My daughter is 12 & she had a fight with her 11 yr old sister on Sunday night. I sent them both to their rooms to sleep at 9. On the next day they fought at home about the same problem again. My 12 yr old called me when I was at work crying & telling me that she had a fight with her sister, can’t stand her no more & is going to her friend’s house overnight to be away from her sister for 1 day & come home the next morning. I told her not to go, but she said she is going. I left work & rush home immediately to stop her. When I got home, she already left. I had no idea where she was. She don’t have a phone so I can’t call her to ask her. I was worried sick. I didn’t call the police because she told me she was going out before she left & she is a good girl & I trust her to be her best. She did come home the next morning & went to school. I don’t know what to do. I am so worried. I don’t believe in grounding kids especially if the fight was her sister’s fault. I am a single mother.
2006-06-29 08:29:28 · 12 answers · asked by youngwoman 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
How about a family meeting, complete with rules, and YOU will be the adult, while they will be the children?
I think you overreact to things, and it sounds like your daughters imitate you.
2006-06-29 09:33:35 · answer #1 · answered by Nosy Parker 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I too am a single mother. I have a 12 yr old girl and a 5 yr old girl. I know you dont like to discipline and its probably because you are wanting to be seen as the GOOD parent or a friend to your kids. I will tell you this much start grounding them NOW dont wait until its too late. Do they have a caregiver while you are at work? Its only going to get worse. Think how you felt about your parents at 12. My oldest daughter thinks she is grown but she knows her boundaries with me and she knows if she doesnt act right she will either get grounded, all of her electronics including games will be taken away, or if its really bad she will get a spanking. If you dont take control back from your kids think about what COULD happen. Do you want to be a grandmother in a couple of years? Serious question huh? Hope this helps they will absolutely hate you for the firmness at first but then it will get better.
2006-06-29 15:54:50 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you don't believe in grounding then what kind of discipline do you use? 12 is way too young to run off like that. Settle their fights immediately, you are the parent, judge and jury. What will happen when she's 15 or 16??
You may trust her to be a good girl, but the rest of the world is not a safe place.
2006-06-29 15:36:17 · answer #3 · answered by Maria b 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, actually she did disobey you. If you don't believe in grounding kids, then you've got some problems lying ahead. Think of it like this, if you can't control them now, how will you be able to control them in 3 to 5 years? It'll be hard, but it may be time for some "tough love". They can say they hate you and all that.....but they'll still love you. Although it's important to communitcate with your children, sometimes just talking isn't enough. When they push you to the breaking limit, and sooner or later this will happen, what will you do then. You've got some thinking to do, and some decisions to make. Also, just because some "child psycologist" makes some statement about behavior doesn't mean it's in the best interest of YOUR children. Sometimes you have to be rough on them......not abusing them mentally, physically, or verbally, but you're gonna have to take a stand sooner or later....or they're gonna run right over you. Best of luck to you..............
2006-06-29 15:49:25 · answer #4 · answered by cajunrescuemedic 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It seems whatever is causing all the fighting is a recurring problem, and you really need to step in as the mediator. I know you said you don't like grounding kids, but they need some sort of discipline here... you need to put your foot down because it's affecting EVERYONE in the household, and neither of them are acting appropriately. You need to talk to them individually and get both sides of the story... get to the root of the debate, and then have a talk with both of them to try and resolve it, with some real consequences for what happened. It's not an easy thing to do, but until you find out what the root of the issue is, it's going to continue and just letting it happen by not stepping in is only going to allow the conflict to snowball further.
2006-06-29 15:35:29 · answer #5 · answered by b_switek 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Friction in the household between siblings is normal. You just have to show love to each of them in their own way. I feel that the girls need hobbies because they seem bored. The more I wasn't home with my siblings the better we got along. I know you don't believe in grounding your children , but you have to set some rules and consequences for breaking those rules. If there are no rules then there's chaos. I say sit down and have a talk with your girls. Let them tell you what's going on. Don't take sides and don't blame one party for what's happening. I know you said it was her sister's fault, but as a parent you have to stay neutral and continue to show love. Each child has a personality that's unique to them, connect with them on that level, but do not let them control you or your house.
You're a parent, not their friend. They should know that and respect you.
2006-06-29 16:06:53 · answer #6 · answered by fsalley_sc 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to sit down and speak with both of them. It doesn't matter who started the fight, your 12 yr old had no business leaving the house after you told her not to. I would speak with both of them regarding their behavior and actions and I would most certainly ground the 12 yr old to the house or take away some privaleges. Let me ask you this, do you believe in spanking? You can't just let her get away with what she did. And whether she told you she was leaving or not, I would have called the police.
2006-06-29 15:37:04 · answer #7 · answered by purpleama456 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to take control of your daughters - your 12y/o shouldn't be telling you that she is going to a friend's house and not giving you the friend's name and number. Your daughters are children and they should be asking permission to go to a friends - not just springing it on you and then leaving.
You need to sit your daughters down and have a talk with them. They need to know that sisters do fight, but that they make up - and more importantly they respect eachother. If talking to them doesn't work then get them into family counseling. If this continues you are going to have some serious issues in the future.
2006-06-29 15:36:12 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to put your foot down otherwise she is going to think she can do that all the time. There has to be some sort of discipline or it can and will get allot worse. They are sisters eventually they will have to get along. Tell each one to think of how life would be without the other. Maybe they take advantage with the fact that they even have a sister.
2006-06-29 15:35:01 · answer #9 · answered by grrrrme 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
tell her that you know that she needs 2 get away from her sister sometimes but if she would have just left a number and told me where you were gonna be then i wouldn't have been so worried and just next time let me take you or at least meet their parents or something like that i mean we could have handled this when i got home.
2006-06-29 15:46:10 · answer #10 · answered by BrinkleyNicole 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe she is walking out and doing stuff she wants to because you don't discipline. They think they can go and do whatever they want because you don't follow through with what you said.. You need to get this under control or your going to end up losing your job because your going to be rushing home more and more..
2006-06-29 15:37:23 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋