How do you grieve after losing your spouse without losing it?

Answer 1

By "losing it" I presume you mean let your emotions out. I also assume that in losing your spouse, you mean death and not divorce. Grieving is a complex process, compiled of many facets of your life experience together.

Webster's defines grief as a deep and poignant distress caused by loss or as if by bereavement. I believe that is a starting point. Grief is different for everyone. Experiencing grief cannot be accomplished in a straight line. It comes and goes in waves. Remember, that you cannot walk around grief. You can't walk over or under it. I have to walk through it, experiencing the pain. If you don't face the grief now, it will hit you even harder later on.

I think the best quote I ever heard which has application to this topic is from John Lennon: "Life is something that happens to you when you're busy making other plans." Unexpected loss of a loved one is so difficult to deal with, you want to hide.

I found it so true, as I lost my wife 4 years ago, after a very brief illness. Follow your heart. Let your emotions out. Seek support from grief counseling groups. Connect with a spiritual leader / advisor. Don't suppress these emotions. It will only have longer term dire consequences if you do.

To help myself through the grief process, I wrote a book about the experience, although I haven't published it. If nothing else it was very cathartic. I wish you Godspeed and the emotional support of family and friends.

Answer 2

That is a very difficult thing to achieve but you have to start by letting out all your feelings the way only you know how. Once you have done that you can grieve and let go bit by bit. Then start thinking positively about the future: make plans, go on holiday with a group of friends or join a local group and make new friends. What you MUST NOT do is bottle up the whole thing and get lost within yourself. Get out and about and start living again.

Answer 3

Losing a loved one is not easy for anyone. Everyone grieves in their own way. If you feel you can't do it alone, try getting counseling through a grievance center in your area. Or speak with your priest, minister or pastor. You will never stop grieving. But it will get a little easier as time goes on. Good Luck, And God Bless You.

Answer 4

I would think in the privacy of your home you would lose it a little.
That kind of pain comes from deep within and will take some time to heal. When you feel like it spend time with family. They love you and really do care about your welfare. They want to help but are at a loss of what exactly to do. Giving time to others in need will help the healing process. Maybe be a mentor to kids that need help in reading or math. We have just started signing up people to work the polls for election time. Also our senior citizen center has lots of activities you can attend from ball room dancing lessons to painting, computer lessons and even an exercise room. Its for 55 and older folk. Also I hope you are active in your church or synogogue. Faith is a healer and joins you with people of like minds. Surround yourself with love and give yourself a little time.