doesn't have to go out and play with the neighbor. Simple as that! If she continues to argue even after you take away the privilege to play outside, take some other privilege away. Eventually she will get the picture. You're the parent!!

My daughter is 7 and we have run into a few of these things. After explaining it to her and giving her the reasons for the rules she is okay with it. If she so much as complains or whines once she get something taken away. She gets the idea pretty fast.

Answer 3

Calmly and gently tell her that you love her and only want what's best for her, and that getting enough rest is very important to her health. Also, remind her that you are her Mother, not her neighbours, and that you make the rules as far as where and when she goes out or comes in. And finally, you can explain to her that she can come in at the time you give her, or she can stay in altogether, and not go out at all. The old, My way or the Highway statement. You must be firm with her, as she must respect your boundaries, and if you let her push you around now, then she will be a nightmare when she becomes a teen. I speak from experience, as I am a Single Father, and have been on my own with my son since he was 4. By firm and don't feel guilty about being a "Parent", because that is your job.

Answer 4

Rules are rules and the younger a child is when they learn this the easeir tme they, (and you) will have as they grow up. Teaching that rules are rules isn't always easy though, I know. I have three boys 11, 10 &8. My best advice to you is to buy her a watch of her own, let her wear it and then tell her that the family rule is...whatever time you name, help her learn to find that time on her little watch. When she does, share a special treat with her, some alone time with mommy to talk about whatever fun stuff she did that day. (maybe a popcicle while getting ready for bath time or something. Make it consistant though. Before you do this though, make sure she knows that is she doesn't come in for her special mom and me time ON TIME then she doens't get her outside play time the next day, and mean it. Don't give in to crying and whining...you will pay for it forever if you do give in!!
Personally, I can't imagine letting my kids stay up that late at 6 much less younger. when my guys were your little girl's age we had a routine...supper was about the same time each day, then we had bath time at 7:00, video time for half an hour and then bedtime ritual time, 15 minutes of alone time with mom, while the brothers were having quiet time alone, coloring or something in their rooms. Sounds like Mayberry maybe but it works. Don't be afraid to make the rules and be the enforcer, you are the MOM, a family home should not be a democracy, especially when kids are little, more like a country ruled by a loving king and queen. Good luck.

Answer 5

This is just the first of many times that your child will try to guilt you into letting her do things that other kids are allowed to do. It is your job as a parent to set boundaries, whether she likes it or not, and whether other families have the same boundaries or not. She is probably too young to really understand the "it's for your own good" thing, so for now she just has to understand that it's the rule and that's all she needs to know. It's much easier to teach children that rules are rules while they're still young. If you cave in to this one, it'll just get harder and harder to enforce rules in your house, and you'll eventually have a child with no discipline. Someday, she WILL understand that it was for her own good, and she will have a lot more respect for you than she would if you had let her run completely out of control. Looking back, I have SUCH respect for the times my parents did what was right for me instead of what I wanted them to let me do. It makes me realize how much they loved me and I think, on some level, I even understood that back then. So PLEASE be strong enough to be a parent. You can be her friend when she's an adult and doesn't need a parent anymore.

Answer 6

The first thing to remember is that children will often throw fits and get upset, but they usually don't mean what they say and tend to get over things quickly. If things are good in the other areas of her life, then this probably isn't that big a deal to her. The other thing to remember is that you are the parent. You know what is best for her. She may not understand now, but she will. Try explaining it with a story or acting it out with her toys. It will seem more like a game that way. If her dolly has to get to bed so that she can have a good day at school the next day, maybe she will be able to make the connection.

Answer 7

Unfortunately parenting is not a popularity contest because if it was I know I would lose along with many other parents.
I tell my son that this is my house my rules, I am the parent and he is the child ...I also make the evening time stuff that is family time, like bath, cuddling, reading, quiet time..
I try to keep my family busy because evening time is family time..
I also look at it as though, well I gave birth to him not the other way around. Kids will not always like what happens or what you tell them, but sit and talk to them and make the evening time something between the two of you and let her know that she has a time limit of playtime but that you expect her to be in the house for family time. Her friends will not disappear they will be there the next night and probably the next.
Keep in mind that you have to set the rules now because from what I hear teenagers are the worst if you don't start now.

Answer 8

I really feel for you on this one, sounds very tough. Just a disclaimer - I am not a mother, I am answering based on what I've heard from other, and also remembering what it was like to be in your daughter's shoes (my parents were usually the ones more strict than parents of friends/neighbors). You need to talk to her about how important it is to sleep and how she can not only be very tired the next day, but she can even get sick. Explain in terms that she will understand what happens to little girls who stay out too late, and don't get enough sleep. Basically show her that the consequences will be not being able to go out and play the next day, or for many days because she will be too tired or sick.
If she can understand that it will mean a lot less play time in the future, she might realize its not a good idea to stay out late.
And even if none of the things you try work at getting her NOT to think you are a monster, you have to stick to your guns. My parents prevented me from doing A LOT of things that at the time I thought was unfair. Today (at 21 years old) I think they did EVERY SINGLE THING right!!!
Good Luck Mom! :)

Answer 9

Explaine to her that she is a young lady and young women dont hang out late and tell her that you do these things to keep her safe, and somtimes when times are fun you never want them to end but you can always start over early the next day so you can have more fun than you did yesterday. Tell her you love her and always tell her you only tell her things to help her and not to hurt her . She may throw a fit from time to time but stand your ground and have her come in the house at the same time everyday. When you set her outside time and stick to it then she will know that your not going to back down on the outside limitations. Then after a while she will get the picture that (MOM SAYS OUTSIDE TIME IS UP) then after a while the most attitude she will give you about that situation is probably a sad floordrag face or she may even act mad at you. But all ways remember that you have to dicipline your child or they will grow up direspecting you and everyone else who will let them get away with it. "Notice that a diciplined child is happy and love thier parents and respects other people and the child is more pleasant to be around. I know it's hard being a parent because there in no how to book on being a parent. But you have to watch what you do and what you dont do and say to your children because our children are an image of us from birth till. Our children learn everthing from us and everyone else. So its up to you to teach them everthing you can, so when they get older and get out there with everyone else, they will (Know how) to take care of themselves and present themselves as a young woman or a young man and make the right choices "Notice that I didnt write (they will make the right choices), because there are a lot of kids who were brought up well but still make terrible choices,but you better beileve that that child knew what was the right choice but he just chose otherwise. I just saw your question and I had to answer it. I hope I helped, Im a parent and your a parent so good luck to the both of us and all parents.

Answer 10

letting a 5 & 3 year old out til 10pm doesn't matter if they are supervised or not. That is insane. My daughter was put on a tight schedule ( mine lol) when i brought her home from the hospital! So, I think you are right on with the 8pm bedtime especially with her age. As for her being whiny, let her whine it out. Keep to your rules and don't let her make you feel guilty, you are in the right. She is only six... they only thing she needs to know is this "Because I said so!" OR just explain to her- Look, you know I love you, right, so mommys that let their babies stay out so long like the neighbors do don't love their children like I love mine. Then you rund the risk of her telling the neighbors what you said.. yea - I would stick with the cuz i say so bit. lol

Answer 11

I have 3 sons, ages 11,8 and 3. They ALL have to be in by 8. We live in a nice neighborhood too, and yes some other parents let their children run wild in the streets until it's pitch dark outside.

It had never had to be explained to my children, it is an understanding that 'outside time is over, and family time begins'. For the summer, bedtime has been moved to an hour later to 9pm for the 8 and 3 year old, and my 11 year old can stay up until 10pm in his room reading or playing a handheld game quietly. I instill that not every hour of our day is to be used with other people, that is not healthy.