What should I do? My mother is unhappy we are not baptizing our baby.?

Question

My mother is Catholic and raised me that way, but I don't identify with the Catholic religion nor do I practice any religion. My wife is not religious either.

We have decided not to baptize our child, maybe one day in the far future, but as of right now we never plan to baptize our baby.

My mother is pissed. She wants all my babies to be raised Catholic since that is her "famiyl way" and I am an only child so my children are her only grandchildren.

How do I get her to back off, the topic is NEVER open for discussion. She had her choice of religion for her child and now I have the choice too.

Any advice?

Nanny: not everyone believes in what you do. I don't think putting water over my baby's head is going to get him or her into "heaven". Thanks but no thanks.

Why should I baptize my mother to make HER happy, what about my wife's and I happiness?

Also, my mother should not be rewarded for her bad behavior.

I will not allow her to throw a fit about MY child and then give in and do as she wishes, are you crazy??

Answer 1

gosh, that's tough.

i had a discussion about this very thing with my mom not too long ago.
somone on here asked a similar question b/c their mom was being difficult about the whole thing.
it made me curious about my parents b/c i'm due in september.

i was very lucky b/c all my mom cared about was that Parker (that's my soon-to-be-born son's name) was going to be raised with good values and steady moral background...no matter what religion.
my husband and i were both raised catholic, yet neither follow that religion. my husband, if anything, is baptist, yet he doesn't go to church and neither do it.
well, i assured her that he would be raised with a good grasp of morals and values and that we weren't going to sheild him from religion, but we weren't going to enforce it upon him either.
she was o.k. with that. but, i'm lucky b/c my parents are great like that....they know they raised us kids well and now it's our turn to raise our kids...our way.

basically, i would just tell you mother that you do not intend to raise you baby in catholicism and that, hopefully, at some point she can learn to accept it. tell her that you don't expect her to be happy about it and that you don't expect her to understand, that you just want the respect from one parent to another to choose your child's religious beleifs until they can decide on their own.

if you go after her with guns blazing, then she will get hers out too...and that's no good.
so, be calm and just explain that this is how you and your wife feel and you would like her to respect your wishes as one parent to another.

maybe you could throw in a bonus that whenever your mom is keeping your child that she can take him/her to mass.
as long as that is o.k. with how you and your wife feel.
the middle path is usually best. not that you should have to compromise with someone else on how to raise your kid, but going to church on occasion isn't going to do any harm.

i value and respect that my parents raised me in the catholic church...even though i started quetioning it all in 2nd grade.
it gave me a lot of knowledge and spirituality and it spurred my interest in other religions and philosophies.
so, try to be calm and just let her know that these are your plans and you don't intend to change them and she will need to let it go.

i hope it works out for you all....religion can become so tricky!

take care.

Answer 2

I'm a bit confused...judging by the posts you've made today, you're thinking about trying for a baby, then wondering if your wife will need prescription prenatal vitamins, then wondering if she'll be OK after her c-section if she's home alone, and now your parents are upset with you because you're not having the baby baptized catholic.

How did you manage to conceive a child, get to the drug store to buy vitamins, go to the hospital with your wife to give birth AND have your baby baptized, all in the course of an hour or so?

Answer 3

That is exactly what you tell her, She had her turn to raise her child or children, Now it is your turn to raise your child or children the way you see fit.
Baptism is something baby's' go threw because they can not say anything about the religion they are in or the God they believe in and the older the child or children get they can go threw a thing called Communion that is another baptismal thing where a child can say yes I believe in God and I choose this path...
She will hopefully get over it and understand how you feel.
I went threw the same thing with my mother and spent years listening to her remind me what she thought of the whole thing.
My mother even had a pastor come and talk to me at work asking me when I was going to have my baby baptized.

Answer 4

I think you need some education as to what Baptism is. For example, if a baby is in distress and dying, anyone can perform a baptism, just to ensure the baby's safe entry into heaven. Nurses do it all the time in hospitals, when they can't wait for a priest or a minister. What are you afraid of? It's time to think of your child, and your mom. Think of it as a special family tradition, and keeping your mother happy and comfortable will make your life with your own family easier and your mother will stay in your life. By the way, what religion have you chosen that doesn't include baptism?

Answer 5

First of all, keep in mind that you and your wife had this child, not your mother. This is your decision alone. You'll just have to explain that you understand that this is "her family way", but you have made your own family now and you are sticking to your decision.

If you baptize your baby, you are only buying into the idea that your baby was born a sinner. Does that sound right to you when you look into your baby's innocent eyes? Babies aren't sinners. That's the Catholics way of keeping their members in constant bondage and guilt.

Stick your guns and good luck.

Answer 6

Like you said, baptism has nothing to do with being saved or going to heaven. Baptism is supposed to be dedicating your child to God and a promise to raise them in the Church. Since neither of you believe that way, you shouldn't do it. Like you said, its your and your wife's choice. If your mother brings it up again, tell her a flat out no. You respect Catholics and God enough to not lie about wanting to raise your kid that way. It might just shut her up. But either way, if it comes to it, leave the room if she says anything again. You are doing a wonderful job of standing up to your mom. On behalf of wives everywhere, thank you! Change the subject on her, leave the room, leave the house if that is what it takes. But its not her kid and the opinion is not welcome. She'll eventually stop or ya'll will get very good at leaving fast.

Answer 7

You just need to tell her what you said in your question...that the topic is NEVER open for discussion. You are a grown man with your own family, she can either accept it, or not be a part of your lives. You need to tell her tactfully, and tell her that you don't want snippy comments all the time. You do not want to raise your children under the Catholic religion. Maybe a compromise?? United church??

Answer 8

OMG I asked the same question!!
http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=AhXA.V.spSEL.wYRdkToRQbsy6IX?qid=1006053120044
this was the best answer altouugh it may not totally apply

Best Answer - Chosen By You

If you don't believe in it, don't do it. I see this all the time with young parents. The grandparents wanting to tell you how to raise your children. First and foremost this child is YOURS AND YOUR HUSBANDS. No one elses. That is a tradition that needs to be broken with the next generation. You do not have a dependence or need fot the Catholic Church and for that reason, there is no reason for your child to be tied to that belief.

My best friend is a Gypsy Witch and when she went to have surgery one weekend, she left her son in the care of her Christian mother. The Mother took him to her church and baptised her son. Jen was furious and the she has since monitored very closely the time they have spent together.

What you should do is focus your shild's upbringing on one religion as to not confuse them when they are growing up. That religon should be YOUR religon. So if you're Pagan, your child should be raised the same way.

If your mother insists on a church atmosphere. look into your local UU Pagan center. http://www.uua.org/

There are aslo some great books out there on how to raise your children as Pagans. Circle Round by Starhawk is one that Jen has and she's says its very informative.

By the way, Jen's son Alex, is 8 now and when asked to draw a symbol of his religion he freely drew a pentagram.

Stick to your guns!

Your Rating:
thankyou everyone for the support.
BTW I love circle round and also pagan childs activity book by Amber K. if anyone knows other pagan childrens books (for learning not stories) email me

Answer 9

My suggestion would be to tell her to butt out, that this is your kid and you will raise them they way you see fit, not anyone else! Maybe even ask her how she would have felt if someone, maybe her mother-in-law or mother, tried to tell her how to raise you when you were born.

My in-laws are Catholic as well and I thought we might have the same problem when our kids were born because we didn't baptise either. Thankfully nothing was ever mentioned about it. I just figure that I will let my children choose what, if any, religion to follow when they are old enough to make that decision. I personally do not follow any religion, which is probably why it was easy for me to make that decision.

Answer 10

One I would like to say it's good you are standing up for yourself. Two, I believe everyone should choose their own religion, when the person comes out of the innocient stage.

Explain to your Mother you thoughts about religion and what you consider to be religion. Meaning/Example.. there is a God, Jesus is our savor, and no children do not have to be baptised in order to be saved because they are still innocient beings.

I personnally believe if you teach your child what you believe that your job is finished. Also, encourage them to seek out their truth... since there are so many differenent religions out there. So, who are we to say what religion/belief is the right one?

So, do what you feel as the Father to do... your Mother has guided you thus far and her job is done. She no longer can tell you what to do... she could only tell you her opinion.

Good Luck

Answer 11

Unfortunatly part of being an adult and raising your own children as an adult is learning how to tell your parents to shut the hell up. It can be done in different ways. You'll probably have to force the issue. And she wont be happy, no matter what you do. The best you can hope for is that she won't be the type to hold a grudge forever.