how do i cope with my adult sons recent DWI?

Question

I just recently lost my husband and i am thankful that my son was not injured but how much can i take?

Answer 1

The first thing you could possibly do wrong would be to put your problems on your son. If he has a drinking problem it is possibly how he hides his emotional problems. He needs your SUPPORT, not your CRITICISM. You lost your husband, so did he. So when you jump on him about what he is doing wrong you are pushing him farther away. Get a counselor. That is a way for you to let go of the stresses you have and talk about your fears and concerns without putting the pressure on your son. A counselor can listen to your worries about your son and give you a step toward what you should do to be there for him also. Help yourself first!

Answer 2

Your son isn't grateful to you like he should be. Don't baby him about his father passing away. I've lost loved ones and I didn't need to drink and drive to fix it. And Don't pay a dime of his tickets or court costs or whatever else it will take for him to get his license back. This is his row to hoe. If he was old enough to make that decision let him deal with it. Just stay right on his little tale. He'll be hateful about it at first...but you'd rather have him mad and alive rather than spoiled and dead. And you should let him read my answer. Kids (for some reason) listen to strangers better than their own parents.

Answer 3

He's a grown up and he is responsible for his own actions. You do not have to support him in anyway right now. He made a horrible mistake that could have cost him his life or someone elses. A lecture, a conversation, nothing you do can change his mistake and as an adult he is ultimately responsible. Don't question what you have done as a parent, love him and be there but you don't have to like what he does and you sure as heck don't have to support it.

Answer 4

i am 33 now. when i was 23 i was arrested for DWI. i have regreted it since. i was one of those people that think it can't happen to me. i was not only lucky that night but several nights that i was not caught. after i was caught i decided to get my stuff together. up. i have never drove drunk again. if your son has a problem with drinking it is going to be difficult to talk to him about this so be prepared. my parents wanted to kick my *** but my dad was still there to support me when i had to appear in court. make him understand that you feel that driving after drinking is wrong but this does not make him a bad person. he just needs to learn from this mistake and never let it happen again. if it does happen again get him into counseling. i am still embarrassed by my DWI and remember how humiliated i felt reading my name in the newspaper. this experience made me realize i had to change. i went to college and earned a B.S. degree in 5 years. maybe your son will realize he needs to change things also. good luck.

Answer 5

First, I'd like to say I'm sorry about your husband. As far as your son goes...he's an adult. Remember, he's probably hurting over your loss as well. I myself have been convicted of 2 dui's. I'm very thankful I didn't hurt anyone. My parents were very disappointed, needless to say. They didn't help me financially with things which I completely understand, but they have never stopped being there for me. Let your son know you will always love him, but he's the one who made the decision to drive drunk and he will have to deal with the consequences.

Answer 6

You need to understand that he's an adult that makes his own decisions. You don't have to support his behavior just because you are his mother. You need to tell him how his behavior makes you feel, but ultimately you cannot live his life for him. Take care of yourself first.

Answer 7

HAVE him go to an AAA program, maybe it's his way of coping with his fathers death.but drinking and driving is very serious.help is always there.